Hi questioning

[roseyfox]

Hello I am Rosa, I been questioning for some time if I might be non-binary. I don't mind presenting as female nor male. I just do as I feel. I do want srs sugery but that again is to be me neither for a masculine or feminine reason. I just don't fit in the rigid boxes of gender. I hardly even believe in the concept as a whole so I think I might just be none binary. Any help would be appreciated.

[roseyfox]

Guy mode vs girl mode!


Yet I feel happy an myself as ether. I just want srs and hrt. It just doctor and therapist constantly make me feel if I am on hrt. I have to be female 24/7

[Michelle_P]

It does sound to me like you might be non-binary.  That's OK, too, of course.

Ultimately, you just have to be true to yourself, and never mind what others have to say.  I know a number of nonbinary and genderfluid folks who prefer to work from a feminine body, and some needed GCS to get there.  That's OK, too.  They are each following their own path through life, and doing what they felt was most appropriate for themselves.

Some medical practitioners still are hung up on 'binary for all', very much last-generation stuff from their education and training.  As many of us know, this model doesn't fit us all that well.  You might have to seek out new providers, or TEMPORARILY bend a bit to satisfy your current providers. 

[Devlyn]

My therapist sat me down before showing me the surgery letter and said:

"Devlyn, I want you to know that we understand genderfluid. I have been listening to you. But insurance companies need to hear certain language before they'll approve funding for surgery. When you read this letter, it's going to sound like it was written for a woman who identifies as a transsexual wiith persistent dysphoria. We have to do this to make sure you get approval.

All providers differ, of course.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Allison S]

I don't think gender matters. Anyone can be nonbinary regardless of where you started and how you get there... People detransition and that's okay too. It shouldn't effect your job in anyway and if people in your life will accept you regardless with time.  I can't gaurantee these things of course because I don't know you.

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[Maid Marion]

I'm non-binary at the moment.  I present as male at work because it is still a male patriarchy but more towards female outside work.  I've always been misgendered.  These days it doesn't bother the slightest.

Unless you are wealthy or come into some money you will need to play by the rules of the insurance company that covers you.

[Linde]

I consider myself not non binary, but gender fluid.  I can switch between male or female presentation at will, without having any dysphoria about my genitals.  However, my default gender is female, and I want to have SRS done, too.

Concerning my sexual orientation I am 100% binary, no matter which gender I represent at the moment, I am interested in women only

[transspoonie]

I've been sitting on a "Hi questioning, I'm Dad!" joke all day, so I might as well tell it now. Badum tish~

I think you could be nonbinary, and whether or not you feel that label fits you in the future, there's no harm in exploring it now.

I went from thinking I was genderfluid, to thinking I was a binary trans man, to finally realizing I'm a nonbinary trans man. I'm very uncomfortable with being perceived as a woman, and it causes intense dysphoria for me. I'd much rather be seen as a literal man in a dress, or an androgynous person with a nice beard and sparkly nail polish. Unfortunately, dysphoria and safety concerns limit my ability to "dress up" in that way.

I hope the gel manicure I'm getting next week helps me feel a bit more "me," despite the little voice in my head telling me it's a bad idea.

[Andie1963]

Guy mode vs girl mode!


Yet I feel happy an myself as ether. I just want srs and hrt. It just doctor and therapist constantly make me feel if I am on hrt. I have to be female 24/7

Very beautiful lady


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[Rachel_Christina]

My therapist sat me down before showing me the surgery letter and said:

"Devlyn, I want you to know that we understand genderfluid. I have been listening to you. But insurance companies need to hear certain language before they'll approve funding for surgery. When you read this letter, it's going to sound like it was written for a woman who identifies as a transsexual wiith persistent dysphoria. We have to do this to make sure you get approval.

All providers differ, of course.

Hugs, Devlyn

A strange statement for a therapist to make.
Sounds like real risky business on his or her behalf.

I have twisted insurance many times in the past.
Financially it made sense. But should something go wrong nothing would have been covered at the time, and of course this would have had no real repercussions on my mental even if it did go wrong.

[JB_Girl]

There is a group of us who gather near Astoria Oregon a few times every year and do the non-binary waltz for hours on end.  What seems to come out of these evenings (besides a great number of redundant adjectives) is  a consensus that what matters is your internal health, both mental and physical.  I live my life in the guise of a woman.  My experience tells me that this is not the whole picture and I am frequently pretty butch.  I do not take offense however I am gendered in the course of my life and I do not feel the need to correct anyone's reading of me.  But if you want to spend much time with me I expect that you comply with how I see myself.

For the purposes of insurance I was MTF.  My therapist was essential to my successfully walking that ledge and it has been a couple of years since I had gender confirmation surgery.  If surgery is important to you, don't think that it is disingenuous to play the game that the people who are paying the bill require.  You are the determinant of your identity and you are the decision maker about how you live and how you expect to be treated. 

I kind of think of myself as a woman with some sprinkles. One of the advantages to living as I do is that I am fulfilled by the knowledge that I am exactly who I say I am.  What you see is your business, but if you want to interact with me other than superficially, respect how I present and how I live.   But while it is not my job to make you pure, it is my prerogative to walk away with a smile.

I travel a fair amount and for me having my passport, and my body match is important.  For years I always worried that if something happened and I ended up in a hospital or worse a jail in Central America or even Europe that my safety would be compromised by being a woman with a penis.  But that was really just a small part of the equation.  I had the surgery necessary to make me whole.

My primary gender is and has always been female in spirit, but for decades I lived without too much trouble in the trappings of a man.  For me to spend the last eight years in the netherworld of transition required that I be all in and committed to the outcome.

So am I binary, gender fluid, non-binary, queer?  I'm all of those things, but most of all I am authentic and I am happy.  You are beautiful in either guise.  How this works out is the correct result if it is the correct outcome for you.  Something to talk to your therapist about.

Good luck and I wish you peace,
Julie

[Tessa James]

As one of the Astoria area groupies i will refrain from excessive adjectives but we do like to dance!  Non-binary seems an awkward term and seems part of an evolving cultural understanding of gender.  i look forward to more positive terminology.

A gender that is non binary is not as simple as black and white, right and wrong or Barbie and Ken.  We know it is challenging to some folks and it seems the product of rigid thinking and simplistic labeling.  Decades ago I recall smart folks assuring me that bisexuality was a myth too and that i and others were too timid to commit or in denial about being gay.  We still seem to have internal skirmishes about who is hot and what is not but it is clear that some sort of spectrum and diversity for gender does exist that is real and life long.

Relationships we create here and IRL, with any depth, may suggest the best option is to get to know ourselves and each other on a deeper plane.  Transition is a personal odyssey that is likely to question and shake the very foundations of our place in the world.  We can hold fast to our sense of self while negotiating a new place amongst the populace.

We have a fabulous opportunity here to explore while supporting and encouraging each other in personal growth.  Your inherent gender may just be one of a kind?  Lets celebrate our unique life.

[Linde]

Non-binary seems an awkward term and seems part of an evolving cultural understanding of gender.  i look forward to more positive terminology.

A gender that is non binary is not as simple as black and white, right and wrong or Barbie and Ken. 

i don't really know what non-binary even means?  I assume it has nothing to do with seuality, or am I wrong?

Here I sit, without any real gender identity, never had one, but hope to eventually get a more fmle one.  I still can be a woman or man, just at any time I want to be one or the other, I don't have any real dysphoria that I would now of!

Am I non-binary?  Or am I another version of the human gender spectrum?

[Sno]

Hi hon.

It can feel horribly disconcerting to just feel undefined. Your description of never having a gender identity is non-binary it falls under the agender spectrum - the camp in which we are firmly placed. Neutrois is where we feel some kind of identity, but it is neither one side, or the other - again under the non binary agender umbrella. The whole non-binary space is complex, as it's trying to define 'everything else'. Bigender, trigender, gender fluid, agender, the list goes on, as quietly we slip out of the shadows and talk of our experiences, and that's before we even start talking about dysphoria or clothing....

We have a part that is feminine, but are also mainly agender/neutrois, so even as a non-binary it's complicated.

Our wiki, is a good place to start - in the end it's about finding a way for the world to recognised the real you, without us having to 'act the part'.

(Hugs)

Rowan

[Devlyn]

A strange statement for a therapist to make.
Sounds like real risky business on his or her behalf.

I have twisted insurance many times in the past.
Financially it made sense. But should something go wrong nothing would have been covered at the time, and of course this would have had no real repercussions on my mental even if it did go wrong.

How so? It's an LGBTIQ clinic, and they were making sure that all the boxes were ticked to make the insurance company pay for the treatment that I needed. That's a good therapist doing their job in my opinion. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Tessa James]

Many people, both cis and transgender, simply know themselves to be male or female.  That intrinsic identity follows our cultural binary model for them, as male-female represent the two genders most people know of and are familiar with.  There are far more than two genders and indigenous folks that recognized two spirit people are but one example.  Some people feel their gender is fluid or situational or simply not expressed publicly but felt privately.   

I consider my gender to be unique and not completely male or female but an amalgam of who I am and what I have experienced.  While I do not feel like a man and I also do not feel I am completely a woman.  I often do feel like a girl in the sense of learning and growing to know myself better.  Our understanding of gender can certainly evolve as transition provides such a fascinating look at our life and times.