Life Of Michelle K

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

I have lost so many things in the snow when shoveling or waiting for the snow to melt.

      Key Fob     Flashlight     Wrench     Glove      Ball Cap   etc, etc.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I once lost a 3/4 carat stone from my wedding ring. My wife noticed it first. I was in a panic, trying to remember all the places I had been that day. I was working as a Service Technician for an alarm company and had been to six or eight service calls.

I got lucky. The stone was in my pants pocket. It had come off when I reached into the pocket. We sold the ring, and I got a plain band of Black Hills gold. No more stones for me.

😀

[Michelle_K]

I wrote about imposter syndrome on my Facebook page. Referring to being left handed and raised right handed.
I also mentioned the gatekeepers who decide if you are left handed enough to join their circle. I have even converted my zippered vests and hooded sweaters so they all have the zipper pull on the left side.

I sometimes wonder if I had imposter syndrome trying to live as a male, even though my birth certificate states male. Never being able to live up to the perceived standards of what a male is. Growing up I saw the magazine tobacco ads with the man in the gentleman's club chair with his pipe and glass of whatever alcoholic drink. I sometimes wonder if my craving for alcohol was to reduce the emotional pain.

Thinking about this, how I went to the VA and got my flu shot, I think I was the only one in line wearing a skirt. It wasn't long and it showed up in MyChart that I had gotten my flu shot. It was explained to me once, that all vaccinations are reported to the state and can be accessed by a doctor.

Michelle

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

  @Michelle_K

Dear Michelle:
What you wrote about "imposter syndrome" does not sound productive
for anyone that is in a "life journey" as you are.
 
I would think that when those thoughts invade your mind that you think, discuss with a close friend or therapist, and meditate.... and clear you mind of those kinds of destructive thoughts. 
I know, I know, it it much easier to say it than to actually accomplish it.

When you had made the commitment to live as a woman then attempt to be the best woman you can be.
  Mind over Matter? ? ?

Thank you sharing your thoughts, Michelle.  I am wishing you happiness and success in
your journey. 
Please keep your updates coming!

                      ❤️
HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
    The Forum Administrator

[Michelle_K]

Watching the narcissism videos, trying to understand what was going on when I was a child. Learning that to the narcissist parent, perfection was not good enough. When there were things to be done, there were two ways to do them, his way and the wrong way. His way yesterday is not his way today.
transphobic ideas can be subtle, My dads remark about me putting on a dress and going into the women's rest room to spy on the women. This after watching a peeping Tom movie, where a guy dresses as a woman to get into a nudest camp.
My dad even made remarks about shooting his own child if they turned out gay. This from a man wearing a badge, who shot his own dog in anger.
Any complaints about pain I had, were countered with being told to quit faking it to get out of doing work. Surprising that is a tactic of a person using a fake injury to get out of doing work. My sister on the other hand gets immediate medical attention.

When chopping holes in ice on the river to water the cows, I had slipped and nearly chopped my toe off. I got a lecture about self mutilation to get out of doing work. No trip to the doctor, just bandage it up so I can get back to work.
Growing up, Work was more important than me seeing a doctor about my back pain. I now have arthritis in my lower back. 40 years ago I was diagnosed with arthritis in my back, I put up with the pain at work. Now I find out it is part of a whole batch of symptoms. And still I hesitate about seeing a doctor.
Michelle   

[Michelle_K]

Maybe I should just ramble. I came across a drawing I made long ago. It is a self portrait of a bearded lady. I know the term is kind of derogatory, but at the time I might have been thinking about the movie of a circus train accident. I remember the bearded lady, as she was called in the movie. Though I think it was just a bearded man in a dress. Sorry, I was taught to be homophobic. Same as I was taught to be transphobic.
I half expect to be called sir even while wearing women's clothes. Yet, I keep hearing the ma'am. It takes a bit to realize they are talking to me. But then while trying to present as male, I would get mistaken for being a woman. I kind of wonder about the janitor in the Walmart men's room. He told me to go use the family rest room. I do wonder if he might have thought I was a female to male transgender person. But then, I was thought to be a woman entering the men's room at a different store.
I wonder if it really happened. All I remember is for some reason I left the public pool. I can't recall for certain that I was told to leave the pool. If that was the case, then I was not told why. but there was a report of nudity at the pool. I can still wonder if I was thought to be a girl being topless in the pool.

From a Charlie Brown video "she calls everyone sir." The drill sargent at boot camp, "Don't call me sir, I work for a living."
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

I've been a bit busy with my Legos.

The red passenger coach on the end has been remodeled.


I still need to add stripes to the doors.
It seems I build up energy when working with the Legos. That gives me more energy for other projects. I even built some vehicles.
Michelle

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

      @Michelle_K

Dear Michelle:
Thank you for sharing more of your work and the pictures of
your "Lego" projects....
... very nice work.
Certainly that kind of indoor work/hobby is perfect for the
winter season, rain, snow, etc.

Please keep you updates on your Blog coming... very enjoyable for me to see.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

[ChrissyRyan]

Happy new year Michelle!


Chrissy

[Michelle_K]

New years, I start the day realizing I forgot. I didn't see the new years celebrations last night. I forgot about the Rose parade. Not a big problem, I should be able to find the parade on you tube.
The calendars have been changed. My food journal is closed, ready to start a new journal. I started the year 1925 with a weight of 168.8 and end the year with a weight 147.9. I had a couple of skirts that just would not stay up after loosing weight, and another that can now be worn without any waist extension. Bras that I had back in 1990s now fit me again.

More zipper parts have arrived, and I have already swapped the zipper of my Harley leather jacket. The zipper pull is now on the left side and feels more natural. This is a leather jacket I bought on Ebay. The tag states women's XL. Checking the fit before changing the way it zipped, in my mirror it looked great, even the sleeves looked to be the proper length. The only problem was the difficulty I had zipping it up, trying to get the bottom together so I could zip it. Rechecking after swapping the zipper pull to the left, it now works fine.
Beginning to wonder if having the zipper on the wrong side for me and having difficulty with my jackets is part of the reason I could not enjoy some things.
Getting lost in thought, I think about the speed controller for the Lego trains, maybe just turn it around so the speed dial is on the left. Now wondering if I could go into the setup for my video games and remap the controller buttons.

I now wonder how much of my gender dysphoria is caused by my being left handed. Men's shirts buttoning the wrong way for me, causing a lot of grief just trying to button the shirt, women's shirts buttoning the proper way for me. Might be why I liked the western shirts, with snaps. Snaps were easier to fasten with the left hand. Just grab and pull to unsnap the shirt.

I do some reading, and there was something about being left handed might increase the possibility of being autistic.
Just something to add today. My cousin the same as me was left handed. She was allowed to be left handed, I was converted to be right handed. My thoughts as a child that girls are allowed to be left handed, boys must be right handed. My brother-in-law, the one who went to collage for psychology, decided I learned to do things left handed from her.
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

I had more to say in my previous post, but I had to cut it short to take care of a few other things. Watching a few fashion videos, I thought it odd that a woman would wear a man's suit jacket like a mini dress, complete with tie. This person even bought glasses with plain lenses to wear as part of her fashion statement. She had a large selection of glasses to wear.

Other videos depending on men's shirt length, would repurpose the man's shirt to be worn as a dress with shoulder straps, completely removing the arms and maybe sewing them onto the bottom.

I had considered tailoring my men's shirts to properly fit me, but decided that I would be better off to take my men's clothes to a second hand store, and pick up some women's clothes. I felt it be more economical to doing it that way. I may have fallen into the trap that demanded women's clothes be left handed. So I had the idea that I needed to make the shirts left handed. As it turns out, my being left handed makes me more comfortable with them being left handed.

I think my biggest problem with right handed clothes was using the urinal. The zipper on my jeans wasn't too bad, but the right handed jockey shorts, enough said. Long ago I considered redoing them to get left handed jockey shorts.

Michelle

[Michelle_K]

Trying to clear up a few things. Literally, my vision. Trying to figure out why my left eye seems to always be blurred. The weird thing is while driving my sight seems to get better while wearing sunglasses. My eye doctor told me I just need to use eye-drops.
 Doing research, finding out a few things. The astigmatism was diagnosed long ago. I know I am light sensitive. Sitting at my computer, I am able to read better with the yellow fishing glasses.
What I learn is light sensitivity is caused by astigmatism and anxiety. The anxiety caused by autism. The light sensitivity is causing eye strain and migraine headaches. The migraine will go away while wearing the yellow glasses. I haven't tried the yellow tinted glasses while driving yet, as I forget to take them with me.
Back in the military, in 1971, in Germany, I got myself glasses with the yellow tint. The sargent didn't like the wearing of sunglasses, but since I had them in my prescription, there wasn't much he could do.

Strange as it might seem, according to the video and web pages, the yellow lenses are blocking the blue light the comes from the LCD screen and diode light bulbs. The anti glare in the prescription glasses would help but I didn't get that as I don't drive at night.
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

Another project done although there is another project with this jacket. I did have some problems with the sewing and had to rip out some of my seams. Down the center of the jacket was some trim that was removed from the left side and sewn to the right side. Had to quickly learn how to sew stretchy polyester to stretchy polyester.  All the snaps were replaced. The stains remain, but it is now a left handed jacket. It did give me some time on the sewing machine building my experience. The other project with this jacket is to make it more form fitting, but it is way down on my priority list.



I think I'm feeling a bit of relief now that I have that part done.
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

I needed some groceries, so I had to drive about 15 miles one way to get what I wanted. As I headed east it wasn't bad. As I made my way through one town I needed to turn at the stoplight. I got a reminder about physics, a vehicle in motion tends to stay in motion. a vehicle tends to travel in a straight line. I hit the curb on the other side doing about 10 mile an hour. My car will lose traction on packed snow.
On the way home on open highway at about 2:15 in the afternoon, I had to slow way down due to the blowing snow. I couldn't even see the lines on the highway. It is very disorienting, and hoping any vehicle behind will also slow down. I saw a vehicle along the side of the road and 15 feet past I had clear highway again.

After getting home:
Something from an old comic book about batman using radar in the batmobile to drive in the fog. Thinking about that later, I think it would not be feasible as the radar would not show exactly where he is on the road. The second being snow, I think would block the radar. The navigation in my car shows a map, but still does not show which lane I am in.

I just got done making more cupcakes. I was thinking that is one way to warm up the kitchen. At the moment, it is showing -5 F outside. The furnace will be running nonstop all night.
While making cupcakes, I thought about how I would help my mother baking cakes, and cookies. No boxed mix, I would measure out each ingredient before putting it into the mixing bowl. These days I am using boxed mix, and using butter instead of vegetable oil.

It kind of confuses me that there were no complaints about me helping in the kitchen. In fact it might have been when I went into the Lutheran school for 7th grade, that the older male teacher pushed gender roles.
Michelle

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

    @Michelle_K

Dear Michelle:
  Take it from me as a self-proclaimed expert that drives regularly and
  safely on snow and ice.

  Speed:  On snow and ice, slower is generally better and safer.  While you need
              momentum to keep on going, your stopping distance and steering ability
              is very much compromised.  Don't follow other cars too closely.
              Watch out for cars that are following you too closely.
              Absolutely no quick moves with steering, braking, and acceleration.


  Vehicle: All wheel drive or 4 wheel drive is an advantage.
            Snow tires, winter tires, or at the very least very good tread on your tires.
            When there is more than 5 or 6 inches of snow on the road, a car or SUV with
            higher clearance is best.
            Make certain that your vehicle is well prepared, good antifreeze, windshield
            washer fluid formulated for lower temperatures, and good wipers.
            In your car have an ice scraper and snow brush. Keep your fuel tank more than half full.
Without all of those things, please drive carefully and slowly, giving lots of space when following
other vehicles.

Please be very careful.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

[Lori Dee ✅]

I also carry my winter emergency kit. I have a bag that has a snowmobile suit, hat, gloves, and a scarf. A first aid kit, waterproof matches, a blanket, and a candle.

The candle will generate enough heat to keep you alive in the car if you can't run the engine for heat. Bundle up and stay warm.

-5F is too cold for me to go out. You ladies, are tougher than I am.

[Michelle_K]

Watching the cat videos, I saw one running off with a stuffed shark. My first thought was it must be a transgender cat.

I sent a message to my VA provider explaining my eye history and dental history, and about the popping of my joints. I'm hoping the information gets put into my records.
I had planned on going to urgent care at the VA, but changed my plans after seeing what the weather was like. I need to get it into my head, that urgent care is like a walk in clinic for medical problems that can't wait for an appointment.

CentraCare has a notification that my semi-annual depression screening is overdue. I think some of the depression score is rated by how much I socialize with others. I don't know if they can understand that I'm handicapped by being hearing impaired most of my life.
Almost seems like I'm running around in circles. I can't get my estrogen due to my depression, and I get depression from the lack of estrogen.
Michelle

[Michelle_K]

It was several decades that I got a special decoder box for my tv. It went between the video player and the tv to show closed captions on my tv. There was one scene in the movie that I could not understand the speech and I didn't know enough sign language. The movie was "Children Of A Lesser God." That scene that gave me a problem was where someone was called a creep. I should get it out and view it again. I think it was the last scene where she is signing and he is saying what she signs. Something about being afraid to love. Afraid she might shrivel up and blow away.

I think I mentioned that someone had said something about me learning sign language, and my dad's immediate response was that I was faking it. I guess he was one that looking at a hearing test showing I was hearing impaired, would still insist I was faking it. At the same time get angry at me for not understanding verbal instructions on how to do something. Of course, if I didn't learn sign language, that meant he would not have to learn sign language to communicate with me.
Michelle

[Maid Marion]

24GHz police radar is affected by rain and fog.
Batman could use a much lower frequency to track other vehicles and non-moving objects.

[Michelle_K]

Just a thought. Kind of wondering if maybe a year ago, the endocrinologist noticed the scars on my wrists and sent me to a psychologist to make sure that my depression was under control enough to receive estrogen. Maybe deciding that I was too depressed to get the estrogen. I was not contacted after the therapy session. At the time I had no way to sign in to Fairview and link them to CentraCare. If the endocrinologist could not access the CentraCare records then she would not know my scars are from surgery to brace my broken wrists. Or that two hospitals connected with CentraCare had diagnosed my gender dysphoria, besides the VA having a diagnosis of gender dysphoria.

Decades ago, I used an imaginary knife to cut my wrists. Like some kind of joke, I fall and end up with both wrists broken, resulting in having scars on my wrists anyway.
Michelle