It took decades years to come out

[tgirlamg]

Another week and I'm still a believer, a believer in me, accepting my true self.

Zoey!!!

I BELIEVE IN YOU TOO!!!!... 😀👍 You have the eyes open mindset and determination to navigate all challenges ahead... Just being in that space, in your mind, lends you more focus and the ability to see the sights along the path more clearly....

You are seeing well the lessons and opportunities to be found buried in each step... You will be finding the process is filled with revelations about yourself, your past decisions, your connection to others and the world around you...

If you have not seen this thread by Sarah VanDistel you may want to check it out... She has come far and is claiming the joy to be found when we align our life with expressing our inner truth... I especially like her reply #13

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,243775.new.html#new

I love your new place!... it looks like a wonderful, relaxing space and a lot of wonderful things are going to take place under that roof!!!... I love your recognition that some degree of double life is a natural aspect of this part of things... I remember coming to work as a bomb technician on Monday mornings with very sore feet after spending the weekend walking around San Francisco in high heels! 😀

Onward we go brave sister!!!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️💕🌻

[debrahelen]

Today I took another step ... went bra shopping at Victoria's Secret!

Well done Zoey!   I remember the trepidation and excitement when first shopping for a bra - I eventually got a professional fitting, which was a great experience.
Enjoy the journey ....
Deb

[Zoey421]

Well done Zoey!   I remember the trepidation and excitement when first shopping for a bra - I eventually got a professional fitting, which was a great experience.
Enjoy the journey ....
Deb

Thanks, Debra. I haven't purchased anything yet and perhaps that will be soon, but I know what I need. Hugs Zoey

[Zoey421]

Zoey!!!

I BELIEVE IN YOU TOO!!!!... 😀👍

@tgirlamg

Ah, Ashley, I love your support and encouragement. My smile gets larger every time I read your posts. Hugs Zoey xoxoxo

[Zoey421]

We all have internalized transphobia - we were all part of society - it is bred into us.  The challenge is to overcome it.  Hence my signature line.

Kim, your signature line is right on ... my reaction was just the first time I really recognized how deep the societal bias rests when I should know better. Thank you for reminding me not to beat up myself too much about this.

Your support is important to me ... please know I really appreciate this.

Hugs Zoey xoxo

[Zoey421]

Tonight I watched a documentary on Netflix about Laertes Coutinho, a renowned Brazilian cartoonist who came out as a trans female near her 60th birthday. It was a pleasure to hear how she manages her transition and lives her life as a famous woman, especially because she came out late in her life. There was one line in the film that resonated with me: "We are always in a process of change."

Change is always happening to everyone every day. In fact, change is probably the only constant in life. Deep, huh 

Each of us has or is experiencing significant change by accepting we are transgender, embracing our true reality so we can be happier and better people. Why can't cisgender people get that? Do cisgender people really believe they haven't changed over their lifetime? I say, HELL NO, of course, they have changed, evolved, grown up. Someone in the 50s is very different from the 20s and 30s version of themselves.

For someone who has come to realize there is a lively, loving, fun female inside of me waiting to get out into the world, embracing change at 54 years of age is just a different type of change that I have accepted. I believe I am a better person now because I can love myself.

I also watched Taylor Swift's Reputation tour on Netflix. I love T Swift and quietly danced to every song on the set list. Now that is how you spend an evening!

I just had to share ...

Hugs to all my sisters ... Zoey

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Hi Zoey!

I couldn't contain a smile while reading your thread, as I began seeing myself not so long ago...

If deep inside you feel that you are a woman (and with what you wrote I think that this is now beyond question), a transition will be the most liberating decision you will ever make. Its physical counterpart would be a diver who is about to drown while ascending and, at the very last second, just before she loses consciousness, she reaches the surface and takes the deepest and most life-saving breath ever! It's really a second chance... At being happy and fulfilled persons, in our case.

As you possibly know, in february 2017, at 44, I myself was not very young when I decided to transition. I was everything but convinced of the sanity of my decision. There was so much at stake: a 14-year old marriage, two teenager sons, a stable job, a large network of family and friends. And I felt that the results were all but guaranteed. I wasn't sure if I wouldn't regret it... And I thought to myself that if came to regret my decision, it would still be, in large measure, something irreversible... A one-way ticket, if you will.

Do you know when the doubts disappeared? A couple of days after I took "the" decision. From the moment that I gained the certainty that I would finally become Sarah, live as Sarah and in due time be recognized as Sarah, the surge of happiness was so incredible that I thought to myself: "No... Something that feels so right cannot possibly be wrong." And it has been so since then...

Never, not even for a minute, did I regret my decision to transition. And all the monsters I anticipated in my mind (losing my job, wife, kids, family, reputation, friends...) were only paper monsters.

My wife didn't leave me and has been supporting my transition all the way; we've never been so close, actually. My kids love me the way I am and only want to see me happy and above all to be there for them; they don't seem to be ashamed - my youngest, who's 12, asked me a few weeks ago to go with him at the end-of-trimester meeting with his teacher and I did it very proudly. Their marks at school even improved spectacularly, since my coming out! They feel safe and nurtured, you know...

At my job, everyone was understanding and accepting - in fact, I feel that they now respect me even more than before and the Clinical Director of the hospital where I work (I'm an emergency physician) even confessed that I am the strongest candidate at becoming the next Head of Department.

The overwhelming majority of my friends, although very surprised, also supported my decision and I even gained a few new ones!

But not everything was roses... As with everything worthy in life, sacrifices had to be made. My parents and my sister no longer speak to me, since my coming out. Different generations and mentalities. It was not easy to lose them in the beginning, but nowadays I came to accept it as part of life.

Anyways... Here in Belgium, I know of at least three high profile trans women who transitioned late (this is in the public domain... I'm not outing anyone)... Bo Van Spilbeeck, a journalist and writer, who transitioned in 2018, at 59. And Petra De Sutter, professor of gynaecology, head of the Department of Reproductive Medicine at the University of Ghent and politician for the Green Party, who transitioned back in 2004, at age 41. The third is Winne Haenen, head inspector for the Belgian Health Department, who transitioned in 2016, at 55; interestingly, her first day in public as Winne was the fatidic 22 march 2016, day of the terrorist attacks in Brussels, and she was the emergency response coordinator... Imagine her stress! I actually met the three of them (on different occasions) and they are all three highly respected, beautiful ladies.

It's normal to worry about the future but... Don't let that prevent you from "ascending" and taking that "deep breath of fresh air"! Great rewards await...

Warm hugs,
Sarah

Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk

[Linde]

Anyways... Here in Belgium, I know of at least three high profile trans women who transitioned late (this is in the public domain... I'm not outing anyone)...
Sarah

Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk

Hi, just realized that you are a fellow medical professional, and most of all, you are living in Belgium.  I lived for many years in Aachen, and am pretty familiar with Belgium (and I am 1/2 Dutch, I know, nothing to be proud about    ).
I think that it is way easier to be "different" in Europe than it is in the US.  Germany just adapted a law to make a third gender official, while the current official US trend seems to try to eliminate people like I.
Once in a while I even contemplate to move back to Europe (I have dual citizenship), when I hear how relatively easy my life could be either in Germany, Belgium or the Netherlands.
Homophobia, even in the medical establishment here, is very big.  I found out about it the other day.  I seem to have an inflammation of my epididymis, and I mentioned it might be the easiest to remove the testicles and all, because I am a transgender person.  I was told that I would not find an urologist in the entire area of SW Florida who would remove testicles for the purpose of being transgender, and that they would rather pump antibiotics into me until they come out of my ears.  Talking about misuse of antibiotics!
It is wonderful to live here in the land of eternal summer unter palm trees, but not if you don't fit into the norm!

[Zoey421]

Hi Zoey!

I couldn't contain a smile while reading your thread, as I began seeing myself not so long ago...

If deep inside you feel that you are a woman (and with what you wrote I think that this is now beyond question), a transition will be the most liberating decision you will ever make. Its physical counterpart would be a diver who is about to drown while ascending and, at the very last second, just before she loses consciousness, she reaches the surface and takes the deepest and most life-saving breath ever! It's really a second chance... At being happy and fulfilled persons, in our case.

As you possibly know, in february 2017, at 44, I myself was not very young when I decided to transition. I was everything but convinced of the sanity of my decision. There was so much at stake: a 14-year old marriage, two teenager sons, a stable job, a large network of family and friends. And I felt that the results were all but guaranteed. I wasn't sure if I wouldn't regret it... And I thought to myself that if came to regret my decision, it would still be, in large measure, something irreversible... A one-way ticket, if you will.

Do you know when the doubts disappeared? A couple of days after I took "the" decision. From the moment that I gained the certainty that I would finally become Sarah, live as Sarah and in due time be recognized as Sarah, the surge of happiness was so incredible that I thought to myself: "No... Something that feels so right cannot possibly be wrong." And it has been so since then...

Never, not even for a minute, did I regret my decision to transition. And all the monsters I anticipated in my mind (losing my job, wife, kids, family, reputation, friends...) were only paper monsters.

My wife didn't leave me and has been supporting my transition all the way; we've never been so close, actually. My kids love me the way I am and only want to see me happy and above all to be there for them; they don't seem to be ashamed - my youngest, who's 12, asked me a few weeks ago to go with him at the end-of-trimester meeting with his teacher and I did it very proudly. Their marks at school even improved spectacularly, since my coming out! They feel safe and nurtured, you know...

At my job, everyone was understanding and accepting - in fact, I feel that they now respect me even more than before and the Clinical Director of the hospital where I work (I'm an emergency physician) even confessed that I am the strongest candidate at becoming the next Head of Department.

The overwhelming majority of my friends, although very surprised, also supported my decision and I even gained a few new ones!

But not everything was roses... As with everything worthy in life, sacrifices had to be made. My parents and my sister no longer speak to me, since my coming out. Different generations and mentalities. It was not easy to lose them in the beginning, but nowadays I came to accept it as part of life.

Anyways... Here in Belgium, I know of at least three high profile trans women who transitioned late (this is in the public domain... I'm not outing anyone)... Bo Van Spilbeeck, a journalist and writer, who transitioned in 2018, at 59. And Petra De Sutter, professor of gynaecology, head of the Department of Reproductive Medicine at the University of Ghent and politician for the Green Party, who transitioned back in 2004, at age 41. The third is Winne Haenen, head inspector for the Belgian Health Department, who transitioned in 2016, at 55; interestingly, her first day in public as Winne was the fatidic 22 march 2016, day of the terrorist attacks in Brussels, and she was the emergency response coordinator... Imagine her stress! I actually met the three of them (on different occasions) and they are all three highly respected, beautiful ladies.

It's normal to worry about the future but... Don't let that prevent you from "ascending" and taking that "deep breath of fresh air"! Great rewards await...

Warm hugs,
Sarah

Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk

Hi Sarah, I have met many wonderful women on Susan's Playground and you are certainly one of them, one of the courageous, as are all of us who come out. I think Belgium is much like Canada, particularly Vancouver, for accepting the LGBTQ+ community, embracing diversity, where we thrive as a community.

I have also learned that the stories we tell ourselves tend to be far worse than what happens in reality. It's a defense mechanism to protect ourselves when things don't go well; at least we expected the situation to be this way. So far the experience has been positive, my marriage notwithstanding.

But I know I need to be careful. I wore a pair of black booties last night to pick up my daughter and she noticed I was wearing them. She chuckled, asked why I was wearing her boots or her mother's boots. I tried to side-step the question and asked that she just not mention this. I know this is unfair to her but she doesn't know yet and I don't want her to tell her mom. I am leading a double life and I thought she wouldn't notice, but I was wrong. Note to self ... don't be brazen and stupid at home, for now.

Your story is another example of how older people who transition can do so successfully and with support from family. Strong families will withstand the stress of a loved one coming out. This is what I'm learning. I hope my children are as understanding as yours.

It is so nice to meet you, Sarah. I hope you will continuing sharing you story as I will share mine.

Hugs Zoey

[Karen]

Hi Zoey!

I couldn't contain a smile while reading your thread, as I began seeing myself not so long ago...

If deep inside you feel that you are a woman (and with what you wrote I think that this is now beyond question), a transition will be the most liberating decision you will ever make. Its physical counterpart would be a diver who is about to drown while ascending and, at the very last second, just before she loses consciousness, she reaches the surface and takes the deepest and most life-saving breath ever! It's really a second chance... At being happy and fulfilled persons, in our case.

As you possibly know, in february 2017, at 44, I myself was not very young when I decided to transition. I was everything but convinced of the sanity of my decision. There was so much at stake: a 14-year old marriage, two teenager sons, a stable job, a large network of family and friends. And I felt that the results were all but guaranteed. I wasn't sure if I wouldn't regret it... And I thought to myself that if came to regret my decision, it would still be, in large measure, something irreversible... A one-way ticket, if you will.

Do you know when the doubts disappeared? A couple of days after I took "the" decision. From the moment that I gained the certainty that I would finally become Sarah, live as Sarah and in due time be recognized as Sarah, the surge of happiness was so incredible that I thought to myself: "No... Something that feels so right cannot possibly be wrong." And it has been so since then...

Never, not even for a minute, did I regret my decision to transition. And all the monsters I anticipated in my mind (losing my job, wife, kids, family, reputation, friends...) were only paper monsters.

My wife didn't leave me and has been supporting my transition all the way; we've never been so close, actually. My kids love me the way I am and only want to see me happy and above all to be there for them; they don't seem to be ashamed - my youngest, who's 12, asked me a few weeks ago to go with him at the end-of-trimester meeting with his teacher and I did it very proudly. Their marks at school even improved spectacularly, since my coming out! They feel safe and nurtured, you know...

At my job, everyone was understanding and accepting - in fact, I feel that they now respect me even more than before and the Clinical Director of the hospital where I work (I'm an emergency physician) even confessed that I am the strongest candidate at becoming the next Head of Department.

The overwhelming majority of my friends, although very surprised, also supported my decision and I even gained a few new ones!

But not everything was roses... As with everything worthy in life, sacrifices had to be made. My parents and my sister no longer speak to me, since my coming out. Different generations and mentalities. It was not easy to lose them in the beginning, but nowadays I came to accept it as part of life.

Anyways... Here in Belgium, I know of at least three high profile trans women who transitioned late (this is in the public domain... I'm not outing anyone)... Bo Van Spilbeeck, a journalist and writer, who transitioned in 2018, at 59. And Petra De Sutter, professor of gynaecology, head of the Department of Reproductive Medicine at the University of Ghent and politician for the Green Party, who transitioned back in 2004, at age 41. The third is Winne Haenen, head inspector for the Belgian Health Department, who transitioned in 2016, at 55; interestingly, her first day in public as Winne was the fatidic 22 march 2016, day of the terrorist attacks in Brussels, and she was the emergency response coordinator... Imagine her stress! I actually met the three of them (on different occasions) and they are all three highly respected, beautiful ladies.

It's normal to worry about the future but... Don't let that prevent you from "ascending" and taking that "deep breath of fresh air"! Great rewards await...

Warm hugs,
Sarah

Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk

Thanks Sarah.   Oh my goodness... what a beautiful and inspiring post.   

See my recent post...I am not there yet.  Feeling very lost and stuck.  Ironically I am seeing my gender therapist in 2 hours...to carry on the discussion of estrogen.   Whether to start or not...there's a formality to it and I am very afraid. 

Thank you

Karen

[Zoey421]

Update ... today I told my kids I am transgender while my wife and I told them we are separating. That is a lot to process.

They were amazing when I confided I am transgender, happy for their dad, glad that he is finding happiness and a way to resolve some of his mental illness. My 15-year-old daughter told me this new state of affairs will take getting used to. When I asked how she would like me to present myself in front of her, as a man or a woman, she told me to dress how I feel and she will tell me if she is uncomfortable and would like me to change. Such big shoulders for a young woman.

I did promise I won't show up to her high school in a ball gown with 6-inch heels! 

My son was equally open and supportive athough he lost feeling in his feet after we told him the news.    I haven't asked him the question about presentation yet as he went to talk with a friend.

I cried. I was scared. Once again, the story I told myself about what would happen was worse than what actually happened. I love my children, they the center of my life, and I hope they ask tons of questions as they come along this journey with me. I hope they also find someone with whom to talk about their dad and hopefully the person will listen and support them because that is what they will need.

Another step forward and, yes, I still feel like I'm moving a mach 10!

Hugs and Kisses Zoey

[tgirlamg]

Congrats Zoey!!!... You raised them well!!!...


Onward we go!!!

A 🙋‍♀️💕🌸

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Hallo Dietlind! 

Hi, just realized that you are a fellow medical professional, and most of all, you are living in Belgium.  I lived for many years in Aachen, and am pretty familiar with Belgium (and I am 1/2 Dutch, I know, nothing to be proud about    ).

Cool! I don't think there's anything to be ashamed about being half "Nederlander"! I regularly go to the Netherlands, but mostly close to my home (I live somewhere between Ghent and Antwerp): Hulst, Terneuzen, to the beach at Groede aan Zee. Sometimes we make a weekend trip to Rotterdam, 's Hertogenbosch, Den Haag or Amsterdam... I've never been to Aachen, yet.

I think that it is way easier to be "different" in Europe than it is in the US.  Germany just adapted a law to make a third gender official, while the current official US trend seems to try to eliminate people like I.

I also have that impression, about Western Europe... Belgium, for example, has adopted a new law in 2018 which states that one no longer needs castration or even letters from an endocrinologist, psychiatrist or therapist in order to officially change one's gender. Now it's enough to go to your local stadhuis (city hall) and ask for the change - the whole procedure takes quite a few months, but is much more straightforward than before. In Eastern Europe, things are still very far from being so simple... And in the US also. I have a cousin living in state of Kansas and he's transgender (FtM)... It hasn't been so pleasant for him, I'm afraid.

Once in a while I even contemplate to move back to Europe (I have dual citizenship), when I hear how relatively easy my life could be either in Germany, Belgium or the Netherlands.

With the right professional background, it's relatively easy to move to Germany, the Netherlands or Belgium. Unemployment rates are now at a record low (at least in Belgium) and I don't know if you already speak Dutch of German, but I've been living in Flanders for about 4 years and when I came here, I took an intensive Dutch course and after 1 month I was fluent enough (level B1) to start working at a local hospital. I'm the living proof that, with due diligence, it's perfectly doable.

Homophobia, even in the medical establishment here, is very big.  I found out about it the other day.  I seem to have an inflammation of my epididymis, and I mentioned it might be the easiest to remove the testicles and all, because I am a transgender person.  I was told that I would not find an urologist in the entire area of SW Florida who would remove testicles for the purpose of being transgender, and that they would rather pump antibiotics into me until they come out of my ears.  Talking about misuse of antibiotics! It is wonderful to live here in the land of eternal summer unter palm trees, but not if you don't fit into the norm!

That would be unimaginable in Belgium! Of course, the epididymitis would have to be treated before because no urologist would operate an actively infected structure, unless it's an emergency. But afterwards, I fail to see why you could not get an orchi... If you are a transgender woman and don't foresee GCS in a relatively short timeframe (which would include an orchi anyways), an orchi is a good way to avoid taking testosterone-blockers and their potential adverse effects. Declining you an orchi doesn't seem like a medically sound decision. It seems to be pure discrimination, indeed...

Here, there are laws against discrimination - and believe me, they are applied. More so in Flanders (Dutch-speaking part) than in Brussels or Wallonia (French-speaking part). I was NEVER aware of being victim of any form of transphobia or homophobia (besides being a transwoman, I'm also a lesbian). One of my fellow colleagues in the same Department is also a lesbian. It's not uncommon to go to the mall and seeing same-sex couples holding hands. It's not a taboo. Transgender people are not as common, of course. But at the local H&M (a Swedish brand of clothes stores), for example, there are at least two employees who are transgender women.

As for the eternal summer and palm trees, it's true that our weather sucks big time, especially in the winter. But then, we just take a flight and spend two weeks in the Antilles or Southeast Asia, just to recharge the batteries (some people prefer skiing in the Alps or the Pyrenees, but I'm more of a "beach-lover" kind of girl). And then in the summer, we just spend 2 or 3 weeks in Southern Europe, working on our tan!

Met vriendelijke groeten en warme knuffeltjes!

Sarah   

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Hi Zoey!

I am very happy for the big step you took! It takes an enormous courage and tact to come out to your kids!

I realize that this is very much a YMMV thing... It depends a lot on upbringing, social context, etc. Looks like you did very well on that side!

I'll never forget my own coming out to my two boys. They were 13 and 10 years-old, at the time. I wasn't sure how to do it, so I decided to write a little story, about a soufflé (yes, you read it right: a soufflé!) which was erroneously baked with sugar instead of salt... It was a silly story, really. But it was a cute warm-up for the chat I was planning on having with them, just to make them realize how something apparently born "wrong" could after all turn very "right" and even "delicious"! They were very intrigued! We went the four of us spend the weekend to closeby The Hague and then, in the hotel room, I just told them... They both cried, at first. And me too. And I promised them that I would to my best to be discreet... It wasn't my intention to present as a drag queen (they were afraid of that), but just as a plain, regular woman. The oldest told me that he was also crying because he felt sad at how many years I had lived as a boy, humiliated by my own family (it's a long story, not very happy)... Anyways, the conversation ended with us four hugging each other and promising that, no matter what, we'd be always stick together! I cried so much... Tears of joy and gratitude... I was so proud of them!

Don't be afraid, Zoey... I know that during the phase you are going through, transition seems to be the center of your world. You'll feel that there's no floor beneath it. That if it goes wrong, you will fall into an abyss of despair. But believe me: it's not like that. It doesn't have to be like that. Do not forget that you are not a transgender woman. Instead, you are a human (i.e. loving parent, trusted professional, faithful friend), who happens to be a woman, who happens to be transgender. Focus on life, treating your transition as just one aspect of it. Transition is very important - I know this for a fact - but without the rest, it is almost meaningless. There's a life, beyond transition. So cultivate love and tenderness towards those who share your destiny, cultivate yourself as a professional and human being, appreciate what HRT is going to bring you: more awareness of beauty, more sensitivity, more warmth... Don't let fear deprive you of what's really magical about transition.

After reading quite a few accounts, depending on how you approach it, transition can be your sweet way towards nirvana or it can be a descent to hell. Strive to remain zen at all times, never let go your empathy (this is almost a cliché by now: it's not only you who's transitioning, but also those around you), forgive yourself, be condescendent towards yourself, cherish yourself. In the process, the person you'll see in the mirror will not always be a reflection of the person you feel you are, but remain confident... Things will improve. And very important: smile. Smile as much as you can. Smile at the mirror. Be silly and playful. Don't take yourself too seriously and let your family understand that no, this is not the end of the world, but the beginning.

Well... Enough for today, I guess! I'm sorry for the redundancies and cheesy words, but I assure you that they come straight from the soul of a fellow human (who happens to be a woman, transgender by mere coincidence) who has been there and done that!

Warm hugs,
Sarah

[Linde]

Hallo Dietlind! 

Cool! I don't think there's anything to be ashamed about being half "Nederlander"! I regularly go to the Netherlands, but mostly close to my home (I live somewhere between Ghent and Antwerp): Hulst, Terneuzen, to the beach at Groede aan Zee. Sometimes we make a weekend trip to Rotterdam, 's Hertogenbosch, Den Haag or Amsterdam... I've never been to Aachen, yet.

I also have that impression, about Western Europe... Belgium, for example, has adopted a new law in 2018 which states that one no longer needs castration or even letters from an endocrinologist, psychiatrist or therapist in order to officially change one's gender. Now it's enough to go to your local stadhuis (city hall) and ask for the change - the whole procedure takes quite a few months, but is much more straightforward than before. In Eastern Europe, things are still very far from being so simple... And in the US also. I have a cousin living in state of Kansas and he's transgender (FtM)... It hasn't been so pleasant for him, I'm afraid.

With the right professional background, it's relatively easy to move to Germany, the Netherlands or Belgium. Unemployment rates are now at a record low (at least in Belgium) and I don't know if you already speak Dutch of German, but I've been living in Flanders for about 4 years and when I came here, I took an intensive Dutch course and after 1 month I was fluent enough (level B1) to start working at a local hospital. I'm the living proof that, with due diligence, it's perfectly doable.

That would be unimaginable in Belgium! Of course, the epididymitis would have to be treated before because no urologist would operate an actively infected structure, unless it's an emergency. But afterwards, I fail to see why you could not get an orchi... If you are a transgender woman and don't foresee GCS in a relatively short timeframe (which would include an orchi anyways), an orchi is a good way to avoid taking testosterone-blockers and their potential adverse effects. Declining you an orchi doesn't seem like a medically sound decision. It seems to be pure discrimination, indeed...

Here, there are laws against discrimination - and believe me, they are applied. More so in Flanders (Dutch-speaking part) than in Brussels or Wallonia (French-speaking part). I was NEVER aware of being victim of any form of transphobia or homophobia (besides being a transwoman, I'm also a lesbian). One of my fellow colleagues in the same Department is also a lesbian. It's not uncommon to go to the mall and seeing same-sex couples holding hands. It's not a taboo. Transgender people are not as common, of course. But at the local H&M (a Swedish brand of clothes stores), for example, there are at least two employees who are transgender women.

As for the eternal summer and palm trees, it's true that our weather sucks big time, especially in the winter. But then, we just take a flight and spend two weeks in the Antilles or Southeast Asia, just to recharge the batteries (some people prefer skiing in the Alps or the Pyrenees, but I'm more of a "beach-lover" kind of girl). And then in the summer, we just spend 2 or 3 weeks in Southern Europe, working on our tan!

Met vriendelijke groeten en warme knuffeltjes!

Sarah   

Vriendlelijke groeten en ook warme knuffeltjes terug naar jou!
I was born and raised in Germany just across the Dutch border from Roermond.  The language we talk there is Limburgs, it is spoken from the very western part of the Rhineland all the way over to Maaseik.  This means, I can get pretty well along with Dutch, and Africans seems to be also very close to it, because I can have a normal conversation with people who speak it. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limburgish 🔗).  However, it is not really a written language, and trying to form the sound of it with either the Dutch or German alphabet, is pretty difficult.  I can read Dutch pretty OK, too.  I almost lived 1/2 of my life in the area, Wegberg, Selfkant and Aaken.  We really did not clearly know who we were, Dutch or German, and it figures that I am also not clear about who I am , being intersex!  It seems to be the storry of my life, not belonging to any grouping!
I am lucky that I was able to retire early, and am as free as a bird!  I really like my life here under palm trees and at the gorgeous beaches of the Gulf, and everything seemed to be OK, until the current administration is trying to eliminate people like I!

Homophobia is now official government policy, and one can see it all over coming crawling out of it's dirty hiding places!
Physicians are included in the idiots (why not, a statistic average also includes physicians), and we seem to have a concentration of them in this area!
I don't normally introduce myself with anything but my name (it is not common to use Dr. in front of it, if you are a PhD), and here this idiot of an urologist pranced into the room, in his white lab coat, his electronic Littmann draped dramatically over his shoulders (a product of our laboratories), introducing himself as Dr. XXXX, and going on to act as if was just coming from the farm fields.  He started to tell me how dangerous a surgery would be, because of possible wound infections, etc.  My chin dropped almost to my knees because of the bull->-bleeped-<- he was telling me.  Anyway, as I left I told him, by the way, I am Dr. XXX and my specialty is infection control and prevention, and you better read up a little about this!  He did not say much anymore!
If you do surgeries in your ER, you might be working with some products i have the patent on (Ioban Incision Film, Tegaderm, etc.)

He did not even know what I have, because he never did any real examination.  I don't think I have any bacterial kind of infection.  I told him that I have this pain already for quite a while, and I do not run an temperature nor did the pain change much.  If this would be an untreated bacterial infection, I should feel definitely way different after a few month of having it.  He prescribed some brought spectrum antibiotics, and I take it just in case.  However, today, after several days on it, I still don't feel any change in pain.
I think I have some kind of chronic inflammation down there, and not antibiotics of the world will solve this.  But that is how some physicians are around here, if in doubt, throw some handfuls of antibiotics at a problem and sit back and hope it will help, while creating more serum resistant super bugs at the same time!

Yes, I hope to have an orchi, to eliminate some of the chemicals I have to constantly pop into my system.  An easy, short and cheap in and out procedure, which can almost be done while unwrapping the sandwich for lunch!
We too have laws against discrimination, but since our fearless chief in Washington has made it popular to violate them left and right, hardly anybody, who likes to discriminate, cares anymore.

Northwestern Europe sounds better at every next turn of some of the idiots here!

Nog een prettige dag
Linde

[Karen]

Update ... today I told my kids I am transgender while my wife and I told them we are separating. That is a lot to process.

They were amazing when I confided I am transgender, happy for their dad, glad that he is finding happiness and a way to resolve some of his mental illness. My 15-year-old daughter told me this new state of affairs will take getting used to. When I asked how she would like me to present myself in front of her, as a man or a woman, she told me to dress how I feel and she will tell me if she is uncomfortable and would like me to change. Such big shoulders for a young woman.

I did promise I won't show up to her high school in a ball gown with 6-inch heels! 

My son was equally open and supportive athough he lost feeling in his feet after we told him the news.    I haven't asked him the question about presentation yet as he went to talk with a friend.

I cried. I was scared. Once again, the story I told myself about what would happen was worse than what actually happened. I love my children, they the center of my life, and I hope they ask tons of questions as they come along this journey with me. I hope they also find someone with whom to talk about their dad and hopefully the person will listen and support them because that is what they will need.

Another step forward and, yes, I still feel like I'm moving a mach 10!

Hugs and Kisses Zoey

Hi Zoey...  Congralations on telling your kids.   You obviously have raised them well!!   They are clearly open minded and hearted...very special.   

I went through the same with my kids just before Christmas and had a similar expereince.  Like you, my kids are everything to me.  I had such deep fears of hurting team and their life...I still do, but feel much better knowing how grounded they and many young people are today!

Sending you big hugs!

Karen

[KimOct]

Yes, I hope to have an orchi, to eliminate some of the chemicals I have to constantly pop into my system.  An easy, short and cheap in and out procedure, which can almost be done while unwrapping the sandwich for lunch!
/quote]

I screwed up the quote thinga ma jiggy  LOL  the paragraph above was from Dietlind - below is my reply.

I had my orchie in June 2017 and I realize that you were joking but just wanted to clarify for others reading.  An orchie is relatively easy as far as surgeries go.  It is usually done under general anesthesia ( I can't imagine being awake ) and in my case I went home 10 hours after I arrived. 

I asked a few Transwomen that had it previously and they said - no big deal - well yeah compared to my kidney removal it was no big deal but I was uncomfortable for about 10 days.  I stayed home for 3 days with an ice pack.  Certainly nothing compared to vaginoplasty but not exactly a vasectomy - snip snip. 

At least it gets rid of the testosterone.   And in my case it qualified as GRS for my birth certificate change so I am legally female in every way.

Just wanted to let other people know - it's not too bad but it is not nothing.

[Linde]

Yes, I hope to have an orchi, to eliminate some of the chemicals I have to constantly pop into my system.  An easy, short and cheap in and out procedure, which can almost be done while unwrapping the sandwich for lunch!

I screwed up the quote thinga ma jiggy  LOL  the paragraph above was from Dietlind - below is my reply.

I had my orchie in June 2017 and I realize that you were joking but just wanted to clarify for others reading.  An orchie is relatively easy as far as surgeries go.  It is usually done under general anesthesia ( I can't imagine being awake ) and in my case I went home 10 hours after I arrived. 

I asked a few Transwomen that had it previously and they said - no big deal - well yeah compared to my kidney removal it was no big deal but I was uncomfortable for about 10 days.  I stayed home for 3 days with an ice pack.  Certainly nothing compared to vaginoplasty but not exactly a vasectomy - snip snip. 

At least it gets rid of the testosterone.   And in my case it qualified as GRS for my birth certificate change so I am legally female in every way.

Just wanted to let other people know - it's not too bad but it is not nothing.

I don't see any reason why they could not apply an epidural, or similar form of spinal anesthesia.  The surgery is really no big deal.  The advantage of a local anesthesia is faster recovery and less risk because of the anesthesia.

I would want to be able to observe the surgery, when ever possible.  I definitely want to see the sterile presentation of the instruments used!  I on't understand what you did for  10 hours there (which surgery center was it?), I assume you did not stay to play cards with the staff?

I also need it be done o get name and gender changed.

i repaired the quote for you!

[KimOct]

Thanks for fixing the quote - yeah I suppose they could do it as a local - I wouldn't want to though.  I read before having it done that it is usually under general.  Probably for the patient's emotional comfort - definitely for mine.  They did not give me the choice though - it was just assumed that it would be general.

As for the 10 hours that was from when I arrived until when I left.  The surgeon told me the procedure was about an hour.  I don't know the details about why it is an hour - such as cutting and sewing back up.  I left the scrotum in case I have vaginoplasty.  The other 9 hours was a couple hours waiting around 2 hours - then prep time and 90 minutes in recovery then they kept me there for 2 hours after I woke up.  Got there at 8 am and went home between 5 and 6 pm.
I had it done at the U of MN hospital - they were going to do it at the surgery center but they were freaked out by my heart history and wanted to do it in the hospital just in case.

I was pretty sore for at least a week - enough so that I called the nurse on day 5 to ask if something was wrong.  I was told by friends it was easy peasey.  The nurse told me that it was normal to be in some discomfort for a week or so and she was right.  By day 10 the discomfort was pretty much gone. 

It really wasn't bad - just hurt for a few days - then some discomfort.  Just wanted to give full disclosure that it's not like getting a wart removed or something but I wouldn't give it a second thought if you want it done.

[Zoey421]

And the train continues to barrel along the track ...

I told you yesterday I revealed that I was transgender to my 20y son and 15y daughter. Well, everything was not straight forward as I thought. My son was very upset and "traumatized" by what I revealed. I found this out from my wife after she spoke with him today. He is traveling to see his maternal grandparents tonight for a "vacation" but also to have time to talk with them about the situation.

He and I talked today for about 90 minutes and I think I was able to clear up some of his concerns. First ... was I going to dress as a "drag queen"? How far am I going to take my outward presentation? Second ... am I getting surgery? Both are great questions. The first question is addressing a stereotype and the second is related to his moral framework around how biology defines who we are. My son is very curious and a deep thinker.

First, presentation. I told him I have no desire to present as a drag queen and this is a stereotype that is misplaced. I want to present as a woman within a framework where I am comfortable. This means, dressing in a more feminine style, which for me is a classic and conservative sense of fashion with flashes of colour. Frankly, that is how my mom dressed. He is uncomfortable seeing me dressed as a woman and I need to respect that, so I agreed to present as a man while I am with him, while still wearing jewelry that I love. My hope is that as he learns more about what it means for me to be a transgender woman he will become more comfortable with me presenting female. I love him so much and I need to allow him to process this new state of affairs at his own pace, answer his questions, and help him along this journey with me.

Second, changing my body. My son's philosophical perspective, in my opinion, is that biology is deterministic and gender is not defined by society and culture. He and I don't agree on this perspective; I'm very much of the opinion gender is a cultural construct and is different from sex. We discussed this point. I can't change my sex, I will always have XY chromosomes and specific male anatomy like a prostate. Sex is biologically determined. Gender, on the other hand, is culturally defined. The idea of being a man or a woman, the behaviours we exhibit, the way we dress, that way we interact with other people, is defined by the culture in which we live. Furthermore, gender is a spectrum and there are a wide variety of identities along this spectrum.

To him, surgically changing my anatomy is really upsetting, unnatural. For me, I am nowhere near a decision about GCS and this is not part of the equation for me at this time. Even starting a HRT regime is not on the radar although I do want to explore this further, just not now. I have so many other issues to work through and HRT and GCS are significant decisions. I told him I don't know where I will end up except that I know I want to live true to my feminine side and more as a woman. What "living as a woman" means is still at the early start of my explorations. I know I can't live full time as a woman today, that I need to be respectful and empathetic particularly with my children. I know in my heart I want to get to that point, but I also know, and many of you have told me, to go slowly.

We also talked about the balance between being a transgender woman and being more than just a transgender woman. I believe it is important that being a transgender woman should not be the center of my personality, it is an integral part of me, but not the only thing about me. I am a professional accountant, a non-profit executive leader, an active promoter for positive mental health, a father ... I just happen to be a transgender woman as well. This has been the most important lesson I have learned from other transgender women.

I think he was glad to hear me say that. He is supportive, wants me to be happy, and will end up being a great defender of me. He has told three of friends; I'm so glad he has friends in whom he can confide because it is important for him to have a safe place to talk about his thoughts, feelings, and concerns about having a dad who has realized his true self is a transgender woman.

I told him I will always be his Dad, to call me Dad and if he wants to use he/him pronouns even when I come to the point where I want to use she/her pronouns, that is okay. The same goes with my name ... if he wants to continue using my dead name, I want to respect that. As we travel on this journey his idea of me as a transgender woman may change, he may come to a different position, and that is okay too.

I think he will evolve his understanding with time, because, really, it was less than 24 hours since I revealed to him I was transgender. So much information to process. So many thoughts to process. He needs to follow his own path.

I talked with my daughter today as well, but that will be another post.

I am so glad to share my thoughts with you, to create a running diary of this journey. Thank you, all of my sisters-in-arms, for your love and support.

Luv Zoey xoxoxo