First gender affirming care appointment

[Simplycause]

This past Christmas between my wife working longer shifts and having some vacation time to burn before the end of the year I almost pulled the trigger a couple of times on a gender affirming care visit at health department in a neighboring state and...for what ever reason I just didn't.

I'm fairly masculine looking, heavy (grey now) beard. Last year I went to the liquor store and going in some one handed me a little shot glass and goes, you look like this bourbon tastes. Which, I don't really knows what that means but I said thank you, took the shot and ended up buying a bottle...but that's the non femme me...and I'm self conscious in the current climate that I may be perceived as more of a threat then someone looking for gender affirming care.

I looked into FOLX and uhm Plume but I'm not sold on paying a subscription to access treatment.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on how to do an in person visit being self conscious about not looking feminine enough

[Lori Dee ✅]

During my first visit to my Primary doctor, I was dressed in my male clothing, baseball cap, and a full beard. I told her I was interested in learning about FHT (Feminizing Hormone Therapy). She didn't bat an eye and wrote up a referral to Mental Health. Since I was already seeing a psychologist there, it was merely to notify him that I wanted to better understand my gender identity.

Since he already knew me and what we had discussed beforehand, he diagnosed Gender Dysphoria during that session. From there, the referral returned to my Primary with the diagnosis, and my Primary then referred me to Endocrinology to begin hormone therapy.

About one or two check-ups later, I asked my Primary about facial hair removal. She sent me back to my psychologist, who confirmed that my beard was a major trigger for my dysphoria, and the request got approved.

Most providers have had training in handling transgender patients. They are never shocked by it. They understand that your gender has nothing to do with how you currently look. The very fact that you want to change how you look to fit your gender is the very definition of gender dysphoria.

Don't worry about how you present when you are inquiring. They will understand that you are just trying to get started.

[Dances With Trees]

I can relate your anxiety, Simplycause. My first gender affirming medical appointment was with Planned Parenthood in Missoula, MT a little more than a year ago. I must have walked around the entire block three times before I got up enough nerve to push the button. The place was heavily fortified: bullet proof glass, steel doors, and I felt so intimidated. I'm hard of hearing (old) and couldn't understand the receptionist through all the protective structures but I went in the direction she was waving me towards. A few minutes later, I was in the company and under the care of the most accepting and supportive people I've ever met inside a medical facility. And, for the first time in my life, I heard my name spoken aloud by a real person (not that the people inside Susan's aren't real, but it's difficult to make eye contact with any of them). I hope you have a similar experience.

[KathyLauren]

Hi, SimplyCause, nice to meet you.

I understand the nervousness.  I shaved off my beard the day after I told my wife that I thought I was trans.  It was the beginning of summer, so I didn't have to explain that on to anyone.  But when I went to my doctor to ask her for a referral to a gender therapist, hoo boy, I was some nervous!

I was still fully presenting as male when I went to the therapist's intake interview.  But, having gotten through my doctor's interview, it was a bit easier.  And that's the thing: it does get easier each time. 

I didn't like how long it was going to take to see the therapist in the public system, so I decided to cough up the bucks to go private.  So, another interview.  By this time, I was much more relaxed.  After a couple of visits to her in male mode, I started dressing more androgynously.

You don't have to look feminine, especially when you are just starting.  The professionals get it: they have seen it all before.  If you think you are nervous now, imaging how hard it would be to go presenting as female, in public.  No one expects that, initially, so don't worry about it.  Save yourself the stress.  Relax.  Be yourself.  You won't be judged on your dress and deportment.

They will want to know why you think you might be trans.  That's all.

Good luck!