Materials for young adults to help them with dad who is transgender

[Zoey421]

Hi ... I have come out as transgender to my 15y daughter and 20y son. This is a lot of information and, frankly, a disruption to their perception about who is their dad. I have had great talks with them but I want to direct them to materials that will help them through the process, increase their understanding of transgender people, particularly MtF transition, and dispell their stereotypes.

They are also concerned about how their friends will react to the news. Will they be stigmatized? How do they address hurtful comments about me? Will they be embarrassed or shamed?

If anyone has a line on materials that I can share with my kids, please let me know.

Thank you so much, Love Zoey

[Devlyn]

Congratulations on the big step of coming out to them! I think people of their generation are far more accepting and more familiar with openly transgender people than in the past.

We have the Significant Others subforum here for non-transgender people to interact with each other and seek advice. PFLAG might be an option. Up in Boston, Fenway Health offers free support groups for family members.

Best wishes moving forward, remember to keep the lines of communication open. Be ready to listen, be ready to understand their concerns, and share yours with them.

Hugs, Devlyn

[LizK]

Hi Zoey

My girls were in their early 20's when I came out to them... I didn't give them any specific information apart from telling them what I knew. They did their own research and found their own resources. I don't think it would have mattered much what respirces I gave them as they would have found their own regardless of what I did.

Telling their friends and dealing with the ridicule and comments has been far more difficult. It's like a coming out for them and they got all sorts of reactions. Some favourable and few that were not so great...in fact we talked about this the other day and they both said they would do it differently if they had a chance to do it again and would tell far fewer friends.

They did have a hard time with it being they were so open and found some of the comments very hard to take. When we chatted It came out that having the basics correct is very important. The misnaming and misgendering of me they found difficult to deal with.

Happy to discuss this in more detail if you want to discuss it further then I can send you PM

Good luck

Take care

Liz


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[ChrissyRyan]

Hi ... I have come out as transgender to my 15y daughter and 20y son. This is a lot of information and, frankly, a disruption to their perception about who is their dad. I have had great talks with them but I want to direct them to materials that will help them through the process, increase their understanding of transgender people, particularly MtF transition, and dispell their stereotypes.

They are also concerned about how their friends will react to the news. Will they be stigmatized? How do they address hurtful comments about me? Will they be embarrassed or shamed?

If anyone has a line on materials that I can share with my kids, please let me know.

Thank you so much, Love Zoey

Zoey,


PFLAG has a free downloadable PDF for "allies of transgenders."
Do an online search and you should find it.
The book may be good even for some transgendered people themsleves!
The hardcopy may be bought too.

Chrissy

[Zoey421]

Hi Zoey

My girls were in their early 20's when I came out to them... I didn't give them any specific information apart from telling them what I knew. They did their own research and found their own resources. I don't think it would have mattered much what respirces I gave them as they would have found their own regardless of what I did.

Telling their friends and dealing with the ridicule and comments has been far more difficult. It's like a coming out for them and they got all sorts of reactions. Some favourable and few that were not so great...in fact we talked about this the other day and they both said they would do it differently if they had a chance to do it again and would tell far fewer friends.

They did have a hard time with it being they were so open and found some of the comments very hard to take. When we chatted It came out that having the basics correct is very important. The misnaming and misgendering of me they found difficult to deal with.

Happy to discuss this in more detail if you want to discuss it further then I can send you PM

Good luck

Take care

Liz

Hi Liz, thank you for sharing the experience with your children. The comments and ridicule are the concerns for my daughter and she has not told anyone yet. My son has told 3 of his friends and they were understanding and supportive.

Slow and easy, that is an approach that I need to remember and it is good advice to pass on to my son and daughter.

I will take up your offer to PM as well.

Hugs Zoey xoxo

[Ricki Wright]

I would like to suggest "Understanding Transgender Diversity" by Claire Ruth Winter. This book helped me put into words things I knew I had been feeling most of my life. My girls reacted rather well: the 26 year old still wanted to call me Dad, the 20 year old was glad "the" news wasn't anything serious, and the 16 year old took it in stride. The younger two have a childhood friend who is mtf and getting top surgery soon. This generation is a lot less hung up on things than Gen X ever was. As an early Gen x'er myself, I am rather jealous at times of the world they get to grow up in.

Hope it helps,

Ricki