Robby's Journey

[Lori Dee ✅]

I am so happy to read this.

Be sure to let your son know this. The two of you have each other and can work through everything together. Reading this made me smile!

[Pema]

Robby, this is phenomenal news. This is exactly what I mean when I talk about taking steps that open up new opportunities. It's up to us to do it, and you're doing it. This is what that looks like and feels like. You have the power.

[Robbyv213]

Looking for opinions and general thoughts.

As my separation with my wife is getting closer and closer I find myself needing to make choice about where to live next. We have till the end of April with our current rental. We are both hoping to have our own places ready to move into by the mid March or beginning of April.

As of right now moving out of the state is not an opinion due to not having money to move and or having any jobs lined up. That and we will be sharing custody of the pets with verbal agreement during this first year of living apart.

So the question is do I continue to rent or apply for a VA home loan and buy?

Most places where I live rentals are going for 1600-2200 for 3 bed 2-2.5 bath, typical property.

Most homes to buy are on the low end of 250 to stupid ridiculous expensive. Looking at homes bellow 350 the calculated mortgage rate is right around 16-1800.

So do I rent or buy. I can see the pros and cons of both. I know I can buy a home that has a pool and have lower mortgage rate than renting a home that has a pool.

Most rentals are now controlled by major corporations and everything is done through an online portal ( which is what we currently have and dont like)

Renting would be nice depending on how many animals I am taking on I could live more minimalist. But if I have two or more animals I feel I need a house with a yard to rent at the least and unfortunately most have breed restrictions. I like the fact that with renting I know I'll be able to move in a year. Buying I'll be a bit more tied down.

Not that I see my wife being vindictive but if I buy there is a chance she may want to try to stake a claim on half of it...

And again as much as I'd like to move to WA or Co I don't have the means, job or any legitimate plans to make that happen.

[Lori Dee ✅]

The job will impact your ability to buy. As you said, buying will also tie you down for a while, since it takes longer to sell when you want to move.

I like renting because maintenance and yardwork are included. But pets require extra deposits and fees (plus breed and size restrictions). They can be more lenient about the job as long as you can show a reliable income. After you move in, you can change jobs, and no one will notice.

If you remain in-state, consider moving away from cities. That is where the higher prices are. I have found that smaller towns away from the suburbs can be more affordable.

Do some searching online on sites like Zillow to get an idea of what is available and what the prices are. You might spend more money commuting to work and appointments, but that is balanced by the lower mortgage/rental rate.

Good luck!

[Jessica_Rose ✅]

I agree with @Lori Dee , renting is your best option for now. While it is a buyer's market for homes, interest rates are still slowly coming down. In many areas, home sales are dismal. We listed our 'old' house last September. We received an offer within a week or two, but it was contingent upon the buyers selling their existing home. They weren't able to sell, and we relisted the house in early January. Hopefully, the sale will close this Thursday.

Your life is turbulent right now. Renting will buy you some time for things to calm down, and to plan for your future.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Stottie Girl]

I'm a little confused? How could your ex wife try to take half of a new house that you've bought after you were seperated?

I'm in the UK and have just put my house up for sale today. For me, rental is dead money and buying a home would always be preferable if you can afford it. longer term, bricks and mortar (or whatever you guys build your homes out of!) will go up in value and will nearly always be a good investment allowing you to climb the property ladder. Rent just lines a landlords pockets.

But everyones personal circumstances are different so it's not always possible to buy of course.

[Robbyv213]

To be clear. My wife and I are not legally separated by court yet. We are just going to life separately (and most likely file with the court to be legally separated shortly after or during this year apart). I think my wife thinks the year will help me grow, which it definitely will. But I think she thinks it will allow me to explore this and decide not to transition, which will be a new flash when I most likely will use the year apart to go full steam ahead (as much as responsibly possible with everything going on).


Yes I feel as much as I'd like to buy and as tempting it may be to buy. I think renting for the next year is probably the best route for now. I can always decide to buy next year if I still want to.

Unfortunately renting here in az sucks. Basically if you're renting a house everything is on you the renter, except hoa fees (if they apply). The owners in this state won't cover landscaping, or anything extra. And like I said most houses that are being rented out are being done so by big corporations where you never see and or talk to a real human sadly.

The only places I've found that most things are covered are apartments or town house/apartments type communities. While they may cover a little more, I lose the garage and extra space or yard for the dogs, and they are only 1-200 cheaper than trying to rent a house. If I rent a town home type apartment it's hit or miss if they have garages attached or detached. So that means I have to keep y storage unit.

So basically I'm either renting or buying a house even though it's just me. The only things I've noticed is that the townhomes/apartments don't seem to have any animal restrictions as the house rentals do.

[Stottie Girl]

Oh right, that complicates things a bit then. I see your dilemma.

Sounds like in the short term you may need to rent until things settle down.

Renting in the uk normally doesn't come with things like gardening or anything but if they do there are normally hefty service charges. Would it not be cheaper to get a standard rental and pay for gardening services seperately if you need them?

[Pema]

I think if you're serious about leaving the state (Oregon is also great), then I wouldn't buy a place now. That seems likely to tie you down so that then moving is much, much more difficult.

When I moved across the country, the first thing I did was look for jobs in the place I wanted to live. Eventually I got lucky, found a job, and went. 32 years later, I still love it (and had 4 different jobs by the time I retired).

[Lori Dee ✅]

When I moved here from SD, it was a pain trying to drive that far just to look at rentals. I'm retired, so work wasn't an issue. I marked several areas to look at, then drove down. I stayed in a hotel for a week and drove through neighborhoods during the day, at night, and on the weekend to get a feel of what that place was like.

In that process, I discovered several mobile home parks that had potential. I settled on this one (yes, I am trailer trash now) because it is a 55+ community, so mostly quiet. Yard maintenance is my responsibility, and I have a decent-sized backyard. It works, and it is affordable.

But I knew when I moved in that it was just temporary. I needed a local place to give me time to scout the area without needing to drive for 8 hours to get here. Now, I can take my time, learn the area, see what is available, and check the pricing. I don't like living in the city, but this is where the services are: VA, shopping, etc. I would like to be further west, closer to the mountains. I love the desert, but the areas where I will be gold mining are three hours+ away.

Just develop a plan and figure out what you need to figure out, then go from there.

[Robbyv213]

Got my labs back for my next appointment which will be here in the beginning of March. My E and T levels were almost exactly the sameas the were from my last blood work back in July, which I find funny since my dose was increased.

I wonder what my Endo will make of that... I know the reference levels are just that for reference but seems like most doctors will still use it as the end all be all rather than going by what is yielding results in terms of mood, how the patient is physically feeling and handling it, and obviously the desired changes.

Oh well. Time to wait for my appointment and see what they have to say. I'm tired of playing out how the conversation of my next appointment might go. Lol usually even in my head I'm preparing for it to be a battle and that I'll have to advocate for myself once again.

I'm hopeful it won't be as bad as I have made it out to be in my head now that the department head of the VA Endo department is taking over my care due to the previous Dr prescribing a medication that has an ingredient in it that is listed in my medical record as an allergy. So we will see.

[Robbyv213]

For those curious. My labs in July were 136 E, and 21 T. My most recent labs were 136 E and 22 T, even with a 2 mg increase over the previous dose prescribed.

[Lori Dee ✅]

Those are not bad. If I were your Endo (which I am not), I might try to bump up the E just a little and leave the T alone. An increase in E will raise T, but not much.

Most providers focus on symptoms first. If you have symptoms, then they consult the labs and reference levels to find an answer. Usually, they don't chase the numbers if they are close. Everyone's biology is different, so micromanaging a level is not productive, unless it is to relieve symptoms.