Came out to myself. Telling fiancé today. Scared.

[Emppu]

Hello all!

Writing my first post here because I finally came out to myself after roughly 15 years of fluctuating internal struggles.

Now 2 days later I'm about to bite the bullet and tell my fiancé because we have talked about marriage and would be doing it in a month or two for few legal reasons that I won't be getting too much into now.

I want to tell her before it because it's only fair that way and honestly said I have never been this scared because she's tripping over already because we had rough time week ago and now I told we need to talk over messenger while she's at work. This is going to be really bad for both of us or then I'm just super pessimistic.

Wish me luck!

- Emppu

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Emppu!

Welcome to Susan's Place.

Coming out is a very difficult thing to do, but you have already done the hardest one: coming out to yourself.  So congratulations on that.

I think it is wise to tell your fiancée soon, rather than later, especially with a wedding being planned.  You can't control how she will take the news.  Let her feel what she feels.  Then, you will have to negotiate where to go from there.

This is pretty recent for you, so I would recommend seeing a gender therapist soon, to help you confirm your own understanding, and to plan what you want to do about it. 

Good luck!

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

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[Northern Star Girl]

Hello all!

Writing my first post here because I finally came out to myself after roughly 15 years of fluctuating internal struggles.

Now 2 days later I'm about to bite the bullet and tell my fiancé because we have talked about marriage and would be doing it in a month or two for few legal reasons that I won't be getting too much into now.

I want to tell her before it because it's only fair that way and honestly said I have never been this scared because she's tripping over already because we had rough time week ago and now I told we need to talk over messenger while she's at work. This is going to be really bad for both of us or then I'm just super pessimistic.

Wish me luck!

- Emppu

@Emppu
Dear Emppu:
     I am so very happy to see that you have now come to the Introductions Forum to tell more members about yourself since becoming a member of Susan's Place. 
I also see that our lovely member  @KathyLauren  has Officially Welcomed you... and at the end of her welcome message to you she has given you important and informative LINKS that will help you to navigate and around the forums and get the most out of your time here on the Forums.

    As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are.

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.

    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    Please look closely at the LINKS in RED at the end of Kathy Lauren's message, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.     

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

@Emppu
Oh, and another thing Emppu...
As our member @KathyLauren suggested in her message to you, please plan to find your way to the Introductions Forum so that more members will be aware of your arrival.
     
Thank you again for joining Susan's Place and being involved in the Forums here.
Best wishes to you,
Danielle
NOTE:  Now I will let you have your thread back so you can continue to pursue the answers you are seeking.

[debrahelen]

Welcome to the community Emppu
  I hope all goes well with your fiance - coming out and being honest about who you are and who you want to be is scary as the path forward is not always straightforward.  Let us know how it goes with your journey.
Deb

[Dana Thompson]

You are doing the right thing telling her now. It will probably go awful and she may not stay with you. Trust me, that is 10000% better than telling her after you are married and/or have kids.

I came out a few months ago and my wife and I are not having a good time of it. I should have told her before we were married but I thought I could continue to bury it. I was very wrong.


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[Emppu]

Thank you all for the kind words! I will go write an introduction post when the dust settles.

Looks like this was it for us and she tries but can't see future for us.. Both are pretty devastated.

Another nasty part is the fact I'm an expat so there will be looong flight ahead of me again...

Oh well, time to digest this all.