Quote from: CynthiaR on Yesterday at 10:17:07 PMSo, I find myself struggling with the question of transitioning and passing. Is it worth transitioning if I'm never able to pass? What would be the point if I can't pass? Could it make my dysphoria feel even worse should I fail? What do I do to manage the pain if I don't transition?
Now, for a little personal info. I'm currently 50, married, and recently disclosed my transgender status to my wife (Pugs4life). I've spent almost my entire life trying to deny what I really knew to be true, and dealing with imposter syndrome. I have a therapist I've been working with that's allowed me to understand that I am trans. Unfortunately, I can't put the genie back in the bottle.
Here's the hard part, I'm what you might call an industrial sized individual. I'm 6'2", around 250lbs and carry it well. I've set a goal to get my weight down to near 160, and that's going to take some time to do. Meanwhile, I have a follow-up appointment, in about 2 weeks, to hopefully start MTF HRT. I've spent the day, today, questioning if I can pull this off. Just thinking about not transitioning, I can feel the darkness of depression trying to close in.
Any advice or just sharing your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
This is a topic that comes up fairly often here on the forums. And it is usually people who are in the early stages of transitioning.
You have an image in your head of what a woman should look like, and you are thinking, "I'll never pass". That is false thinking. What it represents is that you are trying to be a woman, that woman, the image you have in your head, instead of being yourself. For years, if not decades, you have struggled in "male mode" and were miserable because you were not being yourself. Stop trying to be something you are not, and just be you.
When you start just being yourself and accepting yourself, you will find that others will accept you too. It isn't about looks! Feminine traits include walking, talking, hair, clothing, jewelry, fashion, and style. I cringe when I see a transwoman overdo it. It isn't necessary.
All women worry about their appearance. They all want to lose weight, have bigger boobs, change their hair color/style, and try something new. You are no different. But your goals must be realistic. At 6'2", do you really need to be 160 lbs? I'm 5'11" and 200. My sister-in-law was 6'1" and 235, and she looked great because she knew how to dress accordingly.
The purpose of HRT is twofold. First, it affects you mentally. It is very subtle at first, but eventually you will notice that you are more emotional and you do things slightly differently. The other purpose is the physical changes that we want. These take time, so you must be patient and trust the process. Estrogen redistributes body fat, so muscles become less defined, facial features soften, hips may widen a bit, and breast growth occurs.
All of these things affect your appearance. Should you give up before you have even started? The changes will surprise you. My brother used to tell me I looked like Grandpa. My cousin now tells me I look more like my mother than my father. The changes happened. They just took time.
While you are waiting for all of that to happen, start working on the things you can do now. Sign up for voice lessons, make-up tutorials, or just go to a busy shopping mall and people-watch. Look at the women. Look at their height, weight, and how they dress. Look at their make-up, hair, and clothing. Your goal should not be to look like a supermodel. The goal is to blend in so that you look just like any other woman out shopping. Do a Google search of celebrities over 6' tall. You will be surprised.
I am 68 years old. I don't want to look like a 25-year-old. I am content with looking like a nice old lady. I get misgendered on the phone a lot, but rarely in person anymore. I don't wear a lot of makeup or jewelry; I just live my life as me.
If you want to see my transformation, I did a "Progression" photo album to show how my look changed over the years. My profile pic is from 2023.
The Story of Lori Progression Photos 🔗 [Link: imgur.com/a/progression-story-of-lori-photo-journey-AEZXBWe/]Be patient with yourself, and you will be just fine. Trust me.
