Accidental Correct Gendering at Work

[CallMeV]

 I recently, 6 mos ago, got a more genderqueer/gender neutral hair cut. This has helped with my dysphoria alot as I identify as a genderqueer trans man. So I wasnt too concerned that my hair cut was still the slightest bit fem instead of like a cis dude's hair cut. But at my latest appointment, I had the stylist adjust the style making it a little shorter in places and I started using less product. I think I've managed to tip things over into a new level of masc gender presentation
Since this last cut, people at work have started 'accidentally' Gendering me correctly. For context, I work at a software helpdesk and we all sit at little mini cubicles. So generally, when speaking with coworkers throughout the day, you only see their head and shoulders. The first few times, I wrote it off as coincidence as I've always gotten those occasional 'sir's if the other person cant see my body. But it's becoming so frequent at work that I cant help but attribute it to my hair. Its been making me really happy on the inside, I may never change my hair again.
  The problem is I dont know how to deal with the aftermath. The other person always seems to be so uncomfortable because they think they have made a mistake. I'm not out yet, so I cant tell them 'it's fine! I prefer it' but I also want them to keep doing it?
I've been thinking of doing a soft 'coming out' at work. Maybe asking them to start using 'they' pronouns? I prefer they/he pronouns interchangeably anyway. The problem is it seems like sometimes people get really hung up over they/them pronouns?
I do want to come out at work eventually but right now I'm testing the waters. I've taken the initiative to create an lgbtqia group at work (as a tech company we have alot of like community groups cause reasons lol). I'm hoping this group will allow me to get a better feel for possible reactions to coming out. It will also let all of us queers find each other, I know there are a ton of us at this company but we have been finding each other sorta haphazardly.
  Anyway, tl/dr, people are accidentally using masculine pronouns for me at work and I dont want them to stop or feel uncomfortable but I'm also not ready to come out just yet. Would they/them be a good idea or should i just wait?

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[Maid Marion]

I go by my first name at work.

[Northern Star Girl]

@CallMeV
Terrific post as you are getting braver.
Hmm, great questions... for me they/them pronouns never did work well, I found it was better to just cut to the chase and come-out have my correct new name on record and the correct she/her pronouns used as much as possible.   People are creature of habit and it may time some time for some to adopt to the new pronouns, many times it will be accidental so it is best to not have thin skin when you are addressed incorrectly.

You have to do what is comfortable for you... your decision entirely on your coming out schedule

Please keep us all tuned into your coming out progress, we are your biggest fans and we are always rooting for your success.
Hugs,
Danielle

I recently, 6 mos ago, got a more genderqueer/gender neutral hair cut. This has helped with my dysphoria alot as I identify as a genderqueer trans man. So I wasnt too concerned that my hair cut was still the slightest bit fem instead of like a cis dude's hair cut. But at my latest appointment, I had the stylist adjust the style making it a little shorter in places and I started using less product. I think I've managed to tip things over into a new level of masc gender presentation
Since this last cut, people at work have started 'accidentally' Gendering me correctly. For context, I work at a software helpdesk and we all sit at little mini cubicles. So generally, when speaking with coworkers throughout the day, you only see their head and shoulders. The first few times, I wrote it off as coincidence as I've always gotten those occasional 'sir's if the other person cant see my body. But it's becoming so frequent at work that I cant help but attribute it to my hair. Its been making me really happy on the inside, I may never change my hair again.
  The problem is I dont know how to deal with the aftermath. The other person always seems to be so uncomfortable because they think they have made a mistake. I'm not out yet, so I cant tell them 'it's fine! I prefer it' but I also want them to keep doing it?
I've been thinking of doing a soft 'coming out' at work. Maybe asking them to start using 'they' pronouns? I prefer they/he pronouns interchangeably anyway. The problem is it seems like sometimes people get really hung up over they/them pronouns?
I do want to come out at work eventually but right now I'm testing the waters. I've taken the initiative to create an lgbtqia group at work (as a tech company we have alot of like community groups cause reasons lol). I'm hoping this group will allow me to get a better feel for possible reactions to coming out. It will also let all of us queers find each other, I know there are a ton of us at this company but we have been finding each other sorta haphazardly.
  Anyway, tl/dr, people are accidentally using masculine pronouns for me at work and I dont want them to stop or feel uncomfortable but I'm also not ready to come out just yet. Would they/them be a good idea or should i just wait?

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[CallMeV]

 Well one of the things keeping me from going ahead and coming out at work (other than feeling like I need to get a better feel for my work environment and get a plan worked out) is that while I'm confident about my preferred pronouns, I have no idea about a name.
I have never felt any real attachment to my birth name, it's never felt like me. But at the same time, I still feel like I dont really know who I am yet? So picking a new name has been ridiculously hard. I'm going by Vance in my head right now bc its similar to my birth name but I dont really feel right with that either. Guess I need to get that figured out soon if I want to come out.

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[CallMeV]

Also thanks everyone. This wonderful forum and all you lovely people have been a literal life saver!!!

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