Hey Everyone 💜

[Trixity]

It's been about 19 years since I first introduced myself here. I don't have access to that old account anymore, but the post is still up (feels so strange finding it again after all this time), it also happens to be that my name now is the same name I chose all those years ago.

I just wanted to say thank you, because back then this forum really helped me. Was never super active, mostly just lurking, reading, and learning from others, but it meant a lot to have a place where I felt understood.

Back then, I had already started coming out. It went well with my mom, but not so well with my dad's side of the family. After their reaction, I ended up stepping back into the closet that same year. I never really got the chance to fully live as myself.

16 years later, at the end of 2023, I finally started therapy, because I just couldn't bear the dysphoria anymore. Since then, I've been living as my true self. I've been on HRT since mid 2024 and I'm currently on track for SRS possibly end of this year or beginning of next.

So I guess this is a bit of a re-introduction and a thank you at the same time. Coming back here feels a little like coming full circle. I'm really glad to be back, this time as me. Although, I'm not sure if I ever really left.

~ Kim

[Charlotte_Ringwood ✅]

Hey Kim,

I'm Charlotte😻 and I'm pleased to welcome you back to Susan's Place after your time away!

Thank you for your post here. I loved reading your about your journey which certainly started off a bit rocky with you stepping back from your transitioning ideals. That for sure must have been tough.

But I'm glad to hear that 2023 then 2024 HRT were your big years and that since then you are becoming your true self.

I and the wider team and members are sure pleased to have you back. We can't wait to hear more about your journey and plans when you are ready.

I'll provide the full intro below as things may have changed!

We strive to make this a safe space where you can be yourself without judgement. A place to find information but also share your own thoughts, feelings and observations. No matter who you are, you are always welcome at Susan's Place.

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Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL-AGES  PUBLIC  Forum and the internet never forgets.
Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

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Pay special attention to the links in RED.

When you reach 15 posts, you will be able to send and reply to private messages and you will also be able to add an avatar to your profile, until then if you have any questions about the Susan's Place site and the Forums, please feel free to contact, the Forum Admin Danielle Northern Star Girl at alaskandanielle@yahoo.com.

Once again, welcome to Susan's Place!

Kind regards,
Charlotte😻
(Forum Staff)

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@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee @Sarah B

[tgirlamg]

Welcome Back Kim!!! 👋👩💕

Kudos on your brave steps forward to claim the things that will bring peace, meaning and connection to the soul within! I look forward to hearing all the wonderful ways your life opens up and blooms for you in days to come! 🌸

Onward Brave Sister!

Ashley 💕

[Dawn Kellie]

Hello
Welcome back

[Lori Dee ✅]

Hello, Kim.

Welcome back!

We lost a lot of accounts when the site crashed two years ago. The fact that you can see your old posts means yours survived! That gives you options:

You can recover your old account through a password reset.
You can keep this account and have all your old posts moved to it.
Or, ignore the old account and just proceed from here with a fresh start.

Whatever you decide, you will need to email Danielle, our Forum Administrator, to let her know how you would like to proceed. Her email is:
AlaskanDanielle@yahoo.com

She will ask you for information to identify the old account and verify that you are its owner. Do not post any of that information here.

Danielle can make it all happen for you because she is magical.

I will tag her here so she knows to expect to hear from you. Welcome back!

@Trixity
@Northern Star Girl
@Sarah B
@Charlotte_Ringwood

[ChrissyRyan]

Welcome back!


   Enjoy each of your visits here Kim! 


Chrissy

[Trixity]

Thank you all for the warm welcomes. I suppose since I also did deadname myself on that post, I'd rather keep it where it was. While I don't mind it being there, it can also remain in the past. 💜

The journey has been quite rocky, with loads of time just spent on work and doing anything to keep myself out of my own head. With COVID forcing lockdowns, while not losing my job, it wasn't one where I could work remotely. Not having that out and keeping me in a zone, I spiraled. I've lived by myself since I was 18. I have grown to be mostly a realist, part-time pessimist about life and emotionally blunt. So cutting off half of my family, when I finally decided that I want to live and don't owe anyone anything besides myself, felt easy and good.

Just a massive relief. Now with 36 going on 37, I can finally feel again. And it's just so freeing.

~ Kim

[Pema]

Hi, Kim. It's good to meet you. Welcome back!

[Alana Ashleigh]

Hi Kim,

Welcome back

Alana

[Sarah B ✅]

Hi Kim

My name is Sarah and I would also like to formally, Welcome you Back to Susan's Place!

I see that other members of Susan's have also welcomed you back as well.  Reading your post really does feel like coming home full circle.

As Lori said, there was a major crash just over two years ago and around five years of posts and accounts were lost.  If anything, Danielle might be able to help you in this area.

Thank you for sharing your story so openly, it takes a lot of courage in doing so.  This part especially stood out for me:

The journey has been quite rocky, with loads of time just spent on work and doing anything to keep myself out of my own head.  With COVID forcing lockdowns, while not losing my job, it wasn't one where I could work remotely.  Not having that out and keeping me in a zone, I spiraled.  I've lived by myself since I was 18.  I have grown to be mostly a realist, part-time pessimist about life and emotionally blunt.  So cutting off half of my family, when I finally decided that I want to live and don't owe anyone anything besides myself, felt easy and good.

Just a massive relief.  Now with 36 going on 37, I can finally feel again.  And it's just so freeing.

What I hear in this is years of survival mode.  Keeping busy to stay out of your own head, COVID removing the routines that helped you cope, long-term independence turning into emotional armour, then finally reaching the point where you chose yourself.  That moment of deciding I want to live is powerful.  Sometimes cutting ties is not about anger.  It is about preserving your life.  The relief you describe makes complete sense after carrying that weight for so long and the fact that you can finally feel again says everything.

I was 30 when I changed my life around.  By my maths you lost about 17 years, but here we are in February 2026 and you are still young.  You have already started HRT, you are living as yourself and you even have possible SRS coming up later this year or early next.  That is huge.  You will come through shining in your delayed journey.

You are also right when you say you never really left.  I am the same.  I first came to Susan's Place in 2010, left in 2012, then about two years ago I came back.  It honestly felt like I had never left at all.

Between the ages of 20 and 30 my longing to become a female grew stronger and stronger, although I did not struggle as such.  Life continued and eventually I changed my life around and finally I also felt free.  What I am trying to say is your journey is very similar to mine and that you are not the only one who struggles with ones journey.

Cutting ties where you had to, choosing yourself, finally allowing yourself to feel again.  That takes strength, even if it feels simple in the moment.  Sometimes survival looks quiet and practical.  Sometimes it looks like finally breathing.

I also cut ties with my family and they did not know about me, where I went and why I left them.  Yet a friend I know with similar circumstances did the same, left their family to be able to live as themselves.  In doing so I flourished.

I am really glad you found your way back here, as yourself.  Wishing you all the best as your life continues to open up, especially as you move forward on HRT and toward surgery.

You deserve the peace that comes with living honestly as yourself.

Once you feel comfortable here, it would be appreciated if you add a little bit more about yourself in the other forums and threads.   I would appreciate it very much as, I'm always interested in learning something new about new members

In addition members of Susan's will more than likely discuss problems or issues that are similar to yours as most have experienced these issues as well.

Please keep in mind when posting that this is an ALL AGES PUBLIC Forum and the internet never forgets.   Do not post anything that you do not want to be made public.

Take care and all the best for the future.

Once again, Welcome Back to Susan's Place!

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Devlyn  @Jessica_Rose  @Mariah  @Northern Star Girl  @Lori Dee @Charlotte_Ringwood @Trixity