The second (and presumably final) round of my facial feminization surgery is happening in just a few days. For those who haven't been following along, the procedures scheduled are as follows:
Revision rhinoplasty
Revision septoplasty
Lip lift
Neck lift
Fat grafts
My surgeon liked the nose I proposed (created using AI) and feels it's very achievable. Also, a properly done septoplasty should really improve my breathing, which was affected by the previous surgeries. This surgeon will be using donor cartilage to shape my nose and open the passages.
The neck lift is a big deal as it will give my neck and face a more youthful look.
When speaking with him last week, I asked the surgeon not to hold back. I didn't want to be underwhelmed with the results and have him say that he was trying to make the changes subtle. Of course, I want natural results, but I want to see a significant change in my appearance. I'm both excited and worried about these procedures.
I've been going to electrolysis school a couple of days a week and this is going to result in the loss of a couple of weeks of school time. No biggie; I'll finish school when I finish...
Why do this? It's a question I ask myself often. In my case, I want to be able to go out in public as Courtney and have folks believe I'm a woman, rather that a "trans woman" - I want to move freely and safely through the world without drawing attention to myself. I think trans women are beautiful and that they are completely valid, no matter how tall they are, how they dress, what type of voice they have, facial hair, etc. But in my case, I don't have the strength to be seen as someone who wasn't always thought of as a woman. I'm hoping this final stage of my development provides the push I need in order to feel confident when out and about. I do wish I was shorter but I can't do anything about that. There are some areas of the world (and of my country) in which trans people have been fully accepted and integrated into regular society. My area, while not the worst out there, isn't among them.
I do enjoy the size and shape of my breasts but colder weather is coming and I'd like to be able to feel the same confidence in a sweatshirt that I feel in a tank top.
There's a "transbreasttimelines" group in that website whose name begins with a color and ends with "dit," if you know what I mean. In this particular group, contributors are required to provide specifics about their regimen, including dosages, history, age, etc. Lewd photos are not allowed. Every few months or so, I'll post a few update photos of my breasts (never showing my face) or a timeline covering several years and it causes quite a stir. I do get a ton of private messages from "chasers" since it's a public group but I also get questions, encouraging words and a lot of envy. They say that pride is a sin but I have to admit that it feels quite nice to feel like there's something special about my body after decades of feeling it was worthless. This feeling of being exceptional really gives me a boost, but I do feel some heartache for people who are not getting the development they desire.
Oh, in other news:
Tretinoin seems to be improving my face and neck, clearing up some of those melasmas (pigmented areas that we all seem to develop as we age)
I'm starting to notice an overall difference in my bodily proportions, with a slow improvement in hip-to-waist ratio. This makes sense because I feel that particular change to be part of the 4-10 year plan.
