Hi again Petunia,
Yes, I feel that. It took me a long time to reduce my fear enough to wear a peplum blouse. My story might resonate with you. I wore panties under my clothes for months as my only feminine change. Next I had expressed an interest in getting my ears pierced to my wife, but not because of the female aspect. She thought it sounded good, so for months I wore stud earrings, gradually going from plain metal to tiny gems (glass) so ever so slightly larger. Then I was clear nail polish, one coat, not very shiny.
That's all I did for about a year but the pull to do more was really strong and everyone was ok with this, both those close to me and the many right-wing conservatives that live in my city.
The progression continued for another year. Incremental changes. Subtle but advancing, bigger and bolder, me terrified at each step. I shaved my legs in winter only and then started keeping them shaved. About 9 months of that.
My world stayed steady. I needed MORE and started makeup, only foundation that matched my skin.
It accelerated and my body craved more authenticity. Then I couldn't fight myself. Within six more months I was wearing all female clothes that no longer passed as male. Cute blouses. Female-coded colors. My first day in tights. Much more makeup and jewelry. I changed my pronouns to they/them publicly. On days when I expected to not see many people at work, I wore pumps. All my shoes are feminine now. I joined a trans group in town (amazing that we have one) and changed into rn femme in the car before racing into the safety of the building. I felt so right in a skirt, heels, wig, and dress forms.
I'm not done wanting more.
