Is full transition really the only sane way to go?

[Sarah B ✅]

Hi Valerie

Re: Is full transition really the only sane way to go?  Only you can decide that for yourself.

There is no single required path and different endpoints can be right for different people.  Even though some people find a middle ground or take a slow incremental route, that was not me.  There was no middle ground for me, no stopping or starting.  I changed my life around quickly by changing my clothes, wearing makeup, doing my hair and going back to work inside of three months.  Yes, I changed my name and documents before I went back to work.  My path was totally different from others who have described their path. 

Do not let anyone pressure you or steer you onto a predetermined path.  Several members have said do not let anyone pressure you into or guide you on a path that is not totally yours.  You have to decide what you want and only you.  If a counsellor is steering you in a direction that does not feel like it is yours then that is a warning sign, because the choices have to be yours. 

"Full transition" means different things to different people and the steps are not automatically bundled together.  People do different combinations of social changes, hormones and surgery.  In my case my path was straightforward and basically it is mentioned in my signature: I changed my life, started hormones, saw psychiatrists and finally had surgery.  Looking back on it I was like one of those speeding bullet trains and yes I am extremely happy in regards to who I am. 

Take things step by step and reassess but understand that step by step can still be fast.  For some, smaller experiments and pauses help them learn what works.  For me it did not look like a slow series of experiments, it looked like moving forward decisively.  Snails pace or speeding bullet type it is up to you and only you, with some help from others, on how you proceed with finding out who you really are. 

Real world trade offs matter and they are personal.  Trade offs?  Well in my case it was leaving my family and friends behind.  They never knew what I was going to do, not even I knew what laid in store for me.  Eventually my family found out and they accept me unconditionally.  It must be said I was not tied down, meaning did I have a partner at the time, no I did not and I guess that also made my journey very easy. 

Personal experiences differ and life after matters.  Some people need the full path including surgery, others find contentment without reaching every endpoint due to preference, access, cost or life circumstances.  My life after?  Well I have done more than I ever did before I changed my life around, but that is given as I was only young at the time so it was more than likely I would achieve more.  Do not get me wrong, I had a successful life before and my life after, partners, study, teaching and family life, my whole life is a part of who I am today.  I have mentioned in several posts that I have never ever regretted what I have done.

Take care and all the best for your future and as Tgirlamg is want to say "Onward Brave Sister!"

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Valerie.Val
@tgirlamg

[Valerie.Val]

Dear @Sarah B thank you for taking the time and sharing your experience. Yes indeed, if I was single I'd push forward with no regrets. But people depend on me, and right now I can't see a good middle ground either. But we'll see.

thank you! <3

[Sarah B ✅]

Hi Valerie

Thank you for your kind words.  Please don't despair there are many members here on Susan's past and present who were or are in a similar situation just like you.  Their experiences cover from total loss to total acceptance (given time).

There is always hope or as they say "if there is a will there is a way"

Best Wishes Always
Sarah B
Global Moderator
@Valerie.Val