My wife and I have been married over 34 years. I always knew something wasn't right, but for decades I just thought I was a crossdresser. My wife was OK when I occasionally wore women's underwear, but that was as far as I could go. It wasn't until two years ago, 28 Dec 2016, that I found the source of my anger and rage -- hiding your soul for four decades can do that sort of thing. My wife was mad as hell for months, and any mention of it was shot down immediately. Eventually we went to therapy, and met another couple like us. It took about 18 months, but my wife now understands. She is now happier than she had been in years, and my wife and daughters are no longer afraid of me.
Initially we all probably believe that we can control this, letting her out once in a while will be enough. Sometimes it is enough, but just as often the need still grows, and occasional opportunities are not sufficient. You should not feel guilty, this isn't a choice you made. Your initial choice was to remain in hiding, which will not lead to your happiness. If you are not happy, how can those around you be happy?
We have two daughters, they were 19 and 23 when I came out to them on 26 Dec 2017. Telling them my story was difficult, and I cried most of the way through. Both of my daughters accepted this change in my life, and they are not ashamed to tell their friends. Our family is certainly non-traditional, but where is the fun and joy in being normal!