If you are going to read "Sarah's Therapy", then you will need to get a drink of some sort and snack as this is going to be a long story or as someone has mentioned a wall of text, anyway sit back, relax and enjoy.
I like everybody, I suppose had to have therapy for hormones, and surgery letters. I believe according to the standards of care SOC at the time, this is Feb 1989 mind you. To be totally honest, I really knew nothing about SOC. However, I was never asked to get therapy in relation to my hormones.
So I was lucky in this sense I guess why? Well one of the things that happened when I first saw my general practitioner GP, who was going to be my GP for the next 17 years. I presented as a female, with my foam implants in place. One of the questions was have you been on hormones before and I said, "yes", even though I had not.
I was of course given two prescriptions one was for Depo Provera (which took care of the male hormones) and the other was for Premarin (which of course took care of the female hormones). Low and behold I was on my way. Which meant I had no therapy sessions for my hormones.
There was no way around not seeing psychiatrist's and I was going to be visiting them for 2 years per se. The total number of therapy sessions that I had with my psychiatrist's is twenty two approximately. Nineteen, being around the number with my first psychiatrist and three with my second. These numbers are reasonably accurate because I had one session a month with my first psychiatrist and at most 3 with my second psychiatrist.
I attended these sessions for one thing only and that was to get my surgery letters. I was wary of my first psychiatrist although he was fair with his clients. So the amount of information that I ever disclosed was the absolute minimum.
A brief summary of the only things that I can remember with my first psychiatrist, is listed below. Except for the first two visits, which are listed first, the other visits I do not remember in what order they occurred:
- Nervous the first time I saw him. I gave him some basic information about myself.
- I was confident the second time I saw him because I was working full time by this stage and this is why I only had to see him once a month, else it could have been a lot worse by seeing him once every two weeks. He knew I was nervous the first time around.
- He asked me to come out to my family in particular my immediate family, I was not open to this, I was against it and told him why I left my family. However it did not matter as my uncle who knew spilled the beans. So again my instincts of keeping myself private reared its ugly head even in the earlier stages of changing my life around.
- He asked if I was dating any guys, I dated a few guys, but I never went all the way. I do not think if he asked me if I was homosexual or heterosexual. However I said to him, I was not going to get involved with guys because inevitability things would get around to doing the business. I was not going to go down that path and cause myself any problems or headaches because I heard of the problems that other girls got into and grief basically ensued for them.
- One time he asked about early childhood in regards to being or wanting to be a girl, the memory on this very vague. However I mentioned a pile of clothing and wanting to dress up as a girl. He sort of dismissed it in a sense. I did not at the time have a come back on this. This shows I knew nothing about my condition.
- After seeing my second psychiatrist, I will come back to him in a moment, who gave me my first surgery letter, I said to my first psychiatrist, can I please have my surgery letter. I thought at the time that he might refuse and I thought if that was the case then I was going to seek out another psychiatrist, anyway I did not have to travel down that path because he said he was going to write to my surgeon that I was a suitable candidate for GRS.
- The last visit I ever had with him, he asked me, once I had my surgery could I visit him. I guess he wanted to know how I was going post surgery. I never did get around to doing that.
- I did ring him in regards to having my money ready for the surgery, I remember crying because the money had not come through. I suppose now when I look at this particular moment in time. It tells me I wanted the surgery so bad. I did not know what to do. However, lady luck was with me and the loan from the bank came through. Of all the things that I had done up and till this stage I had no problems. The last hurdle paying for the operation nearly got me unstuck, because I had not planned this part very well.
- I did ring his office about 20 years later wondering if he had any records of me, but those records had been destroyed.
The following letter is from my first psychiatrist virtually verbatim to my surgeon, I do not know when this letter was created, it was certainly after May 1990:
Dear Peter
Re Sarah B
Sarah B was referred to me in March 89. She has been seen by Alf and Orsmand, both of whom have written to you. She is a male to female transsexual who is, I believe suitable for gender reassignment surgery.
Regards
Cornelius
A brief summary of the only things that I can remember with my second psychiatrist, is listed below:
- I suppose other than basic introductions and maybe a referral letter from my first psychiatrist. There is nothing out of the ordinary that occurred in this session. The only thing that comes to mind and he must of asked an appropriate question, because I responded with the following, "I know that I'm genetically a male and I know that will never change" or words to that effect and I know that the surgery is irreversible. I guess he knew that I had my head screwed on right.
- The second visit nothing comes to mind and I remember asking are you sure you do not want to see me again. I did insist I guess for another visit and nothing that I know ever came out of the third and final visit with him. I suppose during the second or third visit that he said he would be sending a surgery letter to my surgeon and to my first psychiatrist.
The following letter is from my second psychiatrist virtually verbatim to my first psychiatrist and surgeon, this letter is dated May 1990:
Dear Cornelius
Re Ms Sarah B
I have seen this transsexual several times now, and feel quite the appropriateness of recommending gender reassignment surgery.
She has proved herself as a capable and competent person with a realistic expectation from the operation, and I have little doubt that this will improve the quality of her life.
I would recommend that the operation be done later on this year, since that would closely approximate living permanently in the preferred sexual role.
I hope this will be of some interest and help to you.
Regards
Tony
CC Dr Peter Haertsch
I was so naive, it was not funny, in regards to my therapy, I honestly cannot recall any other issues or in depth discussions that come to mind about my condition, probably I was just living my day to day like any other female and that was all that they saw. I suppose long story short I sailed through my therapy sessions. They were just on my calendar of things that had to be done.
I never had any gender dysphoria whatsoever unless you count wanting or longing as Courtney G mentioned, to be a female. When I got my surgery letters and had my surgery, this fog (for want of a better word) lifted from my mind, obviously giving contentment and peace that I so longed for. I have never seen any 'therapist' since.
I do not know if my hormones calmed those thoughts down or I was so busy, that I did not have time to think about it.
The project that I mentioned earlier on, in one of my more recent posts on Susan's is that I'm writing my history and thoughts on what I have done and using these notes and posts to present maybe to a therapist, that will help me in getting my GRC from England in the future. I did not get my GRC, when I tried ten odd years ago and not getting it then, came back to bite me severely on my backside, when I renewed my English passport just recently.
Just like with my family, "if you have any question then please ask me", I will try and answer them to the best of my ability.
Take care and all the best for your future
Sarah B
