Thank you for describing your experiences! I feel so relieved! My goal is to be socially transitioned by my next appointment in ~11-12 months. I am very aware that's (very) ambitious (my pessimistic side says barely realistic, but I need to exercise my optimism!), but I think I need a bit of pressure to progress. I'm not going to rush things unnecessarily, but I shouldn't be too slow either, and I have waited long enough that I do want to get going with it. If I'm not ready in time, it's not like I need to wait another year, as there are private routes I can avail myself of. Indeed, I might even do so ahead of time, but I don't like the idea of my body having very visible changes before my face fits. I wasn't totally sure GenderCare/GenderGP didn't follow the same pathway, but from what you say,
@Casady, it sounds like they do not, which is more good news.
The full-time requirement seemed weird. I made sure I wasn't misunderstanding, and had her clarify it. There was no specific duration given, though (I'm guessing "I socially transitioned on the train here this morning" probably wouldn't cut it!). It was also recommended, though not mandated, that electro not be started until after hormones take effect (and therefore well after transition) and voice training be started after transition. Seems a little muddled-up to me.
Time to start reading and planning, it seems. I understand I can expect quite a long wait (like, a substantial fraction of that 11-12 months!), so getting it queued up should be done soonish. A budget jaunt to Marbella might be in my future - guess I'd better get a new passport!
I am rather scared of the surgery itself, but the end goal is a significant incentive. Also, the idea of travelling internationally afterwards seems a daunting prospect - how do you get through customs when your face is bandaged up or swollen up and looking unlike your passport photo?
As to presenting as male afterwards, well. It seems a more reasonable prospect to actually make the leap when my face is settled. If I'm not fully male-looking in that time, that's not really a negative. Plus, if there's still a decent amount of electro left to do, I'd wait, though fingers crossed that seems unlikely to me. If I look the part immediately (hah), then hey, I'd probably go for it.
Having a period where I look like an unusually feminine man is not without its appeal, though. My identity definitely lies on the female side, not neutral/enby/fluid, and yet I sort of like the idea of 'cross-dressing' as male.
In my lengthy period of self-examination/realisation, there were thought experiments. Like, what if I start and change my mind, decide I want to be male after all? Pretty much every step seemed acceptable, if not desirable. I think the only MtF change that I thought would be bad for me in the event of a detransition would be having breasts.
With all those thoughts in mind, I kind of want to see what it's like to temporarily be a 'better' sort of male, even if that's definitely not what I want to be in the end.
@Sarah - that seems like a remarkably fast transition! Sounds like it was entirely private, but I didn't expect even that to be able to be done so fast. Depending on how much of my savings are left after FFS (and/or how I feel about a loan), I will definitely consider going private for SRS. I'd rather not spend quite so much, but if it gets me to a better place in life a year or more ahead of the NHS schedule, it could well be worth it. Serious props to you for making the leap at work a mere 5 months after the first decision.
@Casady - from everything I've been told, getting past the initial hurdle and switching presenting female is the big deal. FFS might not be enough alone to be convincing to other people, but it's me I've got to convince first, and the rest will follow. Best of luck with next week!
