There's nothing dramatic to report here but I just want to share with my brothers and sisters on this site some of my recent experiences and how they've made me feel.
I came out to my future wife in 1980. I was terrified. I hoped to marry her and I cried as I thought this revelation might very well end our relationship. I don't think "transgender" was a widely used term then and general knowledge of what I had been experiencing since childhood was not widely understood even by those of us who dealt with it. I told her I wasn't going to transition and she accepted me even with knowing this.
For the next 30+ years it was our secret outside of my sharing it with a therapist.
A few years ago I shared it with my sister who is six years younger than me. Again, I sobbed as I tried to find the right words. She was fully accepting.
A little over a year ago, after much back and forth, I convinced my wife that I should share this with my adult daughters and their husbands. With each one it became a little more easy and once again there was full acceptance. This include one spouse who is a cop and has a very loving heart.
For another year I went silent and then a few weeks ago I opened up to my best male friend. He thought I was joking but he, too, had a warm response. This morning I spent several hours talking with him and his wife about being transgender. One of their daughters is a rabbi who works with LGTBQ+ people so that helped familiarize them with the subject.
A week ago I shared with my brother who is four years younger than me. He too thought I was joking. I have a reputation for being a bit of a jokester so I wasn't offended or surprised that they thought this might be something I was making up. They both quickly believed me.
I share this for several reasons. First, because I've found that sharing this intimate, hidden part of myself has been so therapeutic for me and to provide a positive story with those who are reading this. One thing that has been universal is that I am the first person any of these people have known personally who is transgender. Even though they are all educated, the lack of knowledge they have on being transgender is somewhat surprising.
I know my experience may not be typical. The fact that I've come out to a small, select group of people has also helped. Living in a blue state near a big city certainly hasn't hurt either. I imagine the fact that I'm not transitioning has also helped with acceptance, although everyone I've told, with the exception of my wife, has told me they would support me if I ever did transition.
There are been two things that I've done that I think have made it easier. First, I let them know they can ask me any questions they may have. Nothing is off-limits. No one as asked anything that I would consider too personal. Second, I've reassured them not to worry about using incorrect terminology or phrasing questions so as not to offend. I think this has made them more comfortable and unafraid of stepping on some verbal landmine.
Thanks for allowing me to share this story here. It helps me to put into words what I've experienced and to share it with others who know what it's like to be trans.
Hugs,
Becky
