Charlotte's scratch post

[tammy753]

Thank you Charlotte.

I think this post sums up how nice you are.

You are having your own issues and yet you are thinking of me.  Thankyou.

I had a bit of a drama queen meltdown a bit over a week ago.

My wife all of a sudden told me she had been visiting Susans and wanted to know what my name is.

This was always going happen at some stage but I wanted to be there when she started reading.

When we sat down to start, she didn't want too look at it.

She admitted that she has outed me to a close friend.
I think she told her friend P wants to transition.
Her friend asked, what do you want.
My wifes reply was for us to be together.

I have been spending a lot of time revisiting "are you trans?" sites trying to convince myself over and over that I'm not.

My internal self focussed transphobia is trying to find another way around this.
I don't hate trans people it's just I'm having a hard time believing I could be transgender.

I know I'm kidding myself. But I can't explain how conflicted I am.

Tomorrow I am seeing a gender affirming doctor.

I am still dealing with the shame of being trans. I grew up in a time and place where you had to fit in or you were not wanted. Having grown up in a time with transpeople were openly mocked made this shame even worse over the years. Unfortunately that time appears to be coming back and that is not helping. I am seeing a therapist and I have mentions 7 or 800000 times and she is having to work hard for her money. I have no words of wisdom to impart but I can tell you that the longer I resist the worse I feel. I don't know you well enough to tell you what to do but you joined this forum which means some part of you thinks its trans. I hope you find the help you need!

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Had a painful headache all day at work. Thankfully running club has dulled the headache so not as bad. Had us do 6.5k today in 40 mins. Pushing it for me though!

I've now got legs bums tums booked on Wednesday and Saturday then swimming Sunday. Ive given up trying to put on weight so guess my only option is to lose my tummy. Its not really the look I'm after, but at least more feminine than this man body I've got now. So worth a try I guess.

At least I also get to be around other women too which will make me feel a lot more comfortable as myself.

I'm hoping my levels are good on Saturday when I get tested. I feel better already on injected, less agitated. I really hope this makes some changes happen in the coming months.

[Stottie Girl]

Had a painful headache all day at work. Thankfully running club has dulled the headache so not as bad. Had us do 6.5k today in 40 mins. Pushing it for me though!

I've now got legs bums tums booked on Wednesday and Saturday then swimming Sunday. Ive given up trying to put on weight so guess my only option is to lose my tummy. Its not really the look I'm after, but at least more feminine than this man body I've got now. So worth a try I guess.

At least I also get to be around other women too which will make me feel a lot more comfortable as myself.

I'm hoping my levels are good on Saturday when I get tested. I feel better already on injected, less agitated. I really hope this makes some changes happen in the coming months.

Jeez Charlotte, you'll be putting in for the olympics at this rate. You're making me tired just reading about it ha ha! I'm glad you're getting engaged with something. Let us know how you get on at bums and tums, I'm curious what goes on there.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

This evening I have the legs, bums and tums class. I'm booked in and its a full class. OMG I'm just sooo nervous now. I'm excited to do this but at the same time I'm terrified. I'll be in a room full of what is most likely to be all women. Am I going to pass? Will I get any weird looks or such? If it goes well I'm sure I'll feel so affirmed being in such a group, but cant pretend I'm not apprehensive. I've also never done anything like this before!

Honestly later on I think the apprehension will accelerate my heartbeat more than the class. I'll burn off 400 calories waiting to go in!

[Finally Anna]

Sounds very exciting and fun!
Perhaps you'll pass, perhaps not.
If you just stay your lovely and smiling self then those women will care more about that and not so much about whether you pass or not.
You've got this!
💕

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Thanks Anna. I'll  see how I feel later on. Part of me doesn't want to go. I'm not feeling like a woman today. If I'm better later I'll go.

[Petunia]

Hey Charlotte. You've got this.

I love the fact you are getting out and feeding your body with the movement it needs.

When you do this you also flood your mind with endorphins.

The exercise is giving you that little bit of pain you crave.

Ask me how I know.

You have talked about how you want to be be bigger and curvier, but what if your body wants to be lean, tight with a snatched in waistline?

Both are feminine.

Maybe your body was meant to be one of those lean taller types?

PS I'm so happy you are getting out and moving around.
💗

[Lori Dee ✅]

Two things to keep in mind:

You are not going there to check out how the others look. You are there to improve how you look.

The others are not there to check out how you look. They are there to improve how they look.

Everyone is there for the same reason. They want to improve what they see as faults in their appearance. That sounds like a no-judgment zone to me. People tend to avoid criticizing others when their own faults are on display.

There may be some who feel better putting others down, but I suspect they won't be in your group. Just focus on learning and having fun.

You got this.

[Stottie Girl]

Good luck tonight Charlotte, you're fearless! This will be a breeze! Enjoy it and tell us all about it.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

OMG that was intense! There are bits of my body aching that I really didn't know existed 🤣

I really enjoyed the class even though very tough. Was all women and others asked how I found it and helped me setup my step.

Best bit...the class leader saying "come on ladies" to us all. I think going as a regular I will become part of the inner circle fine 🙂

I've got one in another gym Saturday so hopefully will be good too. These really do make me feel good. I think as a woman what makes me tick is changing.

Thanks for the good wishes from you @Finally Anna @Petunia @Lori Dee @Stottie Girl

[Lori Dee ✅]

Glad it went well. I agree that making it a regular part of your routine can help build a circle of friends. They get to know you, and you get to know them. Who knows? There might be a Furry Fan in there!

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I wore my cute leopard print dress to work. Im the afternoon I caught my side profile in the mirror and thought it actually looked OK. I'm still trying to love myself. Not perfect but trying. I wore some black heels today too. I enjoy wearing heels so much. They don't go with everything, so junp at the chance with a nice dress like this. My colleagues love it when I wear heels because if the sound.

[Lori Dee ✅]

That's a cute dress! I like that color on you too.

[Petunia]

I agree with Lori

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Was driving home earlier and heard the name Clementine on the radio and thought what a lovely name. That made me think about my name and that I'm called Charlotte...that's my legal name and has been for nearly a year now. I suddenly felt good...having that realisation again. This isn't a dream. It's real life.

The excercise is really helping to lift my mood. But also making it easier for me to dig myself out when I do fall in. Also I wonder if injecting E is helping. This last week has been one of my best. I'm trying to learn my triggers too and either curate my life to avoid completely or just shut them down until I feel in a good place.

I hope I win this battle. Its been so debilitating.

Charlotte ❤️

[Lori Dee ✅]

Whatever you are doing, keep doing it.

Your posts are so full of warm, positive energy now. I don't just mean what you say, but how you say it. It's working.

You are definitely going to win this battle.