Discovering Jen

[Stottie Girl]

Aw, don't mention it Jen. Everybody has always been so supportive of me on here. It is Susans at it's best really.

[Jen T.]

It turns out that the reason my therapist had to cancel our August appointment was because she was having gallbladder surgery. I guess I'll give her a pass on that one.😄

We did speak last week and I had so much to talk about! It felt so good to not only let it all out, but get real-time ->-bleeped-<-. That (combined with the support from you, Dear Readers) has really helped me push the emotional reset button. I've been feeling so much more positive over the past week. I've resumed those little affirming things that I had given up on, such as underdressing, tinted lip balm, eyelash curling, etc. The biggest of these was shaving my legs for the first time in almost a month. Holy cow, I felt sooo good afterwards. I'm more than a little obsessed with how good my legs feel after a shave, when everything is oh... so... smooth...

Better stop there before I get too excited. 😅😂

Thanks for reading.

Peace, love and happiness,

Jen

[Lori Dee ✅]

I'm glad you found the reason for the cancellation and were able to talk to her. It was probably better that you waited, since talking to her while she was sedated wouldn't have been as fruitful.

🤣

Smooth legs and stockings for the win!

 

[Jen T.]

talking to her while she was sedated wouldn't have been as fruitful.

🤣

I just couldn't resist! 😁

[tammy753]

My therapist does the same thing. She had the gall to cancel my appointment because she was sick. so frustrating!

[Jen T.]

All kidding aside, I really like my therapist a lot. She's so easy to talk to and her style is more like talking to an old friend instead of a "Mental Health Professional". She doesn't censor herself either, which I absolutely love. Not that we spend the whole time swearing like sailors, but neither of us is offended by what Mr. Spock called "colorful metaphors."🖖😁

[Lori Dee ✅]

I had a psychologist like that. It turned out that we had a lot in common. Not just nerdy interests, but we were both born in September (just decades apart). General tastes about hair, makeup, clothing, etc.

She freaked me out once by saying something I was thinking. We were talking about the difference between hormone therapy and surgery and why some people need both.

In my head, I was thinking, "Because hormones won't turn an outie into an innie."

Then she said those exact words. What are the chances of that?

I yelled at her, "Get out of my head, woman!"

We both started laughing. She said it was part of her plan for World Domination, then tapped her fingertips together and did a Muahaha.

[Jessica_Rose ✅]

In my head, I was thinking, "Because hormones won't turn an outie into an innie."

One of our previous members owned and Audi. Her license plate was 'INNIE'.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Petunia]

One of our previous members owned and Audi. Her license plate was 'INNIE'.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Wow. Talking about owning it!

[Jen T.]

I went back to the beginning of this blog and something Ashley said in response to my first post really stood out to me:

You do indeed sound a bit poised to jump off the cliff... I suspect soon you will feel more fear about not jumping... than jumping!

Wow. That just says it all for me right now. I realize that a massive chunk of my fear is that I won't take the leap. That I won't come out and fully become Jen. I mentioned in an earlier post about having a big case of FOMO because the longer I wait, the less time I'll have to live as my true self.

That all feeds into the great conflict: the fear and uncertainty of coming out vs. the fear and longing of not revealing Jen. The latter is starting to win out. I guess "win" isn't the best way to put it; it's that I'm becoming more afraid of one than the other, just like Ashley said. I feel like I'm coming close to a tipping point (or is it a breaking point?) and that fills me with all kinds of emotions that I can't even put words to.

My head and my heart are both spinning.

Thanks for reading.


Peace, love and happiness,

Jen

[Petunia]

I think you summed up what a lot of us are thinking or what a lot of us have been through

[Finally Anna]

That all feeds into the great conflict: the fear and uncertainty of coming out vs. the fear and longing of not revealing Jen.

To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself.
--Kierkegaard

💕

[tgirlamg]

To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself.
--Kierkegaard

💕

Great quote Anna! 💕👩👍

I went back to the beginning of this blog and something Ashley said in response to my first post really stood out to me:

Wow. That just says it all for me right now. I realize that a massive chunk of my fear is that I won't take the leap. That I won't come out and fully become Jen. I mentioned in an earlier post about having a big case of FOMO because the longer I wait, the less time I'll have to live as my true self.

That all feeds into the great conflict: the fear and uncertainty of coming out vs. the fear and longing of not revealing Jen. The latter is starting to win out. I guess "win" isn't the best way to put it; it's that I'm becoming more afraid of one than the other, just like Ashley said. I feel like I'm coming close to a tipping point (or is it a breaking point?) and that fills me with all kinds of emotions that I can't even put words to.

My head and my heart are both spinning.

Thanks for reading.


Peace, love and happiness,

Jen

You will find your way Jen... We all need to work through these things in our own way and at our own speed... The tipping point I often mention is when all the worst fears we can conjure up about how badly the jump off the cliff might go... Are no longer as scary a prospect as hiding any longer...

Onward Brave Sister!

A💕

[Finally Anna]

The tipping point I often mention is when all the worst fears we can conjure up about how badly the jump off the cliff might go... Are no longer as scary a prospect as hiding any longer...

Precisely this.
🥰

[Stottie Girl]

I went back to the beginning of this blog and something Ashley said in response to my first post really stood out to me:

Wow. That just says it all for me right now. I realize that a massive chunk of my fear is that I won't take the leap. That I won't come out and fully become Jen. I mentioned in an earlier post about having a big case of FOMO because the longer I wait, the less time I'll have to live as my true self.

That all feeds into the great conflict: the fear and uncertainty of coming out vs. the fear and longing of not revealing Jen. The latter is starting to win out. I guess "win" isn't the best way to put it; it's that I'm becoming more afraid of one than the other, just like Ashley said. I feel like I'm coming close to a tipping point (or is it a breaking point?) and that fills me with all kinds of emotions that I can't even put words to.

My head and my heart are both spinning.

Thanks for reading.


Peace, love and happiness,

Jen

That's very much how I feel Jen, although I really think I may have past the tipping point. I do not think there is any stopping the transition now. It is just how and when I come out and make the change that I am wrestlng with. I think once I realised the direction I was headed I just felt huge relief and it all just felt right to me, joyous even. I hope you get the same feelings as you progress and come to terms with things.

[Finally Anna]

Invading Jen's blog a bit. Hope it's ok, Jen?

Life is a journey and it is the journey that is life!
Whether you're cis or trans it's the same on a meta-level. There's fears and there's joys, obstacles and reliefs, ups and downs, pains and euphoria.

The only (well, not so small) difference is that when you're trans the fears are much more about how you are perceived. For cis persons it is quite often about how your expression is perceived. That is a bit unfair, since a trans person's expression is really just an expression. But the world around us sometimes has difficulties in separating those things.

Regardless, @Jen T. and @Stottie Girl , I am sending you strength and confidence through the internet.

To all that may wonder: I have not lost my mind and I am quite aware of my own shortcomings and fears about further transitioning but that does not stop me from having a view on things.
💕