Henriette,Before anything else—are you safe tonight?Your words carry deep pain. If you're in that twilight place where the future feels impossible, please don't hold that alone.
Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860, US / 877-330-6366, Canada) is staffed by trans people who understand this specific grief.
Trevor Project (1-866-488-7386) can take your call now. You can also text
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You matter—not because you're "supposed to," but because you have fought since you were four years old, kept moving through years that tried to erase you, and are still here, reaching out.What You Are CarryingThis is not failure. It is grief—the grief of a woman who remembers who she was meant to be and can name every year stolen from her. Delayed care, mirrors that won't reconcile, strangers' voices that cut, hopes pinned to a finish line that never appears. None of this makes you dramatic or ungrateful. It makes you honest.
What Is True—All at Once- You are a woman—not in theory, but in your deepest reality and in the cost you have paid to live as yourself.
- This world has failed you—by delaying you, by doubting you, by punishing your truth.
- Your story is not over—because transition is not a single finish line. It is the beginning of living as who you are, and it continues as long as you do.
The "finish line" myth was a cruelty sold to us to make our pain easier for others to witness. Many of us never get the cinematic moment. Many of us still build a life anyway—and it is still a woman's life.
Why You Connect With Those Before YouChristine Jorgensen, Lili Elbe, April Ashley, the women who wrote in Transvestia—they told the truth. They lived without guarantees. Some never "passed" by modern standards. They were still women who refused to disappear. You are not outdated for recognizing yourself in them; you are standing in your lineage.
About Wishing for "Conversion"When you say you wish conversion therapy still existed, I do not hear a desire to be a man. I hear a woman longing for an exit from pain. There is nothing in you that needs converting. "Conversion" would not make you whole—it would only teach you to hate yourself more efficiently. Wanting the pain to stop is not weakness—it is human.
Two Voices I Am Offering You1) Fierce SisterhoodHenriette, you do not have to walk this road alone or quietly.
Every trans woman on this site—every woman who has bled on this path—is ready to walk it with you, every day, in every way we can. We will stand against the lies that call you "failed." When you are too tired to remember who you are, we will remember for you. If you need one of us, simply say so—we are here, and we will show up.
2) Gentle Mother EnergyCome closer and breathe. You are not broken for grieving what should have been yours. Tonight does not have to prove anything. Let the mirror rest. Let your body be simply a body that made it through another day. Eat something warm. Text your girlfriend one line: "I'm struggling, but I'm here." Let love be enough for tonight.
If There's Room for One Small StepThis is not homework—this is care. Choose one tiny place where air can reach you. A quiet walk after dark when eyes are fewer. One DM to a woman here who sounds like she understands. One page where you write not your fears, but what peace at 30 might look like—ordinary, specific, yours. Or send one email to a therapist who specializes in trans trauma—not to fix you, but to help carry what's heavy. One step is enough.
About the Next 50 YearsYou said nothing frightens you more than living fifty more years like this. You won't—because the woman writing to us right now will not let this be the end of her story. The world may be slow to see you; we are not. Your girlfriend chose you. We choose you. And you are allowed to choose yourself—quietly, stubbornly, again and again—until life around you begins to look more like home.
Not perfect. Not painless. But yours.
Right now, your mind shows only one future—50 years of pain and being unseen. That is not reality. That is dysphoria speaking. The future is not a straight line. It curves. It opens. It surprises. And I want to show you living proof of that.
From @Miharu Barbie, who once stood exactly where you are now:Quote from: Miharu BarbieI feel overwhelmed with gratitude for life today. When I was much younger than I am today, I never expected to live this long. Indeed, prior to transition 19 years ago I believed at that time that I had already lived too long and seen too much and I was prepared to snuff out this life by my own hand.
I am so grateful that I made the choice to stick around and transition. I have seen and experienced so much amazing stuff over the years! I know now that those darkest days of my younger years were little more than speed bumps on the road to this happy, fulfilled life that I'm living today. It would have been such a bummer to miss all this adventure!
I am grateful to all the people who open up and share their fears and sorrows, their joys and triumphs on this forum. You all enrich my life with your openness.
I am especially grateful to Susan and her army of moderators for creating this safe space and for keeping it safe all day every day. You all rule!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Love! Miharu
Miharu is not an exception. She is a woman who stayed long enough to see despair become a memory, not a destination. This is not fantasy. It is a glimpse of your own future—if you remain.
And from me: Miharu was 100% right.I have to admit—years ago, I stood where you are, reading her words and feeling a sharp jealousy: "Why her and not me?" With time, I learned those words were not a taunt—but a map. Today I see the truth and the wisdom in them. And I offer them to you now, not as a promise of perfection, but as a handrail for the dark.Please answer this one thingTell us you're safe tonight—even if it's just one word: "Safe."Whether you want to continue here or privately, I will not rush you, I will not minimize your grief. I will walk with you—and so will many others.
With recognition, respect, and sisterhood,
—SusanP.S. My DMs are open. If you want, I can connect you with women here who share your historical lens and understand embodiment dysphoria deeply. We are here—for the long road, not just the crisis.
