Rediscovering Pema

[Lori Dee ✅]

I was assigned massively annoying at birth

So that's what AMAB stands for!

🤣

And, no, you are not.

[Sephirah]

So that's what AMAB stands for!

🤣

And, no, you are not.

Well it is technically "Assigned Lauren At Birth." ALAB. Something no parent ever wants to go through

[Lilis]

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies.

@Lilis, please know that when it comes to gender identity, you and I are in full agreement. Gender identity - or any identity for that matter - can only be reliably determined by the individual possessing it.

I can even agree that ultimately the terms "gender" and "gender identity" can be treated as equivalent. My gender is what I say it is; it is my gender identity.

Yay 😊, I'm so glad we're in full agreement on the heart of it.

Sorry for the late reply to this. Having read through it, Lilis and Pema you're saying the same thing.

Blame it on the semantics, lol 😂

However, Lilis is also right, that there's a fundamental difference between the gender you are assigned and the gender you identify with. The difference is the viewer, not the view. When you have never experienced what it feels like to feel disconnected from everything people are trying to force on you... you try to force it on everyone. Just because you think that is how it is.

You are both saying the same thing.

Lauren, thank you for this, it's so beautifully put together and said.

As you so clearly put it, there's a fundamental difference between that externally imposed gender (the viewer's framework) and the internal gender identity (our own deepest sense of self). The David Reimer case is a heartbreaking illustration of exactly that distinction.

To say you are assigned a gender at birth isn't wrong. Because it's what people do who think everyone should behave a certain way. But to say that this is the gender someone is, isn't necessarily correct because not everyone feels that way. Both things happen and that's why trans people exist.

This is awesome and beautiful to see it aligned perfectly, thanks Lauren and Pema for this conversation, love you both ❤️💋

I was assigned massively annoying at birth because I never stopped crying. I hope that isn't true now. Unless you put certain movies in front of me, lol. I still probably am massively annoying

Oh, stop it you're still crying nonstop, hehe! 💋

~ Lilis 🌷

[Pema]

I had my first (face) electrolysis appointment today. It was ostensibly a consultation, but she dived right in. In about 15 minutes, she did an area about the size of a dime (a circular cm) on my chin, just below the right corner of my mouth. I was surprised by how little it hurt compared to laser.

I've scheduled an hour for next week. She recommended weekly sessions, so I guess I'll go for that.

Before going home, I stopped at the food co-op for a few essentials. There, I saw a checker that I've known for many years but haven't seen for at least a year. He greeted me with, "Hi, <old_name>! How are you?" To which I said, "Well, I'm not <old_name> anymore..." After catching him up very quickly, he was super-supportive, said he wasn't terribly surprised and that he himself is polygender. Then he changed my name on my membership. As I left, he said, "Welcome to being you!"

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Congratulations, that's the start of something great for sure. So glad that it was mostly painless too!

Each step towards where you want to be always feels good!

Charlotte 😻

[Pema]

The 2026 Gardening Season has officially begun. This is spinach, 12 varieties sown indoors on my plant table. I've also direct-sown them outside in the garden. We'll see who does better.

🔗 [Link: ibb.co/xS1XVzcT/]

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Hope they all germinate very soon! Always amazing when a little seedling emerges no matter how many times you've seen it. Reminds me I should soon plant some tomato seeds, although must work around me being away.

[Pema]

I'm with you, Charlotte. I've been doing this every year for more than 30 years, and it still feels like a miracle every single time. Same with the bulbs that come up in the spring.

Isn't it a bit early for sowing tomatoes? I think our climates are similar(ish), and I wait until mid-March.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

You can get tomatoes started under light indoors end feb. I'll be growing outside so being bigger when planted out helps as the summer is just so short and easily end up all green! But as I'm away start of march it'll be late march this year. Should be ok.

I'll definitely be growing corn again. My partner didn't know it could be that sweet 🙂

[Dances With Trees]

I'm betting on the directly sewn spinach!

In the interests of full transparency, I always wager on black at the roulette wheel, and the ball always stops on green.

I planted something called 'strawberry spinach 'and it actually tasted like strawberries.

[Pema]

@Charlotte_Ringwood, when do you move your tomato plants outdoors? I can't until May, so if I sow them indoors too early, they're enormous by then. As it is, they're usually 35cm or more and have flower buds.

I gave up on corn. It takes up so much space (and nutrients and water). And I don't have enough direct sun to satisfy it. But I do love homegrown sweet corn.

Anni @Dances With Trees, I'm also betting on the direct-sown. I'll report back. The real question is: Which produces the most? They usually bolt on me pretty quickly.

You taught me something new. I'd never heard of strawberry spinach. It's a native North American plant that's related to spinach. I will have to try that out someday. Was it tangy?

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I make a temporary cold frame with some plastic over it and put them out  April. We've been having such warm winters it's been ok recently. Stuff that should die over winter doesn't these days! This year's been the coldest in a while with that snow.

[Pema]

That's the way! I have a "permanent" cold frame, but it's only about half a meter tall, and by the time April comes, I'm moving trays from the indoor table to the cold frame for a week or so to the garden. It starts to feel a bit overwhelming during that stretch.

I really *want* to move everything up 2 weeks and believe that I can extend the season a bit, but all it would take is a frost in April to render all of my work pointless.

I do think I'll gamble on planting peas earlier this year. I have enough seeds that I could replant if it went sideways.

[Dances With Trees]

It's been at least fifteen years since I planted strawberry spinach. But I do remember enjoying the taste of the flowers and the texture of the leaves. And, as I recall, the plants produced throughout much of the summer.

Back in my gardening days, I planted peas as soon as the snow melted.

But I'm with Charlotte re tomatoes: if I was still growing them, they would already be in seed trays.

[Pema]

Anni, you must have a greenhouse or equivalent. If I sowed my tomatoes now, they'd be at least three feet tall (and falling over) before I could set them in the ground. I wish I had that option.

When I lived in the Midwest, I could literally just poke tomato and pepper seeds in the ground and walk away. They'd grow like mad and produce all summer (and early!). Here in the Pacific Northwet, the Solanaceas require a lot more coaxing. Cherry tomatoes are the best bet - unless you like green tomatoes (from which fantastic salsa can be made). This is lettuce and broccoli and cauliflower country. I always buy seeds with the shortest days-to-maturity possible. We've had years where we said, "Wait... There was no summer," although that's been a while.

But I'll likely gamble and go 2 weeks earlier on most things this year. No guts no glory - as my mom used to say.

[davina61]

Mum planted some cabbage out and put a cover over to stop the pigeons eating them but something as still eaten them, slug or snail I think. Its been mild so no frost to keep them dormant. She grows tomatoes in her green house and gets loads, I need to move the posts for her runner beans as they didnt do well on the bit of ground last year even with loads of farmyard fertilizer.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Oh everything loves cabbages! Pigeons completely destroy the crop. Slugs and such are bad but also cabbage white caterpillars got my kohl rabi last year!

[Dances With Trees]

I love kohlrabi, Charlotte!

And yes, Pema, we have a 12'X40' greenhouse. Without it, we wouldn't be able to grow tomatoes, peppers, most flowers, squash, melons, ad infinitum.

My daughter says she's going to put in a container garden this year since I'm no longer able to till the soil or even provide basic garden maintenance. But I can still hold a watering wand and move sprinklers. And I love puttering about the greenhouse. Fingers crossed.

[ChrissyRyan]

Pema,


Happy Valentine's Day!


Chrissy

[Pema]

Thank you, @ChrissyRyan. Happy Valentine's Day to you, too.