Always though it was just a joke

[Anastasia]

What's the difference between a cross dresser and a trans gendered person? About 20 years.

I always thought this was a joke with just a small nugget of truth. Lately, I have been feeling more and more that, maybe, my gender is wrong. I don't have a "woman trapped in a man's body", but more of a woman sharing a man's body with a man, and she is getting annoyed. I find that my background mental self image is more often a woman, or neutral than a man. Today I realized that it was about 20 years ago that I finally realized that I was a cross-dresser. Prior to this, there was no internet to explore and learn from, and this was not discussed in real life, and I had no way to collectively describe my feelings. Corporal Klinger was my only reference at this point.

I find my selection of clothes is more often than not feminine, without actually planning it that way. I have started to double check myself when I leave the house(or bedroom) to make sure I am dressed correctly. When I get to work, I have to remove my ear rings (food prep rule) and now I double check to make sure I don't have a bra on. I have had to remove my bra twice in the parking lot at work.

I have consciously decided to wear feminine clothes and light make up when I go shopping in the past. Lately, I have been half way through my errand list when  realize I am very clearly in women's (or just as accurately, my)clothes and light make-up. It doesn't bother me any more.

Right now, I don't have a strong desire to transition, but it is no longer a no way idea. It is now something that I think I need to find out more about. For the first time, I realize I really need to see a therapist to help me sort a few things out. This is the first time I have clearly stated to myself that transition is now an option I need to explore and consider. I know there is a lot more to consider.

Thanks for letting me mumble to myself. I needed to see some of my thoughts spelled out to myself.

[BirlPower]

Hi Anastasia,

A lot of what you say sounds familiar to me. Your description sounds like some flavour of non-binary. It isn't necessary to identify as fully male or fully female. I crossdress pretty much all the time now. Even in guy mode I'm wearing jeans and t-shirts from the womens rack. My shoes are from the female section and my underwear is panties and tights under my jeans. As soon as I get home I change into a skirt because I find it more physically and emotionally comfortable. I have no strong desire to change my body much (I fantasize about having breasts but it isn't killing me to be without them, forms fill that void presently) but I do hope to someday feel comfortable enough to go out in public dressed.

Full transition may well be for you but it isn't the only option. Good luck with your journey, wherever it takes you.

Hugs

B

[HappyMoni]

The first person I ever talked to on here sent me a PM saying they noticed the same thing I did. It seemed the older we got, the stronger the feelings got. To this day, I don't know why it is that way. Of course, some folks do stay in the cross dressing area because that is more 'them.' Looking back as a fully transitioned woman, I wonder if it would have worked, transitioning at 20 years old. I'll never know.

[Anastasia]

I wonder if the change is not so much the feelings getting stronger but the opinions of others becoming g less important? I do go out cross dressed at times and I am more relaxed because I don't care what others think (as long as they don't hurt me), I'm  not wearing forms or a wig so I am wearing women's clothes as opposed to trying to pass as a woman.

At this point, I wish I had a better idea about where my path was taking me.

[christinej78]

Hi Anastasia,                             19 April 2019

I wish I had only waited 20 years; that would have been 1960. Fast forward 58 more years (2018) and I started my transition. I'm a bit late to the party but not so late that I missed out on the joy of being who and what I have wanted to be since I was 5. It was a long wait and a long road that I had to travel. I am now happier than I ever was during the 77+ years before I began my transition and coming here to Susan's Place, where my life is now filled with Love and Happiness.

Wishing you all the success life has to offer. You owe it to yourself to be happy.

You are in a great place; join in and share your experiences, the good and the not so good. We learn from each other here.

Best Always, Love
Christine