So I think my mom knows... where to go from here?

[Sky1090]

So I had a massive blow up about nothing today. This is fairly common place for me. I feel this pain growing inside me for a period of time and I eventually find someone to blame my frustration and sadness on. From there I typically storm out in tears, drive off and come back a couple hours later worse than I was before. Yeah. Lots of fun.

Anyway, this happened today at my parents house. After o got my emotions under control, I went back to apologize. I told my mother that there is something inside me that I can't control and I can't hold back any longer. I told her it's been there for my whole life and I have been too afraid to tell anyone anything. That I want to finally be me and not hide behind any false personalities any more.

She looked at me and didn't say anything for a minute but then said tearfully that she thinks she knows what this is. That it goes completely against her beliefs and she doesn't know how she will deal with it but she loves me and wants to see me happy.

Now I'm not sure how I feel. Like, if she does know, I'm thrilled. At the same time, I'm terrified. My fiancé told me this will make it easier coming out to them if she knows. I don't know about that. I feel like this just put anther kink in everything. Where would you go from here with the suspicion that your mother may know at least something?


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[Dena]

Unless you said the transgender word, you can't be sure your mother knows. She could think your gay or something else. It would probably be best just to clear the air and describe exactly what's going on so your mother doesn't have any false illusions.

[ChrissyRyan]

So I had a massive blow up about nothing today. This is fairly common place for me. I feel this pain growing inside me for a period of time and I eventually find someone to blame my frustration and sadness on. From there I typically storm out in tears, drive off and come back a couple hours later worse than I was before. Yeah. Lots of fun.

Anyway, this happened today at my parents house. After o got my emotions under control, I went back to apologize. I told my mother that there is something inside me that I can't control and I can't hold back any longer. I told her it's been there for my whole life and I have been too afraid to tell anyone anything. That I want to finally be me and not hide behind any false personalities any more.

She looked at me and didn't say anything for a minute but then said tearfully that she thinks she knows what this is. That it goes completely against her beliefs and she doesn't know how she will deal with it but she loves me and wants to see me happy.

Now I'm not sure how I feel. Like, if she does know, I'm thrilled. At the same time, I'm terrified. My fiancé told me this will make it easier coming out to them if she knows. I don't know about that. I feel like this just put anther kink in everything. Where would you go from here with the suspicion that your mother may know at least something?


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Consider asking your mother what she is thinking.  Besides knowing what she is thinking, it can be a springboard for further open discussion. 

Chrissy

[Sky1090]

Unless you said the transgender word, you can't be sure your mother knows. She could think your gay or something else. It would probably be best just to clear the air and describe exactly what's going on so your mother doesn't have any false illusions.

That's going to be a plan for the next couple months is coming up with a way to use the proper words to educate them on what this is. My mom will be more accepting than my dad, but they are both fairly extreme in their religious beliefs.

The past few months, I've hinted at things with her and have done things that may have let her into this. I wanted her to find out on her own. I know that's juvenile thinking and I need to just face this fear and say something. But she said she has seen things and heard things from me that made her wonder about this. She wouldn't put her finger on it and say the words either so it's impossible to know if she knows. Just the way she said things makes me wonder...


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[Sky1090]

Consider asking your mother what she is thinking.  Besides knowing what she is thinking, it can be a springboard for further open discussion. 

Chrissy

Maybe I'll bring this up next weekend when I see her. I want to kind of let the air cool between us because we both said some hurtful things earlier today. It feels less tense now but it was definitely not a shining moment for a parent and her child


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[KathyLauren]

Maybe I'll bring this up next weekend when I see her. I want to kind of let the air cool between us because we both said some hurtful things earlier today. It feels less tense now but it was definitely not a shining moment for a parent and her child

That sounds like a good plan.  Hints and wondering are not good communication strategies.  If you tell her, then she'll know, and you will know how she feels about it.  Keeping it inside is clearly hurting you.

[Sky1090]

After talking to my fiancé, it seems my mother definitely knows. She talked to my mom away from me yesterday. My mom confided in her and told her that she is okay with gay but transgender is a different story. She says god doesn't make mistakes and you are what you are. Period.

I actually agree. If there is a god, they didn't make a mistake. I was created perfectly unique and I am what I am. Period. She already knows I'm not religious. She says it's sad that I don't live a faith based life and chose to believe scientific studies and research instead. Idk. It's not going to be easy with her and my dad. All I ask for now is their respect. I don't care if I ever get support but I just want them to respect me and my beliefs


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[ChrissyRyan]

After talking to my fiancé, it seems my mother definitely knows. She talked to my mom away from me yesterday. My mom confided in her and told her that she is okay with gay but transgender is a different story. She says god doesn't make mistakes and you are what you are. Period.

I actually agree. If there is a god, they didn't make a mistake. I was created perfectly unique and I am what I am. Period. She already knows I'm not religious. She says it's sad that I don't live a faith based life and chose to believe scientific studies and research instead. Idk. It's not going to be easy with her and my dad. All I ask for now is their respect. I don't care if I ever get support but I just want them to respect me and my beliefs

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I wish you the best concerning this.  Always love your parents.

Chrissy

[Northern Star Girl]

After talking to my fiancé, it seems my mother definitely knows. She talked to my mom away from me yesterday. My mom confided in her and told her that she is okay with gay but transgender is a different story. She says god doesn't make mistakes and you are what you are. Period.

I actually agree. If there is a god, they didn't make a mistake. I was created perfectly unique and I am what I am. Period. She already knows I'm not religious. She says it's sad that I don't live a faith based life and chose to believe scientific studies and research instead. Idk. It's not going to be easy with her and my dad. All I ask for now is their respect. I don't care if I ever get support but I just want them to respect me and my beliefs

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@Sky1090
Coming out and gaining acceptance, especially from our own parents, can be a very difficult endeavor for most transitioners...  and please believe when I tell you that many times when finding out that their offspring is going down the transition journey it can be much more difficult for them that it is for you to finally inform them of your life plans.  Have patience with them.
 
The comment reply that you got from  @KathyLauren  is the right way to proceed in my opinion:

That sounds like a good plan.  Hints and wondering are not good communication strategies.  If you tell her, then she'll know, and you will know how she feels about it.  Keeping it inside is clearly hurting you.

Getting this off of your chest with you parents and when you come-out to others as time goes by is like a big weight is lifted off of your shoulders each time that you do it... and it will become somewhat easier every time you do it.
One thing that I truly believe in regarding your parents, is yes, they need to respect your beliefs, BUT if they do not and are still not accepting you, you do need to continue to respect and love them as your parents... they will always be your parents and you do not want regrets later on in life for words spoken in the heat of the moment... heated arguments and angry talk will not win you any points.    I have personal experience to back up what I just stated... so please do your best to be respectful.

I am wishing you well in your journey...
Thank you for sharing and posting.  Please keep us updated if you feel so led... we are here to lend an ear and a shoulder to lean on when the news is not so good, and when you give a good report we will rejoice and be happy with you.  We are your biggest fans and we are always rooting for your success.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Sky1090]

@Sky1090
Coming out and gaining acceptance, especially from our own parents, can be a very difficult endeavor for most transitioners...  and please believe when I tell you that many times when finding out that their offspring is going down the transition journey it can be much more difficult for them that it is for you to finally inform them of your life plans.  Have patience with them.
 
The comment reply that you got from  @KathyLauren  is the right way to proceed in my opinion:
Getting this off of your chest with you parents and when you come-out to others as time goes by is like a big weight is lifted off of your shoulders each time that you do it... and it will become somewhat easier every time you do it.
One thing that I truly believe in regarding your parents, is yes, they need to respect your beliefs, BUT if they do not and are still not accepting you, you do need to continue to respect and love them as your parents... they will always be your parents and you do not want regrets later on in life for words spoken in the heat of the moment... heated arguments and angry talk will not win you any points.    I have personal experience to back up what I just stated... so please do your best to be respectful.

I am wishing you well in your journey...
Thank you for sharing and posting.  Please keep us updated if you feel so led... we are here to lend an ear and a shoulder to lean on when the news is not so good, and when you give a good report we will rejoice and be happy with you.  We are your biggest fans and we are always rooting for your success.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Thank you so much Danielle as well as everyone else! I've started coming out to a few people now. My biggest hurdle is and will be my parents and my brothers who believe what my mom stated about god not making mistakes. My brothers go further and believe the trans community is just one big joke and that we must be a bunch of pedophiles. Their views and comments about us honestly doesn't anger me. It disgusts me and I feel sorry for them being so closed minded.

I do agree that I need to just tell them the truth. I may have to let it ride for a little bit. My fiancé and I had to move into their basement suite as a kind of halfway house while we finish school. I can't trust how they will react and I can't put my fiancé and son through their potential outlash. I would hope my mom would stick to what she said. That she may not agree, like or know how to deal with it but she loves me and wants to see me happy


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