Charlotte's scratch post

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I am sorry you had to endure the pain.

Thank youu. It's only pain and worth it for allowing me to get GRS. I'd rather this for a everyday than the emotional pain I feel sometimes

[ChrissyRyan]

Make sure your desire for larger breasts is not just to fit into any specific dress. Understand why you want bigger breasts of a specific size.

I have a B cup and sometimes wish for just a little more but certainly not a D or larger cup, regardless of band size.  Back problems can occur with hefty breasts.  I think that as more muscle seems to leave the chest area, the larger the breasts should appear too.

I see many women with apparently small breasts that are certainly feminine, and they look lovely, and women should not be defined solely by boob size.  Although many people seem to pay attention to big boobs and many women want big boobs and even some moms are paying for cisfemales to get breast augmentation as the daughters start college!

If a woman wants breast augmentation that is certainly understandable (within reason, no need to set world records for size) but each of us need to understand why we want that.

As everyone is different in responding to HRT, orchies, body fat transfer, etc. I think that waiting to see what development one gets is a good idea.  We all need to be patient.  I may indeed try to see if I get a little more development with a higher E dose even though I have been on it for a long time now.  But if I do not try, or I do not get larger there, so be it.  I just do not see me getting a BA. 

I do not know how long any specific female should wait before getting a BA.  It is also such a personal decision for each to make.  More of anything is not necessarily better except for love, kindness, caring, faithfulness to the Heavenly Father, patience, and other good beliefs and behaviors.

Keep on sharing your thoughts here. 


Hugs,


Chrissy

[Stottie Girl]

Why get rid of it? Just put it away for now. You are right it does not fit you correctly right now but who knows where you will be in a few years. Hell, if your getting a boob job you can decide! But in all honesty changing your body to fit the dress is backwards! Change the dress! Look at more elastic stretch material in a smaller size that will stretch to your figure better.

My boobs were 44E before I went into trans exile at my mum and dads place. I know for a fact I have droped a band size since then so either 42E or F is where I will sit I think, though bra calculators put me at 42JJ so they are totally useless ha ha. Whilst there will undoubtably be a lot of fat there as I loose weight the difference between my band and my bust is actually increasing suggesting that it is mostly glandular. That big growth did not magically appear in the the first year, nor the second to be honest though by the second I think I was probably a C cup.

Everyone is different but my growth has been steady for well over 4 years if you count all the stop starting that went on in the past. I still have mild growth pain even though they are tanner V. BUT YMMV, not everyone will grow the same, studies (though I think they are deeply flawed based on peoples experiences here) seem to suggest that a B-C cup is the norm. As I've said before a B-C cup is still very noticable and feminine but if it sits on a broad chest I can totally understand why you would want BA.

What is your band size right now? You don't seem to be all that broad to me. You may have to buy size 16 right now but later in transition that might not be the case. I have kept a measurement log for years and at my lowest (on the log) I was 202lbs and I had a 37" underbust that's showing how much fat I have on my upper torso now and at 202lbs I still had a lot to loose. Your underlying frame may not be as broad as you think. HRT will atrophy a lot of the chest muscle structure which will start to reveal your true chest size. As I've said so many times though this will take time. I strongly recommend keeping a log of overbust, underbust, female waist, high hip full hip and thigh and arm to keep track of it all.

I'm not sure what happens to boob jobs if you end up naturally developing as well. Might be worth looking at that.

[Stottie Girl]

Make sure your desire for larger breasts is not just to fit into any specific dress. Understand why you want bigger breasts of a specific size.

I have a B cup and sometimes wish for just a little more but certainly not a D or larger cup, regardless of band size.  Back problems can occur with hefty breasts.  I think that as more muscle seems to leave the chest area, the larger the breasts should appear too.

I see many women with apparently small breasts that are certainly feminine, and they look lovely, and women should not be defined solely by boob size.  Although many people seem to pay attention to big boobs and many women want big boobs and even some moms are paying for cisfemales to get breast augmentation as the daughters start college!

If a woman wants breast augmentation that is certainly understandable (within reason, no need to set world records for size) but each of us need to understand why we want that.

As everyone is different in responding to HRT, orchies, body fat transfer, etc. I think that waiting to see what development one gets is a good idea.  We all need to be patient.  I may indeed try to see if I get a little more development with a higher E dose even though I have been on it for a long time now.  But if I do not try, or I do not get larger there, so be it.  I just do not see me getting a BA. 

I do not know how long any specific female should wait before getting a BA.  It is also such a personal decision for each to make.  More of anything is not necessarily better except for love, kindness, caring, faithfulness to the Heavenly Father, patience, and other good beliefs and behaviors.

Keep on sharing your thoughts here. 


Hugs,


Chrissy

I agree 100% with this Chrissy.

I do understand the desire to get boobs as quickly as possible though. It's a tough one. For me I would think waiting 3 years is maybe a better idea but you know your own body and we are all consenting adults at the end of the day.

I have large boobs but have not suffered related back pain (yet) but clothing and bra shopping is a bit of a nightmare.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Thanks Chrissy. It's not just this dress, was the same for my swimsuit and 75% of my wardrobe. Ive been wearing forms everyday the last few months, which has really helped me feel a lot better and feel happy being out there as my feminine self. Those give me a just under 2 cup boost so about C to D. But i cant wear anything showing cleavage which I relly want to be able to.

I think the issue is my chest and shoulders. And that the breasts i have are mostly fat. If i lay down or stretch my arms they protrude less than an inch. My upper body is pretty chunky, as a man when my upper body filled out I stopped getting bother from anyone and people looked scared if i got angry so was quite imposing. However thats not great for the feminine form, so hard to break that silhoutte.

I'm going to go to injections soon. Anecdotally breast growth improves on injected. I have  a theory here. I looked at the curves showing E levels when injecting 5mg estradiol valerate each 7 days. This suggested peaks at 1400pmol/l dropping to around 500pmol/l at the trough. That leaves E levels at very high levels for most of the week. Remember we test at the trough and look to get around 400pmol/l here. Even aiming for a lower trough still leaves E in the 1200 to 800pmol/l mark for most of the week. Thats very high. This is assuming the Transfem simulator is correct.  But it would explain a lot, especially as a lot of people go injected later in transition when high E could benefit more.

Charlotte ❤️

[ChrissyRyan]

I take my E sublingually twice a day to spread the daily dose out.
In theory this should keep the E level more level through the day, but it is half the dose with each dissolve. 

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Thanks Sarah, it does make sense and I'm really stressed about the idea of waiting to see but equally how happy I'll be from augmentation.  Its really tough. I guess im more concerned as my growth hasn't been consistent.  I had 100% growth in the first 6 months then nothing since. No tenderness or pain since about month 5. I'm now nearly a year with zero change. My band is steady at 38 inches and my breasts steady at 40 inches. But they are far apart so even if i push them with my hands I can't make a cleavage.

Wearing breat forms has really shown me what i need to be visible. Being two cups up opened up loads of outfits I wouldn't wear before.  I'd never have gone out in either swim suit without them, thats a certainty. Even with the forms in I can easily hide them with certain t shirts.

I'll see if injecting suddenly makes things ramp up. If I'm  pushing a  natural C with cleavage and still growing by then I'll reconsider I think.

Charlotte ❤️

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I take my E sublingually twice a day to spread the daily dose out.
In theory this should keep the E level more level through the day, but it is half the dose with each dissolve. 

Sublingual is fairly stable twice a day though sublingually will peak more. Ive been on oral most of the time. Considering my lack of contentment I find it worth exploring alternatives. It's all anecdotal, but so many people say injection was night and day compared to other routes.

[Stottie Girl]

Thanks Sarah, it does make sense and I'm really stressed about the idea of waiting to see but equally how happy I'll be from augmentation.  Its really tough. I guess im more concerned as my growth hasn't been consistent.  I had 100% growth in the first 6 months then nothing since. No tenderness or pain since about month 5. I'm now nearly a year with zero change. My band is steady at 38 inches and my breasts steady at 40 inches. But they are far apart so even if i push them with my hands I can't make a cleavage.

Wearing breat forms has really shown me what i need to be visible. Being two cups up opened up loads of outfits I wouldn't wear before.  I'd never have gone out in either swim suit without them, thats a certainty. Even with the forms in I can easily hide them with certain t shirts.

I'll see if injecting suddenly makes things ramp up. If I'm  pushing a  natural C with cleavage and still growing by then I'll reconsider I think.

Charlotte ❤️

Well I can understand it Charlotte and I do have sympathy with the dillema. Whilst my growth has been fairly consistant I think it is far more common for it to be in growth spurts with large gaps inbetween. This is totally normal for CIS girls too. Sometimes they start growing in their teens or preteens and don't mature until their twenties. That's often linked to hormone cycles I think. If your hormone range is up and down a bit because of chopping and changing meds it might cause this too but I think it is still normal for it to happen anyway.

It is hard to make the decision as it is entirely possible that you get to the 3 year mark and you have not had the growth you wanted, you would then be looking back and saying damn you Sarah! But if you do get the growth you will have saved thousands of pounds and gotten a much more natural look.

Regarding the breast root gap. A wide set is quite normal for CIS girls as well as trans girls. My root gap is just under an inch, apparently that is into close set territory but at times it doesn't feel like it to me because of my current band size. I do not have any issues getting cleavage though, I can see why that would upset you. I'm not entirely sure a boob job fixes root gap mind.

A 38" chest is not a broad chest for year 1 Charlotte. How heavy are you? I know you should never ask a lady that! If you factor in muscle loss and weight loss you could easily end up at 34 or maybe 32 you know. The smaller the band the more prominant the boobs will look. Atrophy does take years though.

[Maid Marion]

Learning to dress well is an art that has taken me years to learn.
Looking pretty is a lot easier if you can choose colors and styles that complement your body shape.

A big beginner mistake is wearing your favorite colors.  They may look good on someone else but with your skin tone they may make you look sickly. 

It is easier to wear dresses if your top and bottom are the same size.
If they aren't they make matching tops and bottoms so can mix and match.
Victoria's Secret will use the same fabric for many different products.
But, I think they use a different factory for each fabric, as sizing will vary with the fabric used!
This may allow the  use of automated machines that can't tell what fabric is used.

Marion

[Stottie Girl]

Learning to dress well is an art that has taken me years to learn.
Looking pretty is a lot easier if you can choose colors and styles that complement your body shape.

A big beginner mistake is wearing your favorite colors.  They may look good on someone else but with your skin tone they may make you look sickly. 

It is easier to wear dresses if your top and bottom are the same size.
If they aren't they make matching tops and bottoms so can mix and match.
Victoria's Secret will use the same fabric for many different products.
But, I think they use a different factory for each fabric, as sizing will vary with the fabric used!
This may allow the  use of automated machines that can't tell what fabric is used.

Marion

Good advice but body shape matters just as much as size. Being a busty girl means I will always have a mismatched size when it comes to separates but this is a good thing. I'm probably a full dress size larger for the top than the bottom. Designers assume that as you go up in dress size you naturally have broader shoulders but this is not the case for me. If I buy a structured top to fit my boobs then the shoulders will often end up down my biceps which on long sleeves mean the sleeves will be far too long. So if I want long sleeves I need to by stretchy tops.

At my lowest weight I had an hourglass shape due to the waist hip ratio so if that happens again (and I manage to loose the love handles this time) I will have to buy structured dresses for my bust but then take it to a seamstress to take in the middle so it fits. That or buy high elastane material clothes. Designers design their clothes for a rectangle figure but if you are outside of that you have to think smarter. I love all this though, it's so interesting to me.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I know what compliments my body - things that hide it all. That being the case theres no point in continuing transition just to hide my body. I spent all of boy mode hiding my hairy body, now I wanna show it. I really don't like the modest look in the summer particularly. 

On another note I was doing ok until just going on a nice walk received vile abuse from two blokes fishing on the canal. Just trying to enjoy a Sunday walk. Honestly I'm struggling to find anything i like about living anymore. I really just want to be out of my misery now. I'm honestly tired- i can't tske 20 more years of this life. Im honestly ready now to go now. There is nothing more this life can give me. Ive seen more than enough to know i want out.  I wish i was never born or i could just donate all my organs to someone.  Maybe i could sell them abroad and at least my bf can have the money.

[Devlyn ✅]

Thanks Chrissy. It's not just this dress, was the same for my swimsuit and 75% of my wardrobe. Ive been wearing forms everyday the last few months, which has really helped me feel a lot better and feel happy being out there as my feminine self. Those give me a just under 2 cup boost so about C to D. But i cant wear anything showing cleavage which I relly want to be able to.

I think the issue is my chest and shoulders. And that the breasts i have are mostly fat. If i lay down or stretch my arms they protrude less than an inch. My upper body is pretty chunky, as a man when my upper body filled out I stopped getting bother from anyone and people looked scared if i got angry so was quite imposing. However thats not great for the feminine form, so hard to break that silhoutte.

I'm going to go to injections soon. Anecdotally breast growth improves on injected. I have  a theory here. I looked at the curves showing E levels when injecting 5mg estradiol valerate each 7 days. This suggested peaks at 1400pmol/l dropping to around 500pmol/l at the trough. That leaves E levels at very high levels for most of the week. Remember we test at the trough and look to get around 400pmol/l here. Even aiming for a lower trough still leaves E in the 1200 to 800pmol/l mark for most of the week. Thats very high. This is assuming the Transfem simulator is correct.  But it would explain a lot, especially as a lot of people go injected later in transition when high E could benefit more.

Charlotte ❤️

What's never included in those anecdotes is the effect of the time that your body has been exposed to estrogen.

Regarding the dress, I've been guilty of buying the model's looks rather than what it's going to look like on me.

There was someone here many years ago that started sewing their own clothes because they couldn't find what they wanted off the rack. In my book that's a twofer; clothes that fit, and a hobby.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Devlyn ✅]

Aww, I was typing before you made that last post. 🙁

Can I just say that says a lot about two losers and nothing at all about you. 🙂

Hugs, Devlyn

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Aww, I was typing before you made that last post. 🙁

Can I just say that says a lot about two losers and nothing at all about you. 🙂

Hugs, Devlyn

I just feel like i want to cry. I wss having a nice day off and its ruined. Get two a week now this one is lost. I'm losing all my faith in humanity now.  I just feel like giving up

[tammy753]

This is where I was\am still sometimes. The Antidepressants do keep me out of the super bad place but it doesn't stop the thoughts. I have a lot to talk to my therapist this week. It sounds like you should reach out to them too.

[Devlyn ✅]

I don't want you giving up. 🙂

The trick to life is not letting other people live in your head rent free. When we got to our apartment in Spain this old bag was coming out of the building. She looked at us and made the sign of the cross on herself. 🤣 We didn't let that get us down...in fact we laugh about it.

Back in the US I lived at the end of a long dead end street. On Halloween I bought candy but no one came for it. The mailman was my only taker every year. Then I moved to the UK, on a housing estate...kids everywhere every day. I knew Halloween was going to be big. We loaded up on candy and got witches hats.

In short order a group of trick or treaters showed up, like a dozen of them. Everybody yelled "Trick or treat!"...and then this one young lad said "Are you a boy or a girl?" I said "I'm not sure.." and he immediately pointed at me and shouted "You're a boy!"

His parents looked mortified but my wife and I to this day laugh about and routinely point at each other with The Finger Of Accusation and say "You're a boy!" 😂

You have to roll with the punches or life will make you sad. And I don't have time for being sad. Neither should you. 😀

Hugs, Devlyn

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

The problem is though i don't have the self esteem. Everything these people say to me is true. I do look ridiculous and I'm a man i can never truely be a woman and i know that. So i lie to myself and feel ok, but then people remind me of the truth.  I should just  be normal like most other people and not try to be something i can never be.

[Laura Squirrel]

@Stottie Girl
Dear Sarah:
I had to translate to "American English"
as I had no idea what you were saying to
Charlotte Kitty:

"Gan canny, hinny" is a traditional Geordie phrase from Newcastle in North East England meaning "go carefully, my love" or "take it easy, dear".

Hugs, Danielle

LOL In the words of Steve Hofstetter: "You're speaking British, I don't understand." LOL I love that comedian. If you haven't checked him out, you should. Not only is he funny as hell and very smart. He is a solid trans ally. There's a video of him in Vancouver giving an American heckler the business. It's brilliant. There's also a wild plot twist.

[Pema]

I should just  be normal like most other people and not try to be something i can never be.

Charlotte, I've thought this at times in my life. And then I've realized that the thing I can never be is "normal." I'm just... not. And the truth is that I don't want to be "normal." I just want to be me, whatever that may be.

And that's OK for you, too. In fact, it's what's best for you and everyone else. But it's hard to accept that when the world demands conformity. You are amazing exactly as you are.