As this is the coming out forum, I'm not sure if this belonged here or in the NB discussions forum. Apologies if I've put it in the wrong place.
I've been in and out for many years. I first came out to my family as TS in about 2003 or so. Recently, in the last two or three years, I went back in the closet with everyone (family, neighbors...everyone).
I'm honestly not sure where my journey is taking me. Or, I should say, I'm not sure how far my journey is taking me. I'm wondering if I'm NB or full-on TS, but I need to discuss this with a therapist.
For me, it would seem to be far easier to come out again as TS, letting people know that I'd made a mistake when I went back in the closet than it would be to come out as NB.
I'll admit, what I'm most afraid of, even more than injury or death, is ridicule. I've never taken it well even if it's happened to me often for various reasons. I guess it just did not happen enough that I ever got used to it.
With my family, I'm not worried about most of them. They'll be understanding. My biggest concern is neighbors. I'm in an area that my husband calls "Upper Midwest Alabama" if that's any clue. I'm in a mostly-accepting state, but the specific area I'm in is rather closed-minded.
I don't know how to do this, especially before I'm able to begin therapy again. I should wait until after therapy, I'm unhappy with my current self and would just like to explore openly. I just have no idea how my neighbors will react if one day they're encountering or seeing a man and the next their seeing a woman.
I hate to put it this way, but my actual life means almost nothing to me. If I'm killed, I'm more than fine with that. If I need to live with more emotional suffering, though...that is a real issue to me. I would also rather not deal with broken windows on my house or car, nor would I like to deal with scratched paint or flat tires on my car. My cats are indoor cats, so I'm not
as worried for them, but I do take one out for adventures in our yard from time to time when the weather is nice. I don't want anything happening to her.
I'm confused and scared right now. I don't know how to handle this.
