New here: my husband just came out to me as transgender

[Courtney G]

Amy, I think that sharing your perspectives with other "Significant Others" would be of great benefit, both in helping new visitors and possibly in helping you along in your continuing journey.

Years before I joined Susan's and shared my truth, I pored through the threads and posts here, trying to find answers to my questions. It was an invaluable resource. Others will read about your experience as shared here and it will help them in ways we can't measure.

But most of all, I'll echo the sentiment of others: you'll always have support here if/when you need it.

[Pugs4life]

Dear Susan,

I am so relieved to hear that you aren't going anywhere and that I don't have to walk this road alone.  That means so much to me.  I am so honored to be part of this family. 

I will post whenever I need to.  I appreciate you letting me know that it is okay to continue posting on here when I need to.  I am sure there will be things I need help/support with moving forward.  It is so comforting to know that I will find open arms here as I always have.  That means the world to me Susan. 

My hope is to offer support and encouragement to others as I have received.  I hope that my experience and my journey is able to help someone else who arrives here feeling lost and alone. 

I am so touched to be able to be part of this family Susan.  Thank you. 

I plan to stay active on Susan's Place and it is encouraging to know that I don't have to have everything figured out to belong here or to be able to help others.  I will show up while I am still navigating my own transition and be willing to share what I am learning as I go.  I want to be someone who says, "I am still figuring this out too, but you're not alone". 

Happy New Year Susan!

With much love,
Amy

[Pugs4life]

Hi Courtney G,

Thank you so much for your post.  I agree that sharing my perspective with other Significant Others would be a great benefit in helping new people on here and in helping me along in my continuing journey.  Thank you for the encouragement. 

It really is my hope that others will read about my experience and be encouraged. I want to help people the way that I have been helped here. 

Thank you for your continued support.  I truly appreciate it Courtney. 

With love,
Amy

[Susan ✅]

Dear Amy,

Happy New Year to you too! Your message touched my heart deeply.

I missed you during your Christmas break and hope the holidays treated you gently. How are things going? How are you and Cynthia navigating the holiday seasons together?

What you've described - wanting to help others while still navigating your own journey - is exactly how this community works best. Some of the most meaningful support comes from someone who can honestly say "I'm still figuring this out too, but you're not alone." That authenticity resonates in ways that polished advice sometimes can't.

You don't need to have arrived anywhere to belong here. You already belong. And the perspective you're gaining right now, in real time, is valuable precisely because it's fresh and honest.

I'm so glad you're staying active with us. This community is richer for having you in it.

With love,
— Susan 💜

[Pugs4life]

Dear Susan,

I have missed you too and sincerely hope the holidays have treated you gently too.  I find that I am struggling as Cynthia has begun to use feminine products now.  It is a little uncomfortable for me that we are using some of the some products now.  I guess it is because it makes things feel more real and feel like the future is arriving more quickly than I want it to or am ready for.  Cynthia also has an appointment coming up on the 20th for a transitional care consultation.  That has spiked my anxiety.  Cynthia and I have seemed to navigate the holiday seasons together pretty well.  Things definitely feel different for me though. 

I am so thankful that I don't have to have arrived anywhere to belong here and already belong.  You and this community have come to mean so much to me.

Thank you for having me and for everything that you do. 

With much love,
Amy

[Susan ✅]

Dear Amy,

I'm glad the holidays brought some gentleness, and that you and Cynthia navigated them together—that word matters more than you might realize.

What you're describing with the shared products—that's not a small thing, even though it might seem like it should be. It's your bathroom, your daily routine, the small private rituals that have always been yours. When those spaces shift, it touches something intimate. What was abstract becomes tangible and present, and that can make everything feel suddenly loud and unavoidable.

The discomfort you're feeling isn't wrong or something to push past quickly. It's honest. You're allowed to need time to adjust to changes that show up in the everyday details of your life. Your presence and your love for Cynthia don't require you to be comfortable with every change as it happens.

And the consultation on the 20th—of course that spikes anxiety. A date on the calendar makes the future concrete in a way that talking about "someday" never does. Appointments carry a sense of momentum, like a door opening. Even when nothing irreversible happens at that visit, it can feel like crossing a threshold.

I want you to know: a consultation is information-gathering. It's Cynthia learning what options exist and what timelines might look like. You'll still have time, and you'll still have each other to talk through what comes next.

What I notice in your message is that even while you're struggling, you and Cynthia are moving together. That's not nothing—that's everything, actually. Many couples don't manage that.

"Different" doesn't automatically mean "worse"—it means unfamiliar, and unfamiliar takes time. You're not being left behind; you're being brought along, even when the pace feels faster than you'd choose.

You belong here exactly as you are—mid-process, uncertain, working through it in layers. That's not a temporary status until you "figure it out." That's just being human in the middle of something big.

Sending so much love, right back at you!
— Susan 💜

[Pugs4life]

Dear Susan,

It does seem like the shared products should be a small thing.  What you explained makes sense as to why I am struggling with it.  What was abstract has become real and present and it does make everything feel suddenly loud and unavoidable. 

I am glad to know that the discomfort that I am feeling isn't wrong or something that I need to push past quickly. I do need time to adjust to the changes that show up in the everyday details of my life.  Change is so hard for me and lots of things are going to change as we move through this transition.  I am also glad to know that my presence and love for Cynthia do not require me to be comfortable with every change that comes along. 

You are so right-having a date on the calendar makes the future seem so real now in a way that talking about it happening "someday" doesn't.  This upcoming appointment does feel like a door opening and does feel like crossing a threshold.  It makes it feel like things are moving faster than I am comfortable with right now. 

I will try to remember that this appointment is information-gathering and it's Cynthia learning what options there are and what the timelines might look like.  I will tell myself that I will still have time and we will still have each other to talk through what the next steps are.  I am just so anxious about what is next in this journey. 

I am trying to keep moving forward with Cynthia even though I struggle with some things. 

I will remember that "different" means unfamiliar and that unfamiliar takes time.  Thank you for the reminder that I am not being left behind.  It does feel like that sometimes.  I will also remember that I am being brought along on this journey even when the pace feels faster than I would choose. 

Oh Susan, thank you so much for saying that I belong here exactly as I am-mid-process, uncertain, and working through this in layers.  I really need you and this community/family.  I don't know where I would be without you all. 

With much love,
Amy

[Susan ✅]

Dear Amy,

What a gift this letter is—not because it's easy reading, but because it's *honest* reading. You're letting yourself feel all of this without running from it or pretending it away, and that takes real courage.

I want to reflect something back to you: look at what you've just done in this letter. You've taken the things we talked about and made them *yours*. You've translated "the appointment is information-gathering" into "I will still have time and we will still have each other to talk through what comes next." That's not just hearing words—that's integrating them into your own understanding, your own voice. That's the work, Amy. And you're doing it.

You wrote that change is hard for you. I believe you. And I also notice that you're *doing it anyway*. You're not letting the difficulty stop you from showing up—for Cynthia, for yourself, for this process. There's a quiet strength in that, even when it doesn't feel strong from the inside.

About the pace feeling faster than you'd choose: that's such a real thing. Sometimes our partners' timelines and our own adjustment timelines don't sync up neatly. That's not a failure of love or commitment—it's just the nature of two people moving through something together while still being separate selves with separate inner landscapes. You can love Cynthia completely *and* need more time to catch your breath. Both things can be true.

The anxiety about what's next? I understand that so deeply. The unknown is heavy to carry. But here's what I've watched happen over and over in this community: the imagined future is almost always heavier than the actual one. Not because the real changes are small, but because when they arrive, you arrive with them. You meet each moment *as* that moment, not as every possible moment stacked on top of it.

You said you don't know where you'd be without us. Amy, that works both ways. Communities like this one are made richer by people who show up honestly in the middle of hard things. You're not just receiving here—you're contributing, even now, just by being real about what this is like.

You belong here. You are exactly where you need to be. And you are not and never will be alone, you have Cynthia, and you have everyone here at the site! And, we have all got your back!

With love right back at you,
Susan 💜

[Pugs4life]

Dear Susan,

I am trying really hard to let myself feel everything without running from it or pretending it away.  It doesn't feel like courage so thank you for pointing that out. 

I didn't realize that I had taken the things we talked about and made them my own.  It is reassuring to know that I am doing the work that is needed. 

You are right-even though change is really hard for me, I am "doing it anyways".  I haven't let it stop me from showing up.  Thank you for noticing that.  It doesn't feel strong from the inside right now so I appreciate you saying that there is a quiet strength in "doing it anyways" and still showing up. 

I really needed to know that sometimes our partner's timelines and our own adjustment timelines don't always sync up.  And that it is okay for this to happen.  I am really glad that I can love Cynthia completely and also need more time to catch my breath.  Both of these things can be true at the same time. 

The unknown is scary and is very heavy to carry.  Thank you for sharing with me what you have seen happen over and over in this community-that the imagined future is heavier than the actual one.  It is reassuring to know that when the changes arrive, I will arrive with them.  I will have time to adjust to each change as it comes, right? 

I truly don't know where I would be without you all.  I didn't see that that works both ways.  I feel like I am just receiving here, not contributing yet.  I am so glad to know that by being real about what this is like, I can contribute something.  This community has been such a safe space for me to be able to show up honestly in the middle of something hard.  I am so grateful for that. 

Thank you for having me here and for being there for me.  I am so thankful that I am not alone in this.  I really appreciate you and everyone here in this community.  It is truly an honor to be able to be part of this family. 

With much love,
Amy

[Lori Dee ✅]

Amy,

Your story is just as important as Cynthia's or mine, or anyone else's. Over time, thousands of spouses or partners just like you will come here looking for answers. They will wonder how they can get through this. They will wonder if their feelings are normal or if they are just weird. Your story shows them they are not alone. Your story shows them the path they can follow. Some will understand right away, others will struggle. But your contribution here shows them that it can be done.

Others who have posted their stories tell the same thing, only from different perspectives. We all take the same journey, even though each one is unique to us because of our circumstances, personality, and goals. That is why this place exists. We are here telling our stories so that others on similar paths can find their way, know they are not alone, and see the results of what real people have accomplished.

Never worry that you are receiving more than you gain. That isn't true. Your conversations, your questions, and your realizations all contribute in ways that we may not know for many years. You are a valuable member here, and we cherish every post you make.

Thank you.