Girls Envy

[Alice (nym)]

Don't take this the wrong way... but I was envious that they got to play rounders, hockey, and netball... had I been born in America, versions of those would've been male sports... baseball, hockey, and basketball. I don't think it was so much the sport, but just the desire to have been accepted as one of the girls instead I felt the need to hide who I was at all costs... it created a lot of conflict inside me because I had lots of opportunities to do the things I wanted to do but had to hide.

For example, I love dancing, and as a child I had to go to dance classes with my uncle and auntie who are only a couple of years older than me. But because everyone used to tease my uncle for dancing and called him auntie instead of uncle, I felt that in order to hide who I was, I had to utterly reject dancing. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I went to dance classes and eventually started teaching dance when I was a mature student at university. But I always wanted to be the one wearing the nice outfits and not the one doing the leading. I had a lot of problems trying to learn tango because of that and in the end had to give it up.

[Kate.claire]

But I always wanted to be the one wearing the nice outfits and not the one doing the leading.

OMG THIS    I hated every aspect of the male role in couples dancing, and the narrow box of acceptable moves for a man.

[Julia1996]

Yes there were. But my dad was extremely tolerant with me and I got to do a lot of them. When I was 8 I had pink sheets and a pink bedspread. I put up such a fuss about wanting them my dad gave in and bought them for me. Lol

[Alice (nym)]

Oh I forgot to add Brownies... I really wanted to go to Brownies like my sister when I was young. Eventually I got to go to Cubs but hated it... the boys were far too boisterous, bullying, and annoying.

[big kim]

No not really. I wanted to be a girl but wasn't jealous of their activities. I had few friends & did stuff I could do alone, fishing, cycling model making

[MaryT]

I wished that I could join in just about everything the girls were doing.  I don't think that it was any specific activity, except that I wished that I didn't have to try not to let my parents see me when I tried to make myself pretty.

[RileyWolf]

I am non-binary, however I was quite envious of some of girl's activities, but not others.  I liked sewing and cooking, but I also liked working on the car with my dad.  I got teased and picked on for liking sewing and cooking, and playing with dolls (I had GI Joes and my sister had Barbies, and they reguarly had "get-togethers", lol).  Sadly, I let peer pressure get to me and I began pretending to dislike these things so I wouldn't get picked on so much.  I couldn't get out of cooking (my mother was insistant that I learn this skill) but I got out of learning more sewing, or continuing to play the flute (because, that was too girly and got me picked on too).  In retrospect I wish I'd have told everyone to go **** themselves and continued doing what I enjoyed.  It's taken me a lot of effort to go back and relearn some of these things, sewing in particular.  I now do garment work and quilting in both fabric and leather, and I'm very proud of this!  I also cook like no-one's business!

As I grew older and began puberty, and watched my afab peers changing as well, I grew rather envious of their developments.  I wished I looked more like them, and less like a boy.  I grew especially envious of my sister as she grew older because she was a tomboy and switched back and forth between "boy-mode" and "girl-mode" with seeming ease.  An ability I wished I had.

[Victoria L.]

^Oh gosh, that reminds me! I hate to admit it because I don't think that gender should in any way determine which instrument we play, but I darn well did gender instruments in my mind back in the day. I chose trumpet in beginning band, but instantly wished I could play clarinet or flute instead, as I saw them as girls' instruments. I think it was a large reason that clarinet would eventually be the second instrument I would pick up.

I didn't even think of it when making the first post here, but that most certainly was something I considered for girls that I was jealous of. It just seems silly in hindsight.

[Lisa89125]

Silly or not I can relate. I wanted to be in the band in my elementary school, I ended up playing the clarinet for a short time but always wanted to learn to play the flute.

Lisa

[KarenWinter]

I guess like a lot of people, for me it wasn't the activity as such but the girls and their clothes I envied. I remember desperately wanting to join the girls when they played sports at school, because of the sports kit they wore (short pleated skirt, Polo top). I used to fantasise that I'd come to school without my (boring) sports kit and have to find something in the lost property box, and all they had was girls stuff.

[Finding Lauren]

Wow, I wished I was allowed to be more expressive, more care free about my presentation.  Girls are encouraged to experiment and are complimented.  I watched girls experiment and I thought 'you didn't just do that', or 'how come no one is stopping you?'.  The thought of what it would feel like made me ache, and then they just went on to try something else, just to see how that felt/looked and what compliments were voiced.  They were discovering something deep within their minds and that of their group unfettered it seemed.
We had a weird Aunt Beverly.  One Christmas she got my sister fancy satin/silk panties.  I could have died from jealousy.  I tried to hide my glances.  My sister was only 12, and it seemed inappropriate on one level, but irresistible.  I didn't really notice what she got me.
Oh ya, pretty party dresses.  They would torment me inside.  To go to a girl's party where everyone was in a pretty dress would have been unimaginably wonderful.  I remember being spell bound at times, but aware of needing not to be seen vicariously locked on and lost to the world, by others.


Lauren

[Amoré]

Well there is a couple of things.

An adult thing is baby showers and bachelorette party.
hop scotch. I wanted to do gymnastics but I was told no by my dad.

[Bea1968]

I would have liked ballet or gymnastics.  I would have liked to learn about fixing makeup or my hair, how to be pretty.  More than anything I just wanted to look like them. 


And more than anything I wanted to not have to sit through another conversation about cars, wrestling or sports feeling both alone and ignorant.   Hate that crap.

Bea

[norahjoy]

This might sound strange but I remember wishing I could jump rope with the girls, on the school playground. They just played differently and I liked that.

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[CynthiaAnn]

When I was growing up the girls fashions and their bodies fascinated me, it was a bit overwhelming, like in the 70's when the girls wore high rise tight jeans and certain body parts were noticeable (camel toes). I was seriously envious so much so I had one installed, dreams do come true...

C -

[Lisa89125]

I would have liked ballet or gymnastics.  I would have liked to learn about fixing makeup or my hair, how to be pretty.  More than anything I just wanted to look like them. 


And more than anything I wanted to not have to sit through another conversation about cars, wrestling or sports feeling both alone and ignorant.   Hate that crap.

Bea

Bea, Me too. 

I am still haunted by my obsession with wanting to do ballet and be a professional dancer. A dream I wish could have been mine.

Lisa

[Alice (nym)]

And more than anything I wanted to not have to sit through another conversation about cars, wrestling or sports feeling both alone and ignorant.   Hate that crap.

Bea

100% agree with that... I have zero interest in cars... I learned to follow the local football team just so I had something to fall back on in male company. I don't watch the games, just read the headlines and skim through the articles in the paper, so I have enough information not to betray myself.

[Victoria L.]

100% agree with that... I have zero interest in cars... I learned to follow the local football team just so I had something to fall back on in male company. I don't watch the games, just read the headlines and skim through the articles in the paper, so I have enough information not to betray myself.

My mom is really into sports like football and basketball. I think between that and marching band, I came to kind of appreciate them. But I'm only attached to college sports, and my interest pretty much drops the instant the game is over ("My team lost? Oh well. It's just a sport."). I would never even think of participating in those "fantasy" things that people do.

Cars, though... God. I remember having a group of male friends I'd hang out with sometimes and when we were on the road all they would do is comment on aspects of other people's cars. Beyond the fact that I had no idea what they were talking about half of the time I was just thinking "OMG who cares?!". It's such a boring subject matter.

If a car has air conditioning, runs, and is safe, that's all that matters to me.

[Linde]

And some of us here still like to talk about cars.  Cars and my knowledge about them made me to fit in with the guys, without the need to do the muscular stuff they did.  I could advise them on tuning and similar things.
I never wanted to be a girl, I mostly was one with my body, I wanted to fit in with the guys, and it even worked for a while.

Our path to the final goal of being a woman are all different.  I still can repair most of the stuff on my cars!

[Bea1968]

It's nice to see that I am not alone in how I feel.  Thanks to all with their positive feedback.

Bea