Hi CiaraYou said it beautifully and I must emphasise that before responding to your post, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. You encapsulated what it is like to live as yourself. Your experience certainly reflected what my Christmas holidays were like in '87 and '88, when Sarah began to change her life around. What a wonderful story. I'm sure, without a doubt, that you will remember these couple of days for the rest of your life.
Quote from: Ciara on June 08, 2025, 04:16:31 PMLadies, I must share my day with you.
Until today I have never been outside my house as female. Well.........that all changed today.
Firstly my wife is away so I have had four beautiful days being myself (unfortunately she doesn't know but that's another story). So, I've had the past few days at home beautifully dressed, hair, makeup, nails and toes painted......the works.
Given your avatar picture, I have no doubt others perceive you as a woman or female, which you are. In regards to your wife not knowing, I would suggest reading the following
story. When I dressed up at home, it was never more than an hour or so and my nails and toes were not painted. I remember as clearly as if it was only yesterday sitting in a recliner chair and saying to myself, "this feels right."
Quote from: Ciara on June 08, 2025, 04:16:31 PMI've never had the courage before now to venture outside my house in case someone might clock me and challenge me or worse, laugh at me. Today I put on a nice dress, hair, and light makeup, jumped in the car and took a drive. At first I was very nervous that I might crash the car, someone might notice me, I might meet a police checkpoint etc. I worked through these fears.....firstly I have never crashed a car in nearly 50 years, nobody was noticing me and if they were they didn't care, and if I met the police there is no law in Ireland against wearing a dress, bra and knickers!!
There was nothing stopping me when I went public for the first time. I did not need courage. I was not scared and I held no fear. Strange that is, when I even think or reflect about what I did all those years ago.
I was travelling across Australia and I stopped along the way. I was sitting in a hot spring taking care of the hair on my face. I believe I put some makeup on, but I'm not sure, got dressed, plaited my hair and then continued on with my travels without any hesitation whatsoever.
The second time I ventured out as Sarah, I spent a whole week visiting local attractions, going to dinner in the evenings, watching movies and of course the obligatory shopping spree. The upshot of these two holidays cemented in me, without me really realising it, that I wanted more of it. I wanted to live as Sarah and I wanted to live as a female, well I certainly did that.
The only fear, well not a full blown fear, was that I ensured I did not do anything illegal because I did not want to be discovered, hauled into jail and be exposed.
Quote from: Ciara on June 08, 2025, 04:16:31 PMI drove to the coast. I stopped a few times at scenic spots and got out of the car to take in the view. Nobody noticed. My confidence grew each time I left the car. I arrived at a quiet beach, parked the car and took a walk. I walked the beach and walked in the shallow water. Again, nobody noticed. I think they saw a lady walking the beach and if they thought anything different they did not care. What a beautiful day I had.
I know the feeling of confidence. When I was travelling across Australia, as I have mentioned, I needed to stop every 300km because I needed petrol (gas) for my car. So I was forced to exit my car and get the petrol that I needed. Guess what? Nobody knew so I quickly stopped worrying about if others suspected. I just continued on with my journeys enjoying my holidays as if this was just another day in the life of Sarah.
Quote from: Ciara on June 08, 2025, 04:16:31 PMWhen I first set out, I expected a feeling of excitement or even exhilaration, but no, the whole experience was far deeper than that. Words that come to mind are peace, relief, liberating, self-acknowledgement, acceptance, happiness and many more.
Well, I never experienced those emotions to the extent that you have described. Yes, relief from not being found out, happiness and contentment in what I was doing and certainly not another thought about "it just feels right." To me it just seemed like just another day.
Quote from: Ciara on June 08, 2025, 04:16:31 PMAs the adage says "Today is the first day of the rest of your life". Well life will never be the same again for Ciara after today.
If you have read this far, I apologise for being long winded but I had to write this down so that I can always recall it.
Thank you for reading this. It means a lot to share it.
Hugs,
Ciara.
Well, after those two Christmas holidays, I could not get enough of living as Sarah. Well life was never the same for me either when I changed my life around in February '89. As they say, "a journey begins with one small step." In my case, I never knew where I would end up. Yes, I'm contented, happy, accept who I am and certainly I have peace of mind.
No, you are not long winded and your story does not even approach novella length. It was fascinating because it reminded me of my history or past. I'm sure you will never forget those wonderful days as you truly expressed yourself for who you really are, as I have never forgotten mine. By telling your story it gives courage to others to follow in your footsteps.
Again, it was a pleasure reading your story.
Best Wishes AlwaysSarah BGlobal Moderator@Ciara
