Krista’s Celebrations and Doubts

[KristaFairchild]

I've shown her a few posts but she doesn't want to read to much about the subject
 

I can hazard a few guesses as to why. What do you think, if I may ask?

[Valerie.Val]

Hey @KristaFairchild thank you for the inspiring report of that pride day, gives me a lot of hope!

About your HRT, so we actually started around the same time and can compare notes Like you, I can't see how my HRT should unlock even more emotions. Then again I've numbed down a lot and the more positive feelings have returned since I know I'm Val. Here's hoping those intensify!

@Petunia indeed spending time here is good for the soul. Be around people who share the same problems, hopes, and dreams.

[KristaFairchild]

About your HRT, so we actually started around the same time and can compare notes Like you, I can't see how my HRT should unlock even more emotions. Then again I've numbed down a lot and the more positive feelings have returned since I know I'm Val. Here's hoping those intensify!

I love this idea! I had to look to make sure it was my blog we were in so I wouldn't take over someone else's with our conversation!


I think most of the effects of HRT so far I've been psychological. Like I've crossed an important bridge in my journey. Because of that, I was finally able to say openly and often that I am trans. I used to debate this with myself at length.

I found I quit obsessing over what clothes I wear and what clothes I buy - Because in the past, I was always pushing towards being more feminine while also resisting it because of fear. Today I'm in a pretty skirt and a lacy blouse and the world has not blown up.  

I'm just as emotional as I always was, no more and no less. 

Sometimes I think my skin feels a little bit softer. 

The most interesting change may also be psychological, but I'm not sure. For months before starting on hormones, I felt sexually dead. The change hasn't been dramatic but something is waking up and it feels really healthy.  

Sometimes I think something is happening with my breast, but I'm totally convinced that psychological. It's still kind of fun! 

Do any of these experiences resonate with you? Or are you having some different feelings emerge? Or physical changes?

I don't recall how old you are but at age 64, I'm not expecting a lot of physical changes for a while and even then I expect them to be minor. I hear the stories of exceptions, but I'm very much a data person. Science and education have literally been my life's work.

Please share back! 

[Courtney G]

Krista, congratulations in advance on your 1 month HRT anniversary!

I think you'll be quite surprised at the number of changes that occur and the effect they have on you. I started in the second half of my 50s and my skin is super smooth, body hair completely rearranged, muscles dissolved, face changed, regrew a LOT of scalp hair, moods all over the place, ability to cry increased tenfold, body shape changes (clothes fit way differently) and many other small but noticeable things.

I hope you experience some or all of these changes and I hope you find them as delightful as I have. My breast growth alone was worth the price of admission but there were so many other changes, all of which felt affirming to me.

[KristaFairchild]

Courtney, I really hope I get half that! At least I've finally figured out how to get the patches to stick! Lol

[davina61]

Yes they creep up on you, even my forearms that are battered by years of working on cars are soft and body hair is almost gone. 2 weeks since I shaved what little chest hair I have left and its barely a stubble now.

[Valerie.Val]

I love this idea! I had to look to make sure it was my blog we were in so I wouldn't take over someone else's with our conversation!

Do any of these experiences resonate with you? Or are you having some different feelings emerge? Or physical changes?

I only started 3 days ago so you got a little headstart!

The only thing I noticed so far is a little lightheadedness an hour after applying the gel, but that quickly passes and is supposed to no longer happen after 2 weeks or something.

[KristaFairchild]

Yes they creep up on you, even my forearms that are battered by years of working on cars are soft and body hair is almost gone. 2 weeks since I shaved what little chest hair I have left and its barely a stubble now.

Wow...that's wonderful! Sometimes I think my body knew before the rest of me. While I long for breasts and glare at my my penis, I've always had slender arms. I was driving recently and saw woman's arms and hands on the steering wheel - one of those little moments that bring tears to my eyes. My legs are pretty nice and most women are jealous of my nails. I've never had much body hair, almost none above my waist. 

I take astragalus and was told by a friend in medicine that it helped him grow hair. Sometimes I think it's doing that. I used to have a mass of curls, but I've lost a lot of hair on top. Maybe HRT is helping? 

No physical effects are certain after a month. 

[Petunia]

Hi Valerie,
Can I ask what your starting dose is and where you are applying it.

Just asking for a friend.

[Valerie.Val]

Dear @Petunia! Why of course dear - since it's for a friend

I'm using a gel and have been instructed to start daily with 2 doses. That's a total of 2.5 g gel, = 1.5 mg Estradiol.
If that goes well I'm supposed to go up to 3 doses next week, 3.75 g gel, 2.25 mg Estradiol. Nowadays apparently they do not add testo blockers from the start, since monotherapy is often equally effective in bringing testo down to zero. I apply it to my upper arm, shoulders and belly - spread it as wide as possible. Upper tigh works, too. You're not supposed to put it on your breast.

@KristaFairchild mind if I ask, what is your dose? After 3 days I already feel my brain fog is clearing, this is such a wonderful feeling. I've suffered from permanent brain fog for many years.

hugs, Valerie

[Petunia]

Second question, what was your starting T level.

My friends is quite high.

She has 965 ng/dl

[KristaFairchild]

Dear @Petunia! Why of course dear - since it's for a friend

I'm using a gel and have been instructed to start daily with 2 doses. That's a total of 2.5 g gel, = 1.5 mg Estradiol.
If that goes well I'm supposed to go up to 3 doses next week, 3.75 g gel, 2.25 mg Estradiol. Nowadays apparently they do not add testo blockers from the start, since monotherapy is often equally effective in bringing testo down to zero. I apply it to my upper arm, shoulders and belly - spread it as wide as possible. Upper tigh works, too. You're not supposed to put it on your breast.

@KristaFairchild mind if I ask, what is your dose? After 3 days I already feel my brain fog is clearing, this is such a wonderful feeling. I've suffered from permanent brain fog for many years.

hugs, Valerie

I'm at 1.0 estradiol in a patch

[KristaFairchild]

I've finally started to normalize wearing skirts both at home (with the fears around my kids and wife) and in public (in my ultra conservative area) and I LOVE IT! Skirts feel like freedom and recognition of myself. Long ones, midis, knee length, even a jean miniskirt that I adore. Playful, serious, often with large flowers. 

But now when I'm in public I can't pee. I COULD, but the bathroom choose is killing me. 

I'm not in my wig and forms (yet?!) so even in a skirt, I am perceived to be male. Walking into the women's in my conservative area is fully legal, but carries risks. I tell myself I can dart into a stall and back out, but I'm not doing it. 

Yet in the skirt I feel so delightfully female that I can't bear to use the men's. 

Most stores etc. do not have a single stall restroom or an all gender restroom. I'll try to learn where they are. 

I nearly had an accident yesterday. I need to revolve this. 

[Maid Marion]

https://www.refugerestrooms.org/about 🔗

I noticed the local CVS has an all gender restroom.

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I still find going to the ladies very scary and mostly hold it until I get home or find a quiet bathroom somewhere. I hate coming out of the cubicle into an occupied space too. Not sure what the answer is in the current climate as its hard to be calm about it. I have a key to use disabled bathrooms in the UK and prefer that above everything.

[KristaFairchild]

https://www.refugerestrooms.org/about 🔗

I noticed the local CVS has an all gender restroom.

What an amazing website! Trader Joe's, Walmart, Target, the mall, and a couple of gas stations. And of course NorCal OUTreach. 

I never thought to look for such a website. I'm so grateful! 🥹

[KristaFairchild]

At this stage, my appearance matters. I hope and assume there will be a day when I feel feminine regardless of what I wear, but right now I feel dysphoric in certain outfits. The worst are my outdoor outfits for hiking and disc golf. 

I typically wear cute women's shorts - shorter than men's and often pink - with a little makeup and a pink ball cap to protect my head. I'll add tiny earrings sometimes. My nails are always done. I'm forced to wear ugly old shoes due to the rough trails and endless Velcro seeds. 

I'll spend a day like this and come home feeling off. Not feeling Krista. 

Yesterday my tennis skirt arrived in the mail. Plain gray, simple smooth elastic waistband, just above the knee, with pockets. 

I wore a deeper v-neck casual top than usual and went with larger, light, dangly boho earrings. My nails are in Zoya Haruka, a lovely pastel violet. I added a tiny blue star necklace. I chose obvious eyeliner and did my brows. 

Problem solved. Even when hanging out with two male buddies who have known me as male - usually a recipe for burying Krista -I felt more like myself. 

We bumped into two people on the trail that one guy knew. I had my head down, but...I was summed to be his wife! Upon lifting my head and introducing myself as a friend, they did not "correct" my gender. I'm grateful they read the feminine signals more than my face. 

[Lori Dee ✅]

It's nice to get a little reward like that after all the work we put in.

[Stottie Girl]

At this stage, my appearance matters. I hope and assume there will be a day when I feel feminine regardless of what I wear, but right now I feel dysphoric in certain outfits. The worst are my outdoor outfits for hiking and disc golf.

I typically wear cute women's shorts - shorter than men's and often pink - with a little makeup and a pink ball cap to protect my head. I'll add tiny earrings sometimes. My nails are always done. I'm forced to wear ugly old shoes due to the rough trails and endless Velcro seeds.

I'll spend a day like this and come home feeling off. Not feeling Krista.

Yesterday my tennis skirt arrived in the mail. Plain gray, simple smooth elastic waistband, just above the knee, with pockets.

I wore a deeper v-neck casual top than usual and went with larger, light, dangly boho earrings. My nails are in Zoya Haruka, a lovely pastel violet. I added a tiny blue star necklace. I chose obvious eyeliner and did my brows.

Problem solved. Even when hanging out with two male buddies who have known me as male - usually a recipe for burying Krista -I felt more like myself.

We bumped into two people on the trail that one guy knew. I had my head down, but...I was summed to be his wife! Upon lifting my head and introducing myself as a friend, they did not "correct" my gender. I'm grateful they read the feminine signals more than my face.

I guess it may be too hot where you are but over here Hiking leggings are the ultimate in femme outdoor wear. They look sooo cool. I'm not even hiking as Sarah and I bought myself a good quality pair of teal hiking leggings. pair that with hiking boots, wool socks rolled over the top of your boots and a nice tight fitting sweat wicking outdoor top. Chic!