Have you ever been “outed”? How did things turn out because of that?

[ChrissyRyan]

Have you ever been "outed" by someone as transgender?  How did it turn out?

I am reminded of a scene in some television show or movie where a gay man was confronting a gay man who outed him.  He was very unhappy.  The man who outed him said something like, "Hey, I can tell you are upset, sorry, but later you will think I did you a favor."  How incredulous the first guy must have felt at the moment about that comment!

If you were outed, was it by a friend (who is now possibly a former friend), a family member, a troublemaker or hater, someone at church, or perhaps someone at school or work?

Chrissy

[Devlyn]

This year a trick-or-treater pointed at me and said "You're a boy!".... thanks, kid, let me smash
that Mars bar for you. 

[Allison S]

Kind of. Once at a restauarant a friend asked what gender I identify as in front of a buser taking his time clearing the table... I was a bit confused why my friend would ask after I had already explained earlier and also this time in front of a stranger.

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[Faith]

let's see, I slowly came out to everyone at the same time so being 'outed' to immediate family, friends, acquaintances doesn't count.

The only case of being 'outed' to someone that didn't know .. my wife did it. I recounted it here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,241264.0.html

It turned out great

[KathyLauren]

For me, pre-emptively outing myself worked the best.

[Chloe]

.... thanks, kid, let me smash that Mars bar for you. 

       Kids are the best! Was in Burger King play-place with 3yr old when another finally asked, very inquisitively, "are you a boy?" Took me off guard, don't ever cross-dress, so I replied "sometimes" and she seemed quite satisfied with that.

      After greeting oldest nephew and girlfriend in Las Vegas last week sister later explained to me how she told them I was "transgender" and, upon challenging her as to why, she said nephew, being almost bald with shaved head, made some comment about my "beautiful long hair"?  I'm 6'0", he is 6'4" balding and, noticing girlfriend has a ponytail wrapped same as mine, was amazed to see she was also TALLER than me!

Ever since pointing out to sister how every tall girl (noticed a lot) "must be transgender" asked her am I only true woman in family(?) 'cause rest of them are "short"! lol Not most exquisite logic but think she got point re "outing me"; prefer to let people draw own conclusions instead.

[Devlyn]

       Kids are the best! Was in Burger King play-place with 3yr old when another finally asked, very inquisitively, "are you a boy?" Took me off guard, don't ever cross-dress, so I replied "sometimes" and she seemed quite satisfied with that.

      After greeting oldest nephew and girlfriend in Las Vegas last week sister later explained to me how she told them I was "transgender" and, upon challenging her as to why, she said nephew, being almost bald with shaved head, made some comment about my "beautiful long hair"?  I'm 6'0", he is 6'4" balding and, noticing girlfriend has a ponytail wrapped same as mine, was amazed to see she was also TALLER than me!

Ever since pointing out to sister how every tall girl (noticed a lot) "must be transgender" asked her am I only true woman in family(?) 'cause rest of them are "short"! lol Not most exquisite logic but think she got point re "outing me"; prefer to let people draw own conclusions instead.

Indeed! You see them looking at you, and you can almost see the question bubbling up in them. 

[dee82]

Did some part-time work for an organisation a year back, long before coming out.

Saw an old colleague from that work place in a social setting, and it seemed right to come out to him. He seemed very supportive.

He also said I might be needed again at the organisation for similar work.

Two weeks later I find myself CC'd into an email where my old colleague completely "outs" me by referring to me by my new name and correct pronoun while saying I might be available to work for them again.

Now, I think he had good intentions and was trying to be affirming, but the organisation is not known for it's progressive beliefs. (Think conservative Christian.)

When I originally told him my journey, I naively had no idea that this situation could occur. (I still currently go in "man-mode" on a as needed basis for work. Luckily I work from home most of the time and those situations are the exception.)

Got a funny feeling I won't be asked to work at that place again.

~Dee.

[dee82]

Kind of. Once at a restauarant a friend asked what gender I identify as in front of a buser taking his time clearing the table... I was a bit confused why my friend would ask after I had already explained earlier and also this time in front of a stranger.

Allison, even friends can surprise in a bad way. Did you ask them "why did you say that?" afterwards?

~Dee.

[Allison S]

Allison, even friends can surprise in a bad way. Did you ask them "why did you say that?" afterwards?

~Dee.

Oh I confronted him about it for sure. He seemed to genuinely feel bad and apologized so I accepted that. We're getting together sometime soon and I think now that I'm more clear that I'm a trans woman, I'm sure he'll be more understanding...

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[Chloe]

Allison, even friends can surprise in a bad way

       Ah  but ya never know! Maybe that non progressive, "conservative Christian" org will see fit to use you anyway Alison? Unsure why myself but joined up with a Weds night "Men's Group" @ church 'round corner from me who advertise as "Not for Purfect People" ("the rest of us" all being sinners?) so figured lol who better qualified than me?

       Well, find group rather dull, BORING but with everyone else being very welcoming and friendly decided, if ever gonna change "closed minds", we need to take these people at their "Word" and confront their issues head on!

[Lynne]

Almost...
I'll just quote an old post of mine:

I had a really embarassing meeting at the weekend with our landlord and her mother. We knew our landlord for 3 years now but this was the first time when we met her mother.

I did not come out to our landlord yet so she thinks that we are a heterosexual couple with my girlfriend so I tried to be as manly as I could be for the meeting because I really did not want to come out at this time.

I introduced myself to our landlord's mother as <male_birth_name>.

After the introductions her first words were along the lines of "...oh girls eat some cake and fruit..."

It seemed that nobody noticed the "girls" part apart from me, but I knew that this meeting will be interesting.

We finished discussing the possibilities and then she asked us if my girlfriend and I are relatives. We were a little puzzled and answered no and our landlord quickly added that "How could they be relatives, they are a couple, they live together for years!"

Our landlord clearly missed the fact that her mother seen both of as girls and at that point she was a little shocked that we are a lesbian couple, but she took it alright, she didn't ask any more questions about the topic.

And when I thought it couldn't get more exciting my girlfriend made the mistake of using my female name when talking about me. I'm quite good at hiding my emotions but I almost panicked and quickly tried to steer the conversation in an other direction so they wouldn't have time to process what they heard.

Fortunately our landlord had some other things on her mind so hopefully she missed all the strange parts of the conversation but I think she had her own strange conversation with her mother afterwards.

[amandam]

yes in the 80's, i lost all my friends. they weren't the best of people n I'm better off, but it still devastated me.

[NatalieRene]

I was outted at work to disastrous effect in the form of being fired on trumped up aligations after my boss found out I was trans because they made me use my birth certificate which at the time had not yet been reissued. My boss all the first month was hitting on me and he even made a full on pass. At this point I had already completed my SRS and had filed for my birth certificate with California but it was straight up sexual harassment.

I do t know what prompted him but there is no way he could have found out without looking at the paperwork. Then he calls me on the phone after work going on and on about how could I not tell him and all this time he has been putting the moves on a guy. It was so upsetting I spoke to the president and threatened to sue. They fired me shortly after that in a matter of weeks. I ended up filing with the EEOC but the woman handling the case rejected me and I didn't have the money to contest it.

This is why our trans rights that Obama created for us are so important. I would have been able to sue but my firing was based on gender identity and not protected.

However I found a lawyer that agreed to run them through the ringer and while it didn't make it to court because my ex-employer went belly up I did have the satisfaction of breaking that damn company in legal expenses and had the last laugh with no cost out of pocket except the cost of the motions that the court house charged which was peanuts.

[Lisa89125]

Hopefully they learned a valuable lesson.

I was outed by my own siblings out in public on our get together. My brother called me "he" and my sister used my male name. Oh the humility. I wanted to shrivel up and disappear.

Lisa

[sarah1972]

A few times...

Fairly early in my transition, I was at a costume party. This was after about 2 months on Hormones. and I was not out. For whatever reason, I decided to go as myself, blonde long hair wig, dress, heel boots. many people - who knew me from earlier that day when I helped set up the party - did not even recognize me. I was dressed for a party but not in a costume.
Long story short, a few hours into the party, some drunk guy walked up to me and blurted out: "Are you transgender?" which really knocked me off my heels. Initially, I had no idea how to respond so I just danced around the topic. Tunes out, his sibling just came out as mtf and he was sensitive to the topic... Lucky enough, no one heard it and the guy was drunk enough that he will have forgotten about it by the end of the evening.

One lady at one of my customers suddenly complimented me on my boots... yeah, female boots and she knew right then but kept it to herself.

The most recent was through a picture on social media which some of my wife's coworkers saw. Apparently, it was a "hot topic" at work for a few days. Of course, they looked deeper and found my gender set to "female" too...

I did get the "are you a boy or girl" question a few times. Usually, I do just respond by asking what they think. For the most part, they get it right but one kid was insisting I am a boy due to my voice. I was puzzled and stopped responding, now I would just say my voice is sick.

While I got outed, so far the consequences have been limited.

[jaybutterfly]

Not so much 'outed' but someone in our friend group at uni informed someone else there was a trans person coming to our game nights.

I got a lot of >-bleeped-< from said person and even got accused of being a pedophile because of it, but then they got exorcised from the group so whose the real winner here?

[Northern Star Girl]

Rather than trying to explain how I was outed and how it very fortunately and
happily turned out, please go to the following links to my Hunted Prey thread
and read my following 2 posts from last Spring... along with other posts before and after....

***Hint:   Your dentist knows !
Danielle

April 11,2018
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,236395.msg2123977.html#msg2123977

May 02, 2018
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,236395.msg2131853.html#msg2131853

[Lisa89125]

Danielle, I've meant to ask you a question, Does that apply if one transitions before natural puberty and takes estrogen instead of T during the natural puberty period? Hope that makes sense?

Lisa

[Northern Star Girl]

Danielle, I've meant to ask you a question, Does that apply if one transitions before natural puberty and takes estrogen instead of T during the natural puberty period? Hope that makes sense?

Lisa

@Lisa89125
Dear Lisa:
I do not have an answer for you... but I am guessing that for a MTF if full HRT and transition takes place very early well before puberty that many body features (obviously not all) would be identical to cis-women.
Hugs,
Danielle