Hello everyone, i am, 28 years old and go by my given name Marce (Mahr Ceh, not marci or marcy), not sure what i am
My life story is boring as i have done nothing with it,
I was born in a strict roman catholic country (paraguay) and family; Almost by a stroke of divine intervention/cruel joke, i was baptised under a girls name in girls clothing (pretty common here for babies to wear dresses apparently, back then)
My nanny as a kid used to dress me as a doll, putting on my sisters dresses when i was very young, pretty much since then have felt more comfortable with girls, and have never had much in common with your average male guys. I used to tell my parents what they wanted to hear instead of what i wanted, ,and thats my biggest life regret.
Tried to pretend to be your average male in high school and college, got depressed, suicidal and dropped out, moved back to Paraguay after, did culinary school, and have been cooking at my own restaurant for a while.
I own and work at my own restaurant, always enjoyed manual labor and doing things with my hands. Be it making jewelry, just random knickknacks or ceramic stuff. I absolutely hate silence, as its basically me and my own thoughts which is basically suicidal thoughts on repeat.
I ride motorcycles as a hobby and as a way to cope with being myself, another one of my coping mechanism is I've just stopped caring in general.
The reason i decided to come to this site was to try to find answers, where i live has basically no help for trans people, be it in the form of psychiatric or therapeutic help, theres also no clinic for trans people, the kind that gives advice or help in HRT programs or anything similar, so i decided to join a forum to try to get peoples experiences and see if its worth just doing it on my own, as i cant actually go to a clinic and see a doctor because there are none where i live.
Im tired of being jealous of every girl i see around, wishing i could have been one of them, so i decided i would try to do something about it, rather than keep being depressed and lonely.
I have chronic mild depression for a very long time.
If you have any questions feel free to ask because i don't know whats interesting to people or what they may wish to know.
