I always enjoy your questions like this, Asche. You make me think, and that helps me understand other points of view.
I agree that we don't seem to see enough of our trans-brothers on the forums, but I believe there is a reason for that, and some of them you have touched upon.
At the risk of sounding too stereotypical and suggesting a firm binary framework, the fact is that society does impose such expectations. I believe that all transgender and some intersex people express themselves within those societal expectations. The result appears as transfeminine people like myself, expressing femininity in the ways that society expects femininity to look like (appearance, clothing, speech, etc.) The same applies to our transmasculine brothers. They are expressing their masculinity in ways that conform to societal expectations.
Growing up, I noticed right away that girls hang out together and chat, and enjoy doing that. While at the same time, the boys were busy playing sports, working out, and doing "guy" things. I think that is what we are seeing. I don't believe it is a conscious effort to behave that way; we are subconsciously just trying to fit in, whatever that means.
If we stretch the cliche even further, as you said, "non-M2F" don't need support = "real men don't ask for directions", "real men don't need instructions", "real men don't talk about their feelings", etc. I know that this is taking it to the extreme, but that is how many of us were raised. So it is unsurprising that those who are transitioning toward masculinity would adopt these as their own mantras.
This also creates much of the dysphoria that we feel when we first start. Many members here have said that they worry about "passing". Their concern is actually if they can learn all of the "necessary" behaviors and make the changes to their appearance that are acceptable within societal guidelines. They struggle with this, and each of us recognizes that struggle because we have been there ourselves.
But then, when we step back and look at people who transitioned before us, we find that they have accepted themselves and just go about their lives doing what they enjoy without a lot of attention focused on what society thinks. Our interests did not change. We have many members here who continue to enjoy what were typically "guy things" from wrenching on cars, auto racing, motorcycling, and even a gold miner.
I suspect that if we could hear from just as many F2Ms, they would tell us that they still have interests that might be considered "girly".
So, it could be that what we are seeing is a bunch of women enjoying chatting with each other, and the guys are just being guys doing their thing. You are correct that that would show up as higher numbers of M2Fs in chat rooms and on the forums. I can see where our non-binary friends might feel out of place or underrepresented in such spaces. We want them to feel welcome here and know that we are allies, but I can see that it is hard to chat if there is no one to chat with, too.
That makes my heart ache because we don't want them to feel alone. The fact that they do not fit the mold is exactly what makes them so valuable. I have learned so much from you, and learning about the non-binary experience teaches us all. If we can learn from that, the world would become a much better place.
