What does it feel like taking HRT for the first time?

[katiebee]

As someone who hasn't transitioned, but has always wished circumstance made it easier, I've always wondered what it feels like. Did you have an almost immediate reaction to your body's chemistry change, or was it pretty non-eventful and more of an imperceptibly gradual "look back in a year and realize how different I feel now" thing? Is starting more of an emotional/spiritualish experience than a physical one?

[Pema]

It's funny how I always feel unqualified to answer these questions, because I seem to fall outside the range of most common experiences. But since I'm only in the sixth week of HRT, I'll still give my personal response.

As with most things, I think everybody's experience is unique. That said, I suspect few will say that they felt an immediate reaction other than the euphoria of finally starting down the path where they belong. And that is a significant and powerful part of the journey.

Since I began at half of the low-dose protocol for estradiol and a quarter of the LDP for spironolactone, I can easily say that I've felt no chemical effects yet - which is exactly what we want. My body is absurdly sensitive to all kinds of things, including medications, so we wanted to be sure that I didn't experience any negative effects (too-low blood pressure, allergic reactions, etc.) If all goes well, I'll finally reach the low dosage next month.

So, I'm the wrong person to ask, but this has been my experience so far. Given my super-gradual approach, I suspect the onset to be nearly imperceptible.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I agree with Pema that the initial euphoria was more of "Finally, it begins!"

My Psychologist warned me to pay close attention to my mood. Any sign of depression, or even a feeling of "something's not right," would be a sign that this is the wrong path. I didn't notice anything right away, but somewhere around 3 - 5 days in, I noticed that I felt happy. Not really euphoric but just happier than I had been in a very long time.

It struck me at that time that I had not been a happy person my entire life. Sure, I had happy moments, but overall, I was not a happy person. (Details in The Story of Lori, linked below).

By the ned of my first 30-day trial period, I knew this was the right choice for me. My next follow-up was at 90 days, and I told my healthcare team that there was no turning back. I felt great! There were no physical signs until around 6 months in.

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

  @katiebee
Dear Katiebee:
Regarding your future progress and timeline when you finally start your MTF HRT...
...here are some of my thoughts as it might relate to what you may expect.

As has been stated over and over here on the Forum... and by me in many of my comments on
various posts here, HRT will work uniquely in your own unique body.

What you read about other transitioning members experiences with HRT most likely will not be
identical to your own experiences.
Some will experience more significant changes more quickly and then some will experience less
significant changes more slowly... it is all up to your genes and how your body reacts to
the HRT. 
Your doctor will  undoubtedly be looking at your frequent blood test results during your
journey to determine if any alterations in the HRT regimen are needed.

The adage that you have probably already heard regarding HRT and how it may work for various
individuals is "YMMV"  meaning that Your Mileage May Vary.
 
PATIENCE is definitely required, usually not much happens very quickly with HRT, but changes
will happen. 
Do some reading of some of our other transitioners posted HRT experiences...  they can give
you a rough idea of what you MIGHT expect.

In my own experience, breast changes started coming slowly at the 3 to 5 month time frame and
then after 6 to 9 months the changes started arriving more quickly and became more apparent...
... breast enlargement, nipple and areola size and most definitely breast tenderness, so try to not
accidentally bump them inadvertently when carrying boxes or on a door frame when walking into a room. 

At the 9 to 12 month time frame you may need to start thinking about some kind of a bra to help
minimize discomfort during activities such a running, jogging and other exercise routines.
At that point in your HRT journey, trying to hide them or to appear stealth can become a challenge,
however clothing choices may help with that, especially in the winter time when heavier fabrics,
coats and sweatshirts are worn.
will
Other changes that perhaps will come along in the first year might be loss of male libido, body and urine
odor changes, and a softening of your skin... and for some, a softer and more expressive mental
attitude which may include crying and weeping at things that may surprise you.  Likewise,
changes in the proportions of your waist, hips, butt, and thighs may make necessary changes in
the sizes, choices and fit of your clothing.

Because of my prior mention of YMMV, please notice the ample use of words like "might" "maybe" 
"may" and "perhaps."

Without a doubt this can be very "EXCITING and SCARY all at the same time." Continue
to hang on for an amazing ride. 
Some of my best and most appreciated body changes happened in year #2.

We are here to rejoice with you in the good times and to support you in the not so good times.
One more time.... PATIENCE is required.  The attitude of many people today is "I want it all
and I want it now" ... that will not apply to HRT.

Hugs and well wishes... I will eagerly be looking for your updates as you
feel free to share them.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

As someone who hasn't transitioned, but has always wished circumstance made it easier, I've always wondered what it feels like. Did you have an almost immediate reaction to your body's chemistry change, or was it pretty non-eventful and more of an imperceptibly gradual "look back in a year and realize how different I feel now" thing? Is starting more of an emotional/spiritualish experience than a physical one?

[KathyLauren]

It is unlikely that your first experience of HRT will produce any physical sensation.  My main feeling was joy that I was finally setting out on this journey.

The physical sensations came later, when I had noticeable breast growth.  I remember walking the dog one day and thinking, "Hey, those girls jiggle!"  Next shopping trip into town, I got my first bra.  🙂

[katiebee]

  @katiebee
Dear Katiebee:
Regarding your future progress and timeline when you finally start your MTF HRT...
...here are some of my thoughts as it might relate to what you may expect.

As has been stated over and over here on the Forum... and by me in many of my comments on
various posts here, HRT will work uniquely in your own unique body.

What you read about other transitioning members experiences with HRT most likely will not be
identical to your own experiences.
Some will experience more significant changes more quickly and then some will experience less
significant changes more slowly... it is all up to your genes and how your body reacts to
the HRT. 
Your doctor will  undoubtedly be looking at your frequent blood test results during your
journey to determine if any alterations in the HRT regimen are needed.

The adage that you have probably already heard regarding HRT and how it may work for various
individuals is "YMMV"  meaning that Your Mileage May Vary.
 
PATIENCE is definitely required, usually not much happens very quickly with HRT, but changes
will happen. 
Do some reading of some of our other transitioners posted HRT experiences...  they can give
you a rough idea of what you MIGHT expect.

In my own experience, breast changes started coming slowly at the 3 to 5 month time frame and
then after 6 to 9 months the changes started arriving more quickly and became more apparent...
... breast enlargement, nipple and areola size and most definitely breast tenderness, so try to not
accidentally bump them inadvertently when carrying boxes or on a door frame when walking into a room. 

At the 9 to 12 month time frame you may need to start thinking about some kind of a bra to help
minimize discomfort during activities such a running, jogging and other exercise routines.
At that point in your HRT journey, trying to hide them or to appear stealth can become a challenge,
however clothing choices may help with that, especially in the winter time when heavier fabrics,
coats and sweatshirts are worn.
will
Other changes that perhaps will come along in the first year might be loss of male libido, body and urine
odor changes, and a softening of your skin... and for some, a softer and more expressive mental
attitude which may include crying and weeping at things that may surprise you.  Likewise,
changes in the proportions of your waist, hips, butt, and thighs may make necessary changes in
the sizes, choices and fit of your clothing.

Because of my prior mention of YMMV, please notice the ample use of words like "might" "maybe" 
"may" and "perhaps."

Without a doubt this can be very "EXCITING and SCARY all at the same time." Continue
to hang on for an amazing ride. 
Some of my best and most appreciated body changes happened in year #2.

We are here to rejoice with you in the good times and to support you in the not so good times.
One more time.... PATIENCE is required.  The attitude of many people today is "I want it all
and I want it now" ... that will not apply to HRT.

Hugs and well wishes... I will eagerly be looking for your updates as you
feel free to share them.
Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

Yeah, YMMV and HRT being a marathon instead of a race are part of what's made it so hard to make the leap. I guess what I was more asking is on the mental side of things, if there was some kind of fairly quick affirmation of your body/brain telling you that HRT was the right decision. Can you tell that you think/feel better than before (or at least differently)? I know lots of guys who take TRT and FTM men report a fairly immediate boost in mood, energy, etc. once they start taking T. Did anyone here get a similar boost in energy/mood/mental clarity that was like a puzzle piece clicking, some kind of "light bulb moment" that estrogen was what your body/mind/soul was missing? Or, like with the physical changes, is it a thing that's so gradual that you only realize how much it's changed you in hindsight?

All this understanding it can be different for everyone. I'm just curious if it's something where if I took HRT for a few weeks/months, I'd potentially know right from the start that it's the right (or even wrong) decision, or if that's just not something that's likely to happen.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I'm just curious if it's something where if I took HRT for a few weeks/months, I'd potentially know right from the start that it's the right (or even wrong) decision, or if that's just not something that's likely to happen.

I asked my Psychologist if there was some test I could take to verify that I am transgender. He said, "YES!" Start the HRT for 30 days. He told me to pay attention to my mood. Watch for any signs of moodiness or depression, or anything that feels like something isn't right. If you feel that, STOP immediately. That could mean this is not the path for you. Instead, I felt great. I felt happy and healthy.

The physical changes come later.

[katiebee]

Instead, I felt great. I felt happy and healthy.

I've seen some people on [that one website with the alien] mention a clearing of "brain fog." Is that kind of what you experienced?

[NancyDrew1930]

I remember feeling very excited to be getting on HRT during the first six months of 2022 as I waited to, first hear back from the clinic that they were taking me on (I sent in my application around Christmas 2021---so it's been 4 years this month since I made the decision to go on HRT and contact the clinic I go to), then have the initial intake appointment, then there was some feelings of anxiety during the next few months when I had my bloodwork done, and then had to wait for the follow-up appointment.  However, did it ever feel good when in June 2022, I finally got first my estrogen on June 2, then my Cyproterone on June 3 (the pharmacy had run out of Cyproterone, so they had to wait for their order to come in the next day).  Finally I was on HRT and within the first few days, did it ever fell good, like a weight had been lifted.  And just looking back, no one's been able to link my start of HRT with my Autistic breakdown and sensory overload (which had started with an extreme heat stroke that I had had in 2021), however, I wonder if, when my body was having the breakdown and overload, and I was figuring out that I had to drop my masks that I had built up over the years to hide both my autism and knowing that I was female on the inside thanks to my intersex condition, if a little bit right at the point when I had to go off work on sick leave, a very tiny part of it was from my body needing to learn that I was switching my combined "Male/Female OS" into just the "Female OS" and my body was rebooting into the correct Operating System that it should have been booted into originally, but had had both OS's running at the same time, and that maybe contributed a little bit to how my autism and sensory overload behaved.  However, today I am still glad that I started taking Estrogen and Cyproterone and now I am the woman that I was meant to be, and I'm improving and getting healthy again.

[CosmicJoke]

As someone who hasn't transitioned, but has always wished circumstance made it easier, I've always wondered what it feels like. Did you have an almost immediate reaction to your body's chemistry change, or was it pretty non-eventful and more of an imperceptibly gradual "look back in a year and realize how different I feel now" thing? Is starting more of an emotional/spiritualish experience than a physical one?

I didn't really begin to notice the physical changes until many years in. I think you're right that it was an imperceptibly gradual change.

The thing of it is I began this process when I was 18 years old. I think what it feels like and what it physically does is going to vary greatly from one person to the next.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I've seen some people on [that one website with the alien] mention a clearing of "brain fog." Is that kind of what you experienced?

I have heard that description too, but I don't recall ever having anything like "brain fog". It was like I had been unhappy for no reason, then suddenly I was happy and realized that I had no reason to be unhappy anymore.

It was mostly like my moods went from heavy to light. Sort of like a weight lifted off my shoulders, but not exactly that. I just felt better. It is hard to describe.

[NancyDrew1930]

I didn't really begin to notice the physical changes until many years in. I think you're right that it was an imperceptibly gradual change.

The thing of it is I began this process when I was 18 years old. I think what it feels like and what it physically does is going to vary greatly from one person to the next.

That's another thing.  Age.  At 18, because you haven't finished your first puberty at that point, HRT will do different things versus what its done to someone who starts at 38 or 78 that finished their first puberty years ago and now they are starting their second.

[katiebee]

I didn't really begin to notice the physical changes until many years in. I think you're right that it was an imperceptibly gradual change.

The thing of it is I began this process when I was 18 years old. I think what it feels like and what it physically does is going to vary greatly from one person to the next.

I love my wife and wouldn't trade my kids for the world. But if it were possible to have my cake and eat it too, I wish I would've transitioned at 18 when I first accepted it. But right about the time I had finally worked up the courage, that one "trans age" person who claimed to be an 8 year old girl back in the 2010s had made the rounds, and thanks to morning radio shows was the first exposure my family had to transgender people. It got shared in the family text as a subject of intense mockery (which, to be fair, entirely understandable) and made me both intensely afraid of the social consequences and self-conscious with "what if people think I'm like that obviously unwell (and possibly malicious) person" doubts. But I also might be just making excuses for chickening out. Bok bok.

I am curious just how much physical change would be possible for me on HRT alone. From what I've seen in various timelines of people with similar builds, barring a miracle it seems like I'd need quite a bit of surgery to get to where I'd want to be. 33 is still young, but doing it at 18 would've been so much less complicated for a number of reasons. Hindsight is 20/20, though!

[Lori Dee ✅]

"what if people think I'm like that obviously unwell

This is something we all struggled with. Many people worry about what others will think, if they will "pass", and if they will be accepted. I spent two years in therapy just trying to figure out what all of this meant for me and how I would deal with it.

It finally boiled down to just accepting myself for who I am. The opinions of others do not matter. Yes, they may decide not to remain in your life. But the real people will see that you have not changed. You are still you, no matter what you look like. The inner you does not change.

I told my family that I am the same person. The only difference is that now they know intimate details about me that I never shared with anyone before. Now, I am being more honest about who I am. I only gave them information. What they decide to do with that information is their decision, not yours. If they decide to remain in my life, I am happy to have them. But if they cannot be around the real me, maybe I don't want them to. I won't force them. I am 68, and I don't have time for negativity in my life.

It is very difficult for people just starting to see this point of view. They worry about the loss. The fear of loss is one of the strongest fears we ever face. But the reality is that what I lost were a bunch of negative people who refuse to accept me for who I am. What I gained is the peace of mind that I no longer have to play a role to appease others. It is my life, and no one will live it for me. So I choose to live the way that I decide, not how anyone else decides. That may sound selfish, but I am a better person because I am just being honest with myself and others.

You ask some very good questions. Thank you for sharing them with us.

[Jessica_Rose ✅]

My first thought on the way home from the doctor, knowing my prescription was waiting at my pharmacy, was an overwhelming sense of freedom.

It takes a while to notice any differences, they creep in slowly. First will usually be a sense of calmness that you may have never felt before. Next, you may realize the squirrels in your head are finally at rest. After a several weeks, you may notice that you are happier than you have ever been, even though nothing in your life has changed. In two or three months, you'll notice that your nipples are swelling, and they are really sensitive!

To you, most changes will appear glacially slow. The people who will notice first are the ones you don't see often. Usually the last person to notice the changes will be the person looking at the mirror. We will continue to see the same familiar reflection that we have seen for most of our lives. One day, you will catch a glimpse of the person you are becoming. It may even take you by surprise. Then for the first time in years, you will start crying for no reason. No reason other than finally seeing the mask removed from the person you have always been, the person you were forced to hide all of you life. After waiting all those years, you will finally see... you.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

@Jessica_Rose

Dear Jessica:
Very, very  nicely stated...  I fully agree with what you said.
regarding HRT progression.

          THANK YOU

HUGS, Danielle

[ChrissyRyan]

I felt elated.

Chrissy

[Alana Ashleigh]

I've been on hrt for 205 days. I remember picking up the prescription on my way to work that afternoon. I remember feeling relieved the second I popped both pills. It was really happening. The only change that happened within a few days is I didn't have the gross man funk anymore.

[NancyDrew1930]

I've been on hrt for 205 days. I remember picking up the prescription on my way to work that afternoon. I remember feeling relieved the second I popped both pills. It was really happening. The only change that happened within a few days is I didn't have the gross man funk anymore.

I never did have that male smell that bad, but I did notice that. 

However I also noticed that my sense of smell changed to where, especially in the summer, all those sweaty men walking around smell like walking piles of used cooking grease.  That "grease" smell is actually the testosterone that is mixed into men's sweat—-and I finally got that scene in "Christmas Vacation" where the neighbour wanted to snuggle with his wife after they went jogging and she's like "not until you shower".

[Jenn104]

36 hours after starting HRT I sat in my therapist's office and told her "Wait! you  didn't tell me the world was in color."