Quote from: Valerie.Val on Yesterday at 04:42:48 AM@tammy753 the thing with shame is, it's not ours, originally. Others told us out of ignorance or malevolence, that what we do or what we are is wrong and shameful.
And then we've internalized that. We don't need them any more to feel bad, we can now feel bad on our own, all the time, for all our lives.
I don't want that any more. That's why I'm trying to "externalize" the shame again and give it back to those people who gave it to me in the first place. I don't want it. They can keep it, all their prejudice and hate, and keep on living their very narrow-minded lives.
That's what we all should be doing.
You're great @tammy753 just as you are. You deserve to feel good.
This is important. Shame isn't something we feel intrinsically. It's something other people make us feel. It's someone else telling you that you should feel bad about something, or embarrassed about something, or less than human about something. You only ever feel shame in the eyes of someone else.
What
@Valerie.Val said is right. But it's hard to see that when you're in a place where your self esteem doesn't allow you any sort of self belief or self acceptance at all.
This is what you have to work on, Tammy. It's your self-esteem and the beliefs you hold about yourself. When you think you are the worst of the worst, then whatever people tell you will reinforce that belief. When you trust what other people think about you more than what you think about you, because that voice inside isn't one you want to listen to... it's hard.
But... you also have to try to understand
why someone will make you try to feel this way. And often it has nothing to do with you. When you are someone outside what people are comfortable with, you make them question themselves. Their own view on life. People don't like looking at themselves. It's hard. It's much easier to blame someone else and make them feel bad.
You are on the receiving end of that. But it's not your fault.
Val is right, we don't create shame, we are just subjected to it by the people around us. It's a hard thing to deal with, but you can deal with it, okay? It might take some work... to encourage self-belief. But you are worth it, sweetie. You are. No one should be a prisoner to the whims of the world around them.
I believe in you.
