Almost daily I'm taking meaningful steps forward. Slow steps are behind me and the feelings of relief and freedom remind me that I've been under stress for years.
In the last month...
- I started wearing dresses to work.
- My wife gave her 100% approval ❤️
- Then I added the big steps of wig and breast forms and red lipstick
- (And I looked fabulous 🤣❤️🔥💋)
- I hit the big stage as myself at our full staff meeting of 400 people
- Appeared on the news, talking about the meteor shower. Viewable by half a million people. The lighting was awful but it was worth it to be OUT.
- TODAY I went to our annual Kickoff Meeting with my department, fully as Krista. These are the folks I see the most, about 25 people. Most had seen me but not had a chance to speak to me at the full staff meeting. The ones who know me best, are very affirming, or very brave, asked me respectful questions. After a couple hours I saw an opportunity to interject. I announced my name and pronouns and thanked people for their support. There were more respectful questions. And since you might want to know...pink pleated v-neck blouse, black, white, and gray knee-length plaid skirt, black leggings, gray ankle boots, moderate makeup (visible blush, false eyelashes, rose-pink lipstick), classy medium silver earrings, tiny silver choker, my signature daily wig, B cup forms). It's always fall or winter in that building!
- TODAY I talked to my twin college-age daughters for the second time about my transition. Said I knew that they had expressed support for my transition two months ago but I was scared to add the wig and forms at home. I shared my love for them, my desire for their respect and support, and my fear of embarrassing them in public. They told me they wanted me to be happy as my authentic self, hugged me tight, and asked to see me in my wig. So I showed them and got smiles.
- On good days I'm starting to believe I look ok. On bad days I'm still showing up as me anyway. Sometimes I feel radiant.
It's like I've been walking through cool, drizzly weather that didn't really bother me, but then the sun came out (with a rainbow 🌈 of course), and the unrecognized stress was gone. If you've lived with low-grade pain for a period of time and had it end suddenly, it was like that.
No more looking at my calendar each the day to decide how far up I could dial Krista. No more taking a Krista outfit in the car once a week so I could transform in the car for my weekly Genderquest meeting. No more waiting for my wife to leave for work before adding my wig. No more being 3/4 me at home. Instead all my clothes are fair game every day. I laugh easier. I walk taller. I feel amazing.
I'm not done of course. But I'm free. I wish I had done it sooner but I couldn't. The internal battle was long, hard, and confusing. My community is red, anti-LGBTQ+, and scary. My support system started out tiny.
I'm glad my slow walk toward joy over the past few years turned into a jog and then a full laughing, hair-streaming-behind-me SPRINT since April.
Anyone in here who clicked "like"
In here helped me. Sometimes I counted them. Anyone who commented - even with one short sentence - bolstered me, probably more than you thought. Those who fully engaged - my dear friends - made a world of difference.
I'm overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. I'm Krista.
