Charlotte's scratch post

[Petunia]

Hi again Charlotte,
While I mention times I've gone out quite a bit femme, my wife has told me if I go out crossdressed it's all over.  I'm not out to anyone of our friends except one.

While I say I go out cis, my go to jeans and womens jeggings and I generally get positive comments from women.

Although we were out last week shopping in Zara (we only went there because I bought some nice zara maroon jeggings last week and my wife wants some) and two young ladies seemed to be looking at me and laughing when we got in the lift.

I was wearing a hint of lipstick, tinted sunscreen amd women's long sleeve tee, which my wife says does nothing for me, plus my normal earrings, necklace and bracelet.

I really didn't care if they were laughing as I was confortable in my skin.

My wife tells me that women will recognise the jeggings for what they are, and I just shrugged.

When I was told not to go out crossdressed I pointed out that I have kind of being doing it for a while but I think my wife doesn't want me in skirts or dresses.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Hi again Charlotte,
While I mention times I've gone out quite a bit femme, my wife has told me if I go out crossdressed it's all over.  I'm not out to anyone of our friends except one.

While I say I go out cis, my go to jeans and womens jeggings and I generally get positive comments from women.

Although we were out last week shopping in Zara (we only went there because I bought some nice zara maroon jeggings last week and my wife wants some) and two young ladies seemed to be looking at me and laughing when we got in the lift.

I was wearing a hint of lipstick, tinted sunscreen amd women's long sleeve tee, which my wife says does nothing for me, plus my normal earrings, necklace and bracelet.

I really didn't care if they were laughing as I was confortable in my skin.

My wife tells me that women will recognise the jeggings for what they are, and I just shrugged.

When I was told not to go out crossdressed I pointed out that I have kind of being doing it for a while but I think my wife doesn't want me in skirts or dresses.

It so saddens me Petunia, to read that you can't go out fully feminine and present the way that makes you feel the real you. However I'm happy to hear that you've found some cute jeggings and get to wear some other feminine clothes and accessories. I hope that makes you more comfortable at least.

There are always the odd few idiots about that laugh or comment, but like you say, you're comfortable in your own skin which is the important thing. Some people struggle to accept others that are free in their ways and not confined to very fixed social standards. I feel sorry for them!

I'm sure you put together some lovely outfits and look great in them. I definitely look forward to hearing about anything else nice that you buy to wear.

Lots of hugz,
Charlotte 😻

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Still keep thinking a lot about my gender identity and what trabsition will look like for me long term. Pushing ahead to pass as a woman as much as possible, but still keep thinking that part of me doesn't want to be fully like a cis woman. I feel I need to be mindful that I have my trans queer identity that I don't want to lose.

Its strange because in a way I'm working towards being a woman. But actually I don't know what it is to be a woman. Really I'm just being me but growing a feminine body, ways and mannerisms. Its more alignment than becoming if that makes sense.

I'm dead sure I want a female body and to come across feminine. That just feels so perfect to me. But gender wise one could be male / non binary / female yet still have that same desire. I could choose to be male and transition in reality. Myself i still feel agender, but i energise from being she her. Still I'm just me. That's the only was i can describe my gender.

Charlotte 😻

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

My Enby fursona Skittles in their cute maids dress!

A funny story, my boyfriend has the same dress. He tried it on in his bedroom whilst still living at his parents house a couple of years ago. I was at work he sent me a picture. Next thing a panic call at 1530 as he was stuck in the dress and couldn't get out! At this point his parents had never met me so a rescue mission would have been awkward. Luckily he got it off as would have been stuck up there 😂

[Dances With Trees]

Too cute! Love the look, Charlotte.

[Lori Dee ✅]

That is adorable!

[Dawn Kellie]

Very cute

[davina61]

Charlotte I think we are "the same",am I a women? I know I need a female body and present as a women but do I feel fully as a women? I am just myself happy in my own skin and ways.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

For research on my face shape and things I might be able to do with my look I asked chatGPT to find celebrities that looked most like me. Of course I don't look massively like them but can definitely see parity between our features which gave me some interesting insights.

Both matches have the lines I have from my lip ends to my nose and a very similar face shape. The best matches it gave are:

Alicia Silverstone: Not a perfect match but she shares those lines from mouth to nose. The biggest insight - her eyes are very similar to mine with lines under them and look a bit deeper, less open than many women. Very minimal eye makeup in pretty much all images from what I can determine. I've struggled to get eye makeup to work well with me. Maybe she finds similar?

Drew Barrymore: Not dissimilar face shape at all. Same lines as above. Her lips are much bigger than mine. If I fixed that I'd be pretty close. The other big factor - hair. She has a lot more hair to create volume and the forehead line is lower. With hair transplant again I would be getting close.

So my conclusion is yes I look very different from them both in a way, but some small changes could push me closer to a more feminine look. In any case there is a lot of similarity - I don't look overtly masculine by comparison.

I'd be interested if you can figure what else is similar / different between men and them.

Charlotte X

[Dawn Kellie]

Drew Barrymore I always thought was cute as a button.
I can see some similarities between both of you.
I appreciate looking for similarities, but I think you are cute just as you are.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I don't see anything but femme in you. I think the changes you want to make will help you see what we see. The important part is to be content with yourself. And you are very close!

[Stottie Girl]

For research on my face shape and things I might be able to do with my look I asked chatGPT to find celebrities that looked most like me. Of course I don't look massively like them but can definitely see parity between our features which gave me some interesting insights.

Both matches have the lines I have from my lip ends to my nose and a very similar face shape. The best matches it gave are:

Alicia Silverstone: Not a perfect match but she shares those lines from mouth to nose. The biggest insight - her eyes are very similar to mine with lines under them and look a bit deeper, less open than many women. Very minimal eye makeup in pretty much all images from what I can determine. I've struggled to get eye makeup to work well with me. Maybe she finds similar?

Drew Barrymore: Not dissimilar face shape at all. Same lines as above. Her lips are much bigger than mine. If I fixed that I'd be pretty close. The other big factor - hair. She has a lot more hair to create volume and the forehead line is lower. With hair transplant again I would be getting close.

So my conclusion is yes I look very different from them both in a way, but some small changes could push me closer to a more feminine look. In any case there is a lot of similarity - I don't look overtly masculine by comparison.

I'd be interested if you can figure what else is similar / different between men and them.

Charlotte X

I just tried it and it came up with Claire Danes and Abigail Breslin, yes the little girl from Signs and Little Miss Sunshine so maybe it's not the most accurate ha ha!!

[Dawn Kellie]

Im sure id get the bearded lady.😜

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I'm not looking desperately to make more facial changes, but its nice to validate whats working and similar to other women and what isn't. Really its affirmed me more in my own mind. But in future those options are open. A hair transplant is a definite as then i can actually get volume in my hair that lasts.

Im really just working on my identity. What kind of woman am I? How do i compare to others? What could i change and do i want to. Its a big time for me i feel right now. The time to explore and see what fits. Also i need to know who i might be for my music journey. Whats my uniqueness and what am i trying to say about myself.

Charlotte 😻

[Dawn Kellie]

When you all famous and doing a world tour, please remember us little people.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I'm not looking desperately to make more facial changes, but its nice to validate whats working and similar to other women and what isn't. Really its affirmed me more in my own mind. But in future those options are open. A hair transplant is a definite as then i can actually get volume in my hair that lasts.

Im really just working on my identity. What kind of woman am I? How do i compare to others? What could i change and do i want to. Its a big time for me i feel right now. The time to explore and see what fits. Also i need to know who i might be for my music journey. Whats my uniqueness and what am i trying to say about myself.

Charlotte 😻

I think that is a very healthy attitude.

Music-wise or when DJing, you can still be a queer woman. Have some fun with it.

[Stottie Girl]

I'm not looking desperately to make more facial changes, but its nice to validate whats working and similar to other women and what isn't. Really its affirmed me more in my own mind. But in future those options are open. A hair transplant is a definite as then i can actually get volume in my hair that lasts.

Im really just working on my identity. What kind of woman am I? How do i compare to others? What could i change and do i want to. Its a big time for me i feel right now. The time to explore and see what fits. Also i need to know who i might be for my music journey. Whats my uniqueness and what am i trying to say about myself.

Charlotte 😻

You don't need AI to validate your feminimity Charlotte. It's there for all to see. You don't need to compare yourself to anyone. You look feminine, there is no doubt.

[Courtney G]

Im really just working on my identity. What kind of woman am I? How do i compare to others? What could i change and do i want to. It's a big time for me i feel right now. The time to explore and see what fits. Also i need to know who i might be for my music journey. Whats my uniqueness and what am i trying to say about myself.

Charlotte, a lot of your searching and struggling to define yourself resonates with me. It's something I've been meaning to explore in a blog post but it's easier to talk about day-to-day stuff. Maybe I'll write a bit about it.

I must say that in my case, I would give anything to be 100% read as a woman, but I don't know that I want to or need to satisfy society's expectations around gender. I told my electrologist yesterday that as a woman, I'm pretty butch and she disagreed, suggesting that I have a gentle, feminine quality, not butch at all. So maybe I'm a gentle, feminine person who wants to possess a traditionally feminine form but still wants to be "me" in terms of mannerisms, hobbies, etc. I mean, we know these gender roles society expects of us are all just a performance to make others feel comfortable, less threatened, or more in control (see "men" for more info). But I kind of eschew that. I don't want to have to stay in my lane as a woman in order to BE a woman. That's just dumb.

But then there's this:

Maybe I cling to the "I don't really need to be a woman; I'm not sure I fully identify as a woman" thought because I'm afraid I can't do it to my satisfaction or the satisfaction of others. This is one that sometimes keeps me up at night.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Charlotte, a lot of your searching and struggling to define yourself resonates with me. It's something I've been meaning to explore in a blog post but it's easier to talk about day-to-day stuff. Maybe I'll write a bit about it.

I must say that in my case, I would give anything to be 100% read as a woman, but I don't know that I want to or need to satisfy society's expectations around gender. I told my electrologist yesterday that as a woman, I'm pretty butch and she disagreed, suggesting that I have a gentle, feminine quality, not butch at all. So maybe I'm a gentle, feminine person who wants to possess a traditionally feminine form but still wants to be "me" in terms of mannerisms, hobbies, etc. I mean, we know these gender roles society expects of us are all just a performance to make others feel comfortable, less threatened, or more in control (see "men" for more info). But I kind of eschew that. I don't want to have to stay in my lane as a woman in order to BE a woman. That's just dumb.

But then there's this:

Maybe I cling to the "I don't really need to be a woman; I'm not sure I fully identify as a woman" thought because I'm afraid I can't do it to my satisfaction or the satisfaction of others. This is one that sometimes keeps me up at night.

There has definitely been a part of me that feels a lot like your last paragraph too. Its scary to adopt the I want to pass as a woman stance because you're setting a high bar. Like you say you're now afraid of not meeting your expectations here. So in a way by declaring this not important you release that pressure. But is this real or are we trying to fo ourselves?

This is the real bit - what do we really want? And then this changes day to day. Maybe because societal issues got to you one day? Or because you compared to someone that passes really well and want some of that. I'm guessing the goal is really somewhere in-between. Thats the gold we seek.

I find it tough as apart from on here i have no way to determine how feminine i look or if i pass. I've had zero encounters where people gendered my either way in months. Usage of gendered greetings here is non existent. At the hospital yes, but they had my file and name as reference. So its all confusing really.

I hope you get somewhere with your decisions as to what youre seeking to achieve. It sounds like you want to be completely free to determine how you present without confirming stereotypes, but also fear this may be just lowering your own internal standards to ease anxiety. Damn its tough!

Charlotte 😻

[Courtney G]

I find it tough as apart from on here i have no way to determine how feminine i look or if i pass. I've had zero encounters where people gendered my either way in months. Usage of gendered greetings here is non existent. At the hospital yes, but they had my file and name as reference. So it's all confusing really.

I think that a very common struggle among trans people is "does this person really see/recognize/respect me as [my chosen gender] or are they just being kind? Or maybe they're just tolerating me because they don't want to make waves."

But the stronger and wiser among us might say "Who cares? If they gender you correctly, don't worry about what they really think about you. Focus on what *you* think about you." Easier said than done, sometimes.

I was on a call with a health insurance advocate today and she asked me about my name, pointing out that she had deadnamed me because both my chosen name and deadname were in the system and she felt bad about it. When I told her I didn't care if she used that name, she exclaimed "girl! Of course I'm going to call you by the correct name!"

There was a sincerity to it that made me cry. I told her so and I thanked her for her kindness. I do believe it was real. And I guess that's the point: while there are haters and fakes out there, there are people who will go out of our way to lift us up. And maybe more importantly, if we feel "right" about how we choose to be seen, nothing else should matter, even in these troubled times in which hate has found a more full-throated voice from the top down.

I think I'm going to go and have a bowl of ice cream to celebrate this discussion.