Charlotte's scratch post

[tammy753]

Thank you Charlotte.

I think this post sums up how nice you are.

You are having your own issues and yet you are thinking of me.  Thankyou.

I had a bit of a drama queen meltdown a bit over a week ago.

My wife all of a sudden told me she had been visiting Susans and wanted to know what my name is.

This was always going happen at some stage but I wanted to be there when she started reading.

When we sat down to start, she didn't want too look at it.

She admitted that she has outed me to a close friend.
I think she told her friend P wants to transition.
Her friend asked, what do you want.
My wifes reply was for us to be together.

I have been spending a lot of time revisiting "are you trans?" sites trying to convince myself over and over that I'm not.

My internal self focussed transphobia is trying to find another way around this.
I don't hate trans people it's just I'm having a hard time believing I could be transgender.

I know I'm kidding myself. But I can't explain how conflicted I am.

Tomorrow I am seeing a gender affirming doctor.

I am still dealing with the shame of being trans. I grew up in a time and place where you had to fit in or you were not wanted. Having grown up in a time with transpeople were openly mocked made this shame even worse over the years. Unfortunately that time appears to be coming back and that is not helping. I am seeing a therapist and I have mentions 7 or 800000 times and she is having to work hard for her money. I have no words of wisdom to impart but I can tell you that the longer I resist the worse I feel. I don't know you well enough to tell you what to do but you joined this forum which means some part of you thinks its trans. I hope you find the help you need!

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Had a painful headache all day at work. Thankfully running club has dulled the headache so not as bad. Had us do 6.5k today in 40 mins. Pushing it for me though!

I've now got legs bums tums booked on Wednesday and Saturday then swimming Sunday. Ive given up trying to put on weight so guess my only option is to lose my tummy. Its not really the look I'm after, but at least more feminine than this man body I've got now. So worth a try I guess.

At least I also get to be around other women too which will make me feel a lot more comfortable as myself.

I'm hoping my levels are good on Saturday when I get tested. I feel better already on injected, less agitated. I really hope this makes some changes happen in the coming months.

[Stottie Girl]

Had a painful headache all day at work. Thankfully running club has dulled the headache so not as bad. Had us do 6.5k today in 40 mins. Pushing it for me though!

I've now got legs bums tums booked on Wednesday and Saturday then swimming Sunday. Ive given up trying to put on weight so guess my only option is to lose my tummy. Its not really the look I'm after, but at least more feminine than this man body I've got now. So worth a try I guess.

At least I also get to be around other women too which will make me feel a lot more comfortable as myself.

I'm hoping my levels are good on Saturday when I get tested. I feel better already on injected, less agitated. I really hope this makes some changes happen in the coming months.

Jeez Charlotte, you'll be putting in for the olympics at this rate. You're making me tired just reading about it ha ha! I'm glad you're getting engaged with something. Let us know how you get on at bums and tums, I'm curious what goes on there.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

This evening I have the legs, bums and tums class. I'm booked in and its a full class. OMG I'm just sooo nervous now. I'm excited to do this but at the same time I'm terrified. I'll be in a room full of what is most likely to be all women. Am I going to pass? Will I get any weird looks or such? If it goes well I'm sure I'll feel so affirmed being in such a group, but cant pretend I'm not apprehensive. I've also never done anything like this before!

Honestly later on I think the apprehension will accelerate my heartbeat more than the class. I'll burn off 400 calories waiting to go in!

[Finally Anna]

Sounds very exciting and fun!
Perhaps you'll pass, perhaps not.
If you just stay your lovely and smiling self then those women will care more about that and not so much about whether you pass or not.
You've got this!
💕

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Thanks Anna. I'll  see how I feel later on. Part of me doesn't want to go. I'm not feeling like a woman today. If I'm better later I'll go.

[Petunia]

Hey Charlotte. You've got this.

I love the fact you are getting out and feeding your body with the movement it needs.

When you do this you also flood your mind with endorphins.

The exercise is giving you that little bit of pain you crave.

Ask me how I know.

You have talked about how you want to be be bigger and curvier, but what if your body wants to be lean, tight with a snatched in waistline?

Both are feminine.

Maybe your body was meant to be one of those lean taller types?

PS I'm so happy you are getting out and moving around.
💗