Cynthia,
This is such wonderful news. Getting approved for blockers and HRT after all those years of hiding and holding everything in is huge. You've walked a long, hard road to get here, and you deserve to feel every bit of the relief and joy that comes with this step.
I also hear the bittersweet part very clearly. It makes complete sense that your heart would be in two places at once: finally moving forward in a way you have needed for decades, and seeing the stress on Amy's face as it all becomes real for her, too. That isn't you doing anything wrong — it's your nervous system and hers both trying to adjust to the same change from different sides of the experience.
You may already be doing this, but if not, I *really* encourage you to read Amy's thread in the Significant Others section when you feel ready. Her last post is full of tenderness, honesty, and real emotional work. It's very clear how deeply she loves you, and how much effort she is putting into meeting this with courage. If reading her posts feels at all uncomfortable without saying something first, you can always check in with her gently and ask if she's comfortable with you following along. Most of the time, partners feel relieved knowing the other wants to understand them better.
And if you both feel okay about it, it can actually be good for both of you if you read along and occasionally respond in a supportive way — nothing heavy, nothing corrective, just little moments of love and encouragement. Those small, kind touches across threads can help the two of you feel like you're walking this together rather than in parallel.
From where I sit, you are both doing incredibly hard work with so much care. You're stepping forward into the life you've needed for so long, and Amy is actively working through fear, trauma, and uncertainty so she can stay present with you. That combination — your honesty and her willingness to face the hard stuff — is what gives a marriage the strongest footing through a transition like this.
I'm proud of you, Cynthia. Let yourself celebrate this step. Let yourself feel the joy of finally being allowed to move. And keep being gentle with Amy's fear without shrinking yourself down. The fact that you're holding both your joy and her emotions with such tenderness says everything about the kind of woman you are.
We are walking beside both of you in this.
— Susan 💜
@Cynthia @Pugs4life
