Charlotte's scratch post

[Stottie Girl]

Thanks all for the love yesterday and sorry for losing it. On Thursday night i broke quite badly, i couldn't barely even say a word to my boyfriend and sat in silence. Friday was much the same, just felt vacant all day.

Today a little better thank you although I still feel very emotionally drained.

I'm struggling massively with self image right now. Even around 20 cis women telling me they thought I was cis is not even cutting through the feeling. I think this is totally about what I see and feel and probably because I've got BPD which would explain everything. 

Thursday is the big day because i see a psychiatrist. I'm terrified.  What if they don't find I have BPD and I'm on my own again? What if the treatment is ages away or no good? What if they fob me off? I'm just scared as if i can't sort this, honestly I have no life.  I can't go on with this level of emotional volatility and the overall feeling I dont want to exist. Thats been my default position for 30+ years now.

Anyways enough of that. I just want you to know i dont want or like  any of these feelings and behaviours. But right now they totally own me.

@ChrissyRyan Thank you. I have electrolysis for GRS this afternoon. Tomorrow morning I have s charity 5k run. I do need to rest too as exhausted.  I hope you have a lovely weekend too.

Love Charlotte ❤️ 😍

They wont fob you off Charlotte, anyone can see you have some serious issues going on in that noggin of yours. They will know what steps to take to get you on the road to a better you. If they don't well, then I despair for the state of the NHS.

You will be in good hands.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Thanks Charlotte, I worry if I overstep the mark sometimes.

I'm OK I suppose, another day in male prison. It's hard to get motivated to be honest. It's grey and miserable and wet outside. A lovely change to be fair ha ha! I should probably make a move to go to my house soon and have a go at removing some more wallpaper.

I hope you can get out of the male prison soon. Maybe you wear some reminder, maybe a bracelet or necklace as this gotta be hard.

For wallpaper maybe you got a steamer? They are amazing and make it a breeze!

Charlotte ❤️

[Stottie Girl]

I hope you can get out of the male prison soon. Maybe you wear some reminder, maybe a bracelet or necklace as this gotta be hard.

For wallpaper maybe you got a steamer? They are amazing and make it a breeze!

Charlotte ❤️

Yeah, I went out and bought a wagner steamer this morning for £40. I've got the entire bedroom ceiling wallpaper off in 90 mins! Should have bought this earlier! Woohoo!

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Today I feel a little more well in myself thankfully. It's still tough to keep my head above the water but I've managed. I loved being out in my cute outfit and just being me as much as possible. I put a little makeup on as its a bit cooler now and wanted to make myself pretty to  feel better about myself. My electrologist commented immediately she liked my makeup which was nice to hear. I honestly think I'm passing as get no comments, looks or anything. Add that to all the feedback from cis people and a transphobe mistaking and affirming me for being cis (crazy story) its seeming so.

Tomorrow I've got a charity 5k run at 9am, meet at 8.30 so gotta be up by 7am on Sunday!!!! I'm sure it'll be enjoyable.

[Finally Anna]

It's still tough to keep my head above the water but I've managed.

Well done! Perseverance is what we all need.

[Lori Dee ✅]

Have fun on the run!

Enjoy yourself.