Charlotte's scratch post

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I assume your boss knows you are a trans woman? If yes and if you have a decent/good relation to your boss, then I would ask about it.
"Boss, I happened to see that Claude AI heading about cost of discrimination. Should I be worried?"

Maybe he was looking into it for totally different reasons than you think?

I transitioned whilst working there so they definitely know. Hoping its just his curiosity for HR purposes which he looks after. It would upset me badly to get this close to GRS and have to cancel because I lose my job.

[Stottie Girl]

I wouldn't worry Charlotte, he's probably just worried in case he accidently does or says the wrong thing and doesn't want to open himself up to a case of discrimination in the workplace.

[Sarah B ✅]

Hi Charlotte

I have a plan for you or you can call it homework:

The Plan
Do the following things:

• Go and buy a dress you would wear if you went to the party.
• Go to a hairdresser and get your hair styled.
• Go to a professional makeup artist and have your makeup done.

Three and four could be combined in one stop.

Conclusion
Go to the party and you will feel like a million dollar women.  I personally guarantee it, oh and have a good fantastic time.

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Charlotte Kitty

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Im at work before the party, both are impossible. Who knows if it'll even happen.

[Sarah B ✅]

Hi Charlotte

You said:

Im at work before the party, both are impossible. Who knows if it'll even happen.

My question for you is; "Do you have any leave up your sleeve", for example Annual leave or flexitime?  If so then go!😉

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Charlotte Kitty

[Lori Dee ✅]

I'm not very sociable, so I tend to avoid parties unless I know everyone well. At work, I rarely socialized with coworkers after hours. Occasionally, but rarely.

So I do understand the reluctance to go. But that has nothing to do with how you look.

Even if you don't buy a new dress (though it is a perfect excuse to buy one), you have shown us some really nice ones you already have, and they look great on you.

A survey by Cosmopolitan Magazine years ago found that most women get dressed up to go out not to impress men, but to impress women. However, my experience with "Mandatory" company parties is that some dress to the nines, some dress up a little, and some come as they are and just be themselves.

If you go, I think you should just be yourself. If you feel like wearing makeup, then wear makeup. If you want to wear a nice dress, running shorts, or a fur suit, then do that. The point of the parties is just to socialize, relax, and have some fun. It is not a fashion show.

And if you get there and you aren't feeling the vibe, leave early. Nothing says you can't.
Don't stress out about it. It's supposed to be fun!

[Maid Marion]

Are there any pictures so you can see what women were wearing?
You should dress to the same standard as the other women attending is the starting point as to how you should dress.

[Courtney G]

Regarding your boss, perhaps you should formally tell a third party (such as an attorney) about it. That way, if he fires you and claims it had nothing to do with your gender, you've a bit of proof that it was a premeditated thing based on discrimination.

Imagine his face in court when, after your attorney questions him regarding your performance at work and your gender and he repeatedly states that your gender wasn't a factor at all ("I hadn't even considered her status as a trans woman; it was purely regarding job performance"), your attorney says "I wish to present to the court this memo, dated xx/xx/xxxx that states that my client saw [stuff on the monitor] and reported it to me preemptively, as she was concerned about the possible threat of discrimination.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Sorry I've been awol and unresponsive. This work thing has me fearing I'll lose my job just before GRS and after all the wait it won't happen because of it. Thats kinda my luck with life not allowing me to have joy. I'm still struggling with it, but trying. I discussed with my therapist last night. She totally understands my anxiety is now through the roof.

My mood is more stable as I'm using Mirtazipine with Venlafaxine now. There is slight sedation which is making me care less so not as fired up ready to hurt myself or breakdown. I did mess up yesterday as accidentally took my Mirtazipine in the morning.  I wondered why i was struggling not to fall asleep all day at work. Was basically working whilst sedated!

Anyways I'll try too keep my head above water, but the next two months are gonna be tough on my mind for sure.

Hugs ❤️ 🫂
Charlotte

[Finally Anna]

Sorry I've been awol and unresponsive

Don't be. Absent and unresponsive is what is needed, at times.
💕

[tammy753]

I tried to take my meds in the morning and that was a nightmare. I was completely out of it for a month until I moved it to the evening. Those antidepressants aren't messing around.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Don't be. Absent and unresponsive is what is needed, at times.
💕

I wish I knew what was needed tbh. All i can say is I'm not really enjoying the journey of transition as much as I should be. But its seemingly disappointing on most fronts, now with threats to me being able to fix the problems I have. I just need February here and my GRS and BA completed so i can like what i see in the mirror. FFS helped make that real for my face. February will make that real for my body, particularly breats. If i lose my job though I'll have to cancel the breastb augmentation which will kill me.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I'm so struggling with dysphoria now and feel like I'm losing Charlotte. The euphoria I felt some time ago is seeming like a distant memory. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. I'm not "him" anymore but I'm also not Charlotte. I feel her most days and i see her face. But a lot is still wrong. I try to ignore whats wrong, but I'm reminded everyday of him.  I see his body. But worse when I see his body i become him again and it hurts, it cuts real deep. It reminds me I'm not a woman at all. I'm a half finished woman. It's agonising...going day to day, week to week, month to month. Yet nothing is changing. But it takes more time...maybe things will change. But still now for all these months...this is not my body. I can't go back, but I'm not moving forwards. And I'm powerless to change that. What if it never happens? What if i can never progress beyond him with a female face? Can I handle that? I don't  honestly know. And i feel powerless, i feel in limbo, i can't move on.

Am i really alone in this place? I feel very lonely. Everyone around me feels like they are progressing, changing, evolving.  I feel stuck. Alone in no mans land. Screaming out for a lifeline. But...silence. Just me and my own echo...the echo of his voice throwing me firmly back to earth if i ever pretend Charlotte...this dream....could ever really happen to me.

[Lori Dee ✅]

Charlotte,

You are letting the ANTs get to you. Has your therapist talked to you about them?

This all-or-nothing way of thinking is a typical example of a pattern known as automatic negative thought (ANT). Comprising about a dozen categories (many overlapping), these thoughts compel people to interpret distressing situations in unbalanced ways without examining the evidence at hand. That can sap happiness unless people learn to recognize and disarm these cognitive distortions. Read this article about how to stomp out ANTs.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/break-free-from-3-self-sabotaging-ants-automatic-negative-thoughts-202211082847 🔗

Also talk to your therapist about them too. They may have some things you can try as well.

You know that it takes years (more than five) for cisgender women to go through puberty. So why do you think you can do it in a matter of months? OK, a year and a half?

You want it all now and can't wait to reach the finish line, yet you know this is a lifelong journey.

You are letting those ANTs tell you that you are not making progress, but you really are.
The ANTs say you haven't changed, yet just a few posts ago you told us you have. You recognize the change FFS gave you, and you said you are happy with how it turned out.

So how is that not making progress?

Recognize the ANTs for what they are. They are negative thoughts that are not based on facts or evidence. Confront them with facts and evidence. You said you are not moving forward, yet you have plans for surgery in a few months. What is that? Evidence that you are moving forward.

You also throw around a lot of what-ifs. What if I can't? But what if you can?
What if it doesn't happen? Well, what if it does?

What-ifs are a no-win situation because you can always flip it over.

I learned this the hard way. Now, I refuse to say "I can't." Because that assumes failure from the beginning, so why try?

Instead, I say, "How can I get this done?" Because that assumes from the beginning that it is at least possible. Then I make a plan and get it done.
 

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

Thanks Lori and I do trry to challenge the thoughts, but I'm honestly struggling. I see a difference between pre FFS for now and that's certain - i fully acknowledge that. I also appreciate that this can take time.

But my biggest challenge is that nothing has changed due to HRT for well over 12 months. I compared two photos 1 year apart where I'm almost naked. Side by side there is no shape change or breast change. The same bras that fit me 12 months ago with a slight gap, still fit noe with a slight gap. My weight has held at 83.3kg +/- .2kg for 12 months plus. I'd love nothing more than to challenge, see, and acknowledge a change. But to do that I'd need to ignore all the above evidence.

I can totally understand both trans and cis puberty is slow. But more than 12 months stasis with nothing happening? Who is going to come forwards and say they had a 12 month dead period after 6 or so months of HRT? I've not seen or heard of such a halt, so early in HRT. That's why I feel alone - ive no one to share this experience with. Every single person i come across has advanced further in 12 months, in terms or HRT effects. What's wrong with my body?

As i said i can tolerate waiting, but i can't tolerate no changes when 99.9% of people are getting changes. I'm now moving into the slow part of HRT where less chages are expected.  But never had the big changes.

[Devlyn ✅]

Charlotte, I've been here forever. I've seen people boasting of DD growth, announce that their transition is complete, they no longer associate with the transgender community, and leave. I've seen those same people come back years later, announce that their Endo was a quack, and that they never got more than AA growth.

The world is full of nice people. It's also full of lying psychos. All you can do is be your own personal best. Everything starts with self acceptance. You're clearly not there yet. Accept yourself and the world will follow your lead. 🙂

Hugs, Devlyn