Every person has their own experience; I'll share mine as related to speed of transition.
I had my ears pierced in 2022, thinking I could be trans. Had I been more aware of myself, I would have said probably trans.
I fully transitioned this past month.
I'm a science person and if I graphed this, it would look like acceleration, like climate temperatures over the past 170 years. So slow, then slightly faster, then OMG THIS IS HAPPENING NOW!!!
All my "choices" felt like a battle between who I was vs how society and loved ones perceived me.
The biggest roadblock was my wife - and my fears about our marriage.
Anyway, you've heard this all before. Glacially slow transition from 2022 to fall of 2025. I knew my presentation had changed a lot but others were less sure. This helped me feel safe but also frustrated me at times. I had built a dam and the gates allowed a trickle of transition to pass through. It was enough for a long time.
The dam cracked in late 2025. I stopped denying I was trans, to myself. I knew who I was and what I NEEDED, not wanted. I tried to keep the brakes on, fearing for my marriage. At night I dreamed of advancing my presentation, and in the morning I watered it down for my wife.
I couldn't hold it back 🥹. The choice became a compulsion. I've experienced negative and addictive compulsions and this was not that.
The real me was desperate to be seen and also terrified.
At some point I realized I had to be me. I could no more stay Nate than I could become a D&D character. We don't choose our identities.
I realized something that I hated. Something I didn't share, to anyone. It angered and saddened me. I was torn apart inside and wanted to scream!
I could no longer pretend to be someone that I'm not. Not even for my beloved wife of 23 years.
I fought that at times, trying to go slowly for her. But OMG the skirts at the back of my closet whispered their delights. Dammit!
Then dam broke!!! I started taking my most feminine things in the car with me when I went to the Genderquest meeting and changing in the car.
It was scary but OH! It felt so right!
By then I had an Amazon wish list full of items I wanted. Maybe needed. Male clothes felt disgusting. My body parts seemed wrong. I read stories of people in Susan's Place, in biographies, in local meetings. I needed what they had.
It kept accelerating. Going fully femme to work was scary yet right. Within a month I was doing so regularly. Then came a meeting of 400 coworkers. Then I was on TV.
I had never felt so alive. The sky seemed brighter and the trees greener. I knew I could not stop. I was on a freight train.
In the midst of this my wife and I talked and she affirmed and supported my transition. This launched me even faster. I was deeply grateful.
What helped her was a YouTube channel about Shay and Amanda, a cis couple that became a trans and cis couple. I think she saw me. Saw us. Saw love.
My love for my wife never faltered. My urge to be who she wanted me to be was powerful. But I HAD to be me!
Now I am. There was no choice for me.
