Charlotte's scratch post

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I moved some heavy woodworking machines I have stored at my dads house this morning, then went to the farm shop for some sausages and lamb steaks. I then sat on my fat lazy behind all day like the lazy cow I am! lol!

Oh yeahhh farm shop sausages are always tasty and meaty. I need to go again sometime as although pricey they are nice and you get a lot from the food you buy. Nothing wrong with chilling later in day, especiallyif you've moved heavy stuff!

Charlotte 😻

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

@Charlotte Kitty  cc: @Stottie Girl

Dear Charlotte;
What Stotti Girl stated regarding boob shape is usually correct, you are still early in your
transition journey, give some more time. 

During my transition time I had good Boob size during the first year of HRT, however, it
took 3 years for my boob size and shape to settle in the way they are now, nice shape, more
rounded, more size, and good cleavage.

Again, give it some more time. 

              ❤️

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
 

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Well I've managed to fight my mind back again today. For the first two hours I was literally ok, depressed, ok, depressed etc on repeat. No fun. I almost curled up and did nothing. But about 11am i broke out of it and managed to dig a big area to plant my veg once its ready to go out. The robins even joined me, they were getting any bugs as I turned the soil.

I went out again after lunch to tidy a bit. I also dug a new bed in which ive put some shrubs and grasses desperately outgrowing pots they were in.

I'm definitely losing my boy muscles. I needed to move a concrete gravel board used under fences. I thought at first I'd not manage, but gave it a last go and carried it where i needed. I wouldn't have struggled a couple of years ago.

Charlotte 😻

[Stottie Girl]

Well I've managed to fight my mind back again today. For the first two hours I was literally ok, depressed, ok, depressed etc on repeat. No fun. I almost curled up and did nothing. But about 11am i broke out of it and managed to dig a big area to plant my veg once its ready to go out. The robins even joined me, they were getting any bugs as I turned the soil.

I went out again after lunch to tidy a bit. I also dug a new bed in which ive put some shrubs and grasses desperately outgrowing pots they were in.

I'm definitely losing my boy muscles. I needed to move a concrete gravel board used under fences. I thought at first I'd not manage, but gave it a last go and carried it where i needed. I wouldn't have struggled a couple of years ago.

Charlotte 😻

You're getting a lot more positive Charlotte. You seem so much happier and able to chase the "black dog of depression" away. I'm not sure what's changed in you but it's great to see!

The loss of strength is something I've really started to notice of late. I can barely carry a 3/4 full shopping basket now! I find it quite an amusing confirmation of my feminimity actually!

[Dawn Kellie]

Well I've managed to fight my mind back again today. For the first two hours I was literally ok, depressed, ok, depressed etc on repeat. No fun. I almost curled up and did nothing. But about 11am i broke out of it and managed to dig a big area to plant my veg once its ready to go out. The robins even joined me, they were getting any bugs as I turned the soil.

I went out again after lunch to tidy a bit. I also dug a new bed in which ive put some shrubs and grasses desperately outgrowing pots they were in.

I'm definitely losing my boy muscles. I needed to move a concrete gravel board used under fences. I thought at first I'd not manage, but gave it a last go and carried it where i needed. I wouldn't have struggled a couple of years ago.

Charlotte 😻

Glad to hear you are finding your positivity. Keep it up. There are many of us that will listen if you need it.

Big hugs

[davina61]

I used to be able to lift a VW air cooled engine by myself, cant get one off the ground now!

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

You're getting a lot more positive Charlotte. You seem so much happier and able to chase the "black dog of depression" away. I'm not sure what's changed in you but it's great to see!

I think the support here, my therapy and just working through my thoughts is what has changed. Putting down my feelings allows me to see them and then challenge them. Plus i get exposure here to a lot of emotions good and bad. Its helping me grow. I'm sure HRT had changed my resilience to emotional pain. Having to relearn my relationship with life as a woman. Transitioning is great overall, but its also painful in ways. Its an added source of anxiety and self esteem issues. Can't pretend these aren't part of the process for some. Its high stakes so can be tough.

Charlotte 😻

[Dawn Kellie]

I agree. Just being here has helped me to understand what I've been pushing away all my life. I had to pretend to be a standard male. I was never fully aligned with what was different. Since finding SP I realized what was wrong

[ChrissyRyan]

You will have a terrific week ahead!


Chrissy

[Stottie Girl]

I'm prone to anxiety attacks and whilst my self esteem is improving, it is coming from rock bottom. I do worry a bit that coming out could destroy all the work I've done to try and overcome these issues. I guess time will tell but you are right, it is a very tough process. You need a thick skin at times I imagine. That is something I do not have, but I'm working on it.

[Stottie Girl]

You will have a terrific week ahead!


Chrissy

Feel the positivity from Chrissy here! That's the attitude! Say it loud, I WILL have a terrific week!

[Dawn Kellie]

I WILL HAVE A TERIFFIC WEEK. I have people who understand me and I am loved.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I agree. Just being here has helped me to understand what I've been pushing away all my life. I had to pretend to be a standard male. I was never fully aligned with what was different. Since finding SP I realized what was wrong

I'm glad you found here for sure. You've definitely come on leaps and bounds since the start. We're all rooting for you as you progresss towards comimg out more. But great to see you finding yourself already in good preparation for your future as Kellie.

Charlotte 😻

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

You will have a terrific week ahead!


Chrissy

Thank you sweetie. I'm hoping so and hope you do too. 😻

[Dawn Kellie]

If I ever make a trip to England I will make sure I let you know.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I'm prone to anxiety attacks and whilst my self esteem is improving, it is coming from rock bottom. I do worry a bit that coming out could destroy all the work I've done to try and overcome these issues. I guess time will tell but you are right, it is a very tough process. You need a thick skin at times I imagine. That is something I do not have, but I'm working on it.

Totally understand and self esteem can definitely take a hit as you question yourself during transition. But you have already laid the groundwork so guessing your main hope is that you dont get friction from others when you come out. I'm sure you skin is thicker than you imagine. You seem like someone that doesn't take c**p from people so i thibk you'll be good.

I think i struggle because my psychological condition is highly envious and my schema has an almost total reliance on external validation and occurrences. Unfortunately coming to terms with your transitioned self is almost all about finding self worth and self esteem. The two biggest weknesses i have. So thats why I'm a big mess about my trabsition progress and looks. Its a perfect storm.

But we're all here when you decide its time to become Sarah full time!

Charlotte 😻

[Dawn Kellie]

Totally understand and self esteem can definitely take a hit as you question yourself during transition. But you have already laid the groundwork so guessing your main hope is that you dont get friction from others when you come out. I'm sure you skin is thicker than you imagine. You seem like someone that doesn't take c**p from people so i thibk you'll be good.

I think i struggle because my psychological condition is highly envious and my schema has an almost total reliance on external validation and occurrences. Unfortunately coming to terms with your trabsitioned self is almost all about finding self worth and self esteem. The two biggest weknesses i have. So thats why I'm a big mess about my trabsition progress and looks. Its a perfect storm.

But we're all here when you decide its time to become Sarah full time!

Charlotte 😻

I definitely have depression and anxiety issues. Since Kellie has been released both have improved.
I thank everyone here for helping me find my true self

[Stottie Girl]

Totally understand and self esteem can definitely take a hit as you question yourself during transition. But you have already laid the groundwork so guessing your main hope is that you dont get friction from others when you come out. I'm sure you skin is thicker than you imagine. You seem like someone that doesn't take c**p from people so i thibk you'll be good.

I think i struggle because my psychological condition is highly envious and my schema has an almost total reliance on external validation and occurrences. Unfortunately coming to terms with your transitioned self is almost all about finding self worth and self esteem. The two biggest weknesses i have. So thats why I'm a big mess about my trabsition progress and looks. Its a perfect storm.

But we're all here when you decide its time to become Sarah full time!

Charlotte 😻

Aw thanks Charlotte. Actually I'm not confrontational at all Charlotte. I will defend other people but I don't have thick skin. If 9 people compliment me and one says something negative, I will believe the negative comment is true.

I can see your condition could make things harder for you Charlotte but each battle you win makes you stronger. You will beat it.

Who do you get envious of if you don't mind me asking? And what is it that makes you envious of them? Musicians? Film stars? models? These are not people you should be aspiring to be. They exist in a bubble detached from reality.

[Stottie Girl]

I definitely have depression and anxiety issues. Since Kellie has been released both have improved.
I thank everyone here for helping me find my true self

I'm sorry to hear that Kellie but unfortunately it is an all too common condition with trans people it seems. I guess it must stem from having to deny who you are for so long maybe? I do know that my depression and anxiety has been reduced to just occasional incidents, usually relating to neurodiversity triggers. This is a huge step forward from where I was two years ago. I was very broken back then. Have you been discussing these feelings with your therapist Kellie?

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Aw thanks Charlotte. Actually I'm not confrontational at all Charlotte. I will defend other people but I don't have thick skin. If 9 people compliment me and one says something negative, I will believe the negative comment is true.

I can see your condition could make things harder for you Charlotte but each battle you win makes you stronger. You will beat it.

Who do you get envious of if you don't mind me asking? And what is it that makes you envious of them? Musicians? Film stars? models? These are not people you should be aspiring to be. They exist in a bubble detached from reality.

I think judging by your first paragraph we are not that different to be honest. But then those kinda feelings are probably not uncommon in us cut from somewhat alternative cloth!

You asked the question...I get envious of anyone and none of them celebrities, well one very minor one and that's Fem&m. Anyone that my mind perceives as better than me in one or more ways. Very normal people always and including people here at times. It's nothing I'm proud of, and want to be rid of it as its very damaging to me. I know its irrational but it comes from deep inside. I remember these exact feelings aged about 6 and its never left me. This is what im trying to tackle amongst other things with my therapist. Where these feelings come from.

Honestly I had feelings from a young age I really shouldn't have. At age 7 I was highly envious, i was obsessed with my best friend in a sexual way, i hurt bad when he wasnt around, I had and engaged in kinks and a very weird excitable desire for humiliation.

I'm guessing being punished physically and humiliated a couple of years earlier messed me up. Witnessing and experiencing violence at home didnt help either. I was treated as a laughing stock by two much older half brothers that liked to put me down and get all the attention too.

A mess!

Charlotte 😻