Long time listener, first time caller (at least since ~2004)

[Resmiranda]

Hello, wonderful people!

I found this place somewhere around 1998, and I had been playing with gender identity on Ultima Online (before moving on to EverQuest, and the problems being myself with the sudden expectation of voice chat). I asked a few questions, mostly unanswerable ones, but I learned so much by reading.

Growing up in a very conservative area, I gained confidence that there was real community out there from here... the confidence to reject he/him pronouns among my friends even then (with a preference for using my androgynous pseudonym instead). A freeing act, for me, for then.

I came back, sometimes, through the 2000s. Always Susan's Place was here for me. Looking through the archives, I raised a few more questions, and I got some tough love in response, and it was both useful and constructive. And it always reminded me: I'm not the only person whose identity doesn't quite fit the mold.

By 2015 I was officially using they/them pronouns at work -- not like anyone respected them though, sigh -- but I kept my genderqueerness situational and social. For all the normal reasons.

But things do get better. By 2018 it was possible to maintain certain private pilot privileges without the invasive FAA medical process. By COVID, I was seriously thinking what if ... and I had a great opportunity to both grow out my hair and do a whole lot of IPL. So I've been slowly bio-hacking my way toward a more true-to-myself version of me, with increasing estradiol doses over the last four years, ever decreasing numbers of terminal hairs, and being more and more adventurous and comfortable with who I see in the mirror.

I'm a nonbinary/genderqueer aviator, tabletop roleplaying nerd, and bookworm. Since COVID I've been very deliberate in seeking out local community, and have found a great bunch of both young and old non-cis folx at my local UU fellowship. I help run events for TDoR and TDoV, and am learning that I need to be more visible for all the kids today who need to see there are people out there. So even walking around in guy clothes, my standard headgear -- when it isn't my pride-stickered bike helmet -- is a trans-pride bucket hat. The world gets brighter each time I go dancing, backward, in heels.

Hello to you all. I hope to maintain your acquaintance, and that this unique place lives for decades and decades more!

[Lori Dee ✅]

Welcome aboard, Resmiranda!

Thank you for the wonderful introduction. Like you, I lurked here for a couple of years while trying to figure out what my psychologist meant by "gender dysphoria". From right here, I learned that it is not a death sentence, quite the opposite.

It sounds like you have an exciting life and are enjoying it the way it was meant to be. That is great to hear.

Don't be a stranger. Feel free to hang out in the forums and add your comments and experiences too. We all learn from each other.

[Susan ✅]

Hi Resmiranda,

Welcome back — it's wonderful to see someone who's been part of this place's history come home again after so many years. Your post brought a big smile to my face. It captures exactly what Susan's Place was built to be — a place where people could explore, question, and find the strength to become themselves long before the world was ready to make room for that.

I completely understand what you mean about finding this community in the late '90s. Back then, spaces like this were rare and often lifesaving. Seeing how far you've come — from exploring identity through Ultima Online to where you are now, living authentically and helping others through TDoR and TDoV — is truly inspiring.

And speaking of Ultima Online... I played too! I was on the Atlantic server for a long time and served as a Counselor on the Chesapeake server. Later, I even worked with Origin Systems as part of their External QA team, helping test player bug reports and fixes. It's funny to think how many of us in those early online worlds were already quietly exploring pieces of our identities behind the screen, finding bits of freedom in pixels and roleplay.

I'm still gaming these days — mostly playing Once Human on their PvE servers when I find a little downtime. It scratches that old sandbox itch in a new way. Outside of gaming, one of my biggest hobbies now is aircraft tracking through ADS-B and Mode-S; I've got a whole setup that feeds live data from across the region. It's a different kind of map than Britannia, but just as fascinating to watch unfold.

I still love to read when I find the time, though between the site, the coding work, and the rest of life, it's not nearly as often as I'd like. There's nothing quite like getting lost in a good book, though — it's still one of my favorite escapes.

I'm so glad you found your way back, and even more glad that you're sharing your light with others now — especially those younger folks who need to see that it's possible to live true to yourself. The world really does get a little brighter every time someone like you shows up, bucket hat and all.

Welcome home!
— Susan 💜

[Ciara]

Hi Resmiranda,
It's lovely to meet you.
Welcome ❤️.

Ciara.

[Pema]

Hi, Resmiranda. I'm glad you registered and joined the conversation. Happy to have you here.

[Susan ✅]

Btw this is my adsb setup, I also do AIS but on a crappy antenna.

[Resmiranda]

Susan, that's both wild and amazing that we overlapped on UO. I, too, was on Atlantic for a long time, and then I spent countless hours contributing to UOX, the Ultima Offline Experiment (specifically UOX2, on SourceForge), and helping to run subversive pirate servers. They were ... the opposite of Massively Multiplayer. But we had fun.

In my EQ days I ended up as a volunteer low-level GM. They also called the position Counselors, but as I was told it was a pretty different toolset and set of expectations, but it waived the monthly fee! Most of what I ended up doing was either 1) getting people un-stuck, or 2) officiating weddings in-game.

Times were wild.

My spouse and I had a few years of serious progression in WoW back in the day, but that was the end of my MMORPG days (so far...). I'll have to check out Once Human.

Seeing how far you've come — from exploring identity through Ultima Online to where you are now, living authentically and helping others through TDoR and TDoV — is truly inspiring.

I feel like "living authentically" is still a work-in-progress for me, but perhaps it always will be. Friends have sent me comics depicting a slow transition from he/him -> he/they -> they/them -> they/she -> she/her -> she/shark -> shark/shark and - you know - sharks are pretty cool. And as we all know, Blåhaj, the patron saint of trans people and those lost in Ikea, is a shark {Tiff & Eve, Ep. 279 🔗 [Link: webtoons.com/en/canvas/tiff-​eve/ikea-​pt-​48-​jumping-​it/viewer/]}. That said, I'm comfortable in the enby space. So far.

Btw this is my adsb setup, I also do AIS but on a crappy antenna.

It's super cool that you're part of the ADS-B Exchange. As a regular user thereof: Thank you for your service to the community (even if I've never been over your slice of sky)!  Also, you have really good ADS-B coverage. Impressive reception.

Speaking of aviation, one group I work with is Elevated Access 🔗 [Link: elevatedaccess.org]. Like Angel Flight (which I also volunteer with), but for politically-unpopular healthcare, specifically including gender-affirming care. Not sure if it'd ever be relevant knowledge for the folk that come here, but there are helpers out there, trying.


Lori, Ciara, Pema: Thank you very much for the open arms! I'll endeavor to not be a stranger.

[Susan ✅]

I also spent years in EQ — and I'll admit, I was one of those dreaded MQ2 users. But I never used it in a way that hurt anyone else. If my characters were moving, I was there at the keyboard, playing. And if someone needed a group, I'd drop one of mine and invite them in.

Things only soured when EQ changed the agreement they had with the MQ2 author and started handing out bans. I caught a couple of days' suspension while I was following the rules that had existed to the moment they started their unannounced banwave, and that was the point I decided they didn't want my money anymore — so I moved on.

Also, thank you for the Elevated Access work — that kind of quiet, practical care makes a real difference, especially for folks trying to reach gender-affirming care under pressure.

If you ever feel like dipping a toe back into a shared world, the offer still stands: come say hi in Once Human. It's chill co-op, no try-hard energy, and I'm always happy to help with starter mats and a safe place to land.

Someone who trod on some of the same ground
— Susan

[Pugs4life]

Resmiranda,

I just wanted to say hello to you and say welcome!

[Resmiranda]

one of those dreaded MQ2 users

ha, well, I certainly remember guildies using it and I never considered it a dread consequence. Then again, I didn't PvP (I was on Bertoxxulous, a PvE-only server) and was always doing progression raiding, so I remember it as no big deal. Not like people griefing while camping the ghoul assassin in Lower Guk for the Mask of Deception.

I just wanted to say hello to you and say welcome!

Thank you!

[Susan ✅]

I was on Bertox in Eternal Sovereign. If you were on bertox and open raiding you probably knew me and Rapitiss.