How to handle the feelings of shame?

[tammy753]

Thanks, I have a new plan that I worked with my therapist on. I will be moving to a new city in a year and a half or so. I am hoping that Colorado is more excepting than where I live now. I need to wait to be able to access my retirement savings in order to move. So that is my goal, having that in my head is helping me.

[Lori Dee ✅]

Thanks, I have a new plan that I worked with my therapist on. I will be moving to a new city in a year and a half or so. I am hoping that Colorado is more excepting than where I live now. I need to wait to be able to access my retirement savings in order to move. So that is my goal, having that in my head is helping me.

Many parts of Colorado are very accepting. Do you have an idea of what part of the state interests you? There are also strong conservative areas. Do your research on issues that matter to you. A VERY GENERAL overview is that Central Colorado south of Denver is more liberal. Northern counties, the western slope, and the eastern plains are more conservative, but those are smaller cities than the big metro areas. Even within those conservative areas are pockets of acceptance, especially near colleges and universities.

[tammy753]

Many parts of Colorado are very accepting. Do you have an idea of what part of the state interests you? There are also strong conservative areas. Do your research on issues that matter to you. A VERY GENERAL overview is that Central Colorado south of Denver is more liberal. Northern counties, the western slope, and the eastern plains are more conservative, but those are smaller cities than the big metro areas. Even within those conservative areas are pockets of acceptance, especially near colleges and universities.

I like to 4x4 and I would like to rekindle my artistic side so I was looking at Pueblo. I am hoping to be able to buy a house out right there and there is a 4x4 club that accepts transwomen so I intend to join that. From what I saw online they have adult art classes and open studio time so it sounds like a place I would like. I will miss trees and stuff but I have a Jeep I can go to the trees.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I like to 4x4 and I would like to rekindle my artistic side so I was looking at Pueblo. I am hoping to be able to buy a house out right there and there is a 4x4 club that accepts transwomen so I intend to join that. From what I saw online they have adult art classes and open studio time so it sounds like a place I would like. I will miss trees and stuff but I have a Jeep I can go to the trees.

I've been in Pueblo for a year now. They do have a lot for the arts scene and are quite accepting. The Pueblo Pride event was awesome.

I am looking to move further west to get closer to the mountains. There just isn't much available out that way. But I continue to look.

[tammy753]

I have seen a lot of houses for sale and they are mostly in my budget so in a year and a half I should be able to buy a house. I saw a small yellow one on Zillow that I really want but its too soon to buy anything.

[Jimbo01]

Great thread

I'm a guy on the opposite side of this

I have brothers who are married with kids and from family I get "when are you going to meet someone"

My last girlfriend was trans but it was short and we broke up because I felt I couldn't get past it all...I was a complete and total moron

I understand that now but unfortunately only time can make you really accept things! It is difficult to get past that barrier and anyone who says it isn't hasn't been there

I'm now a guy who is totally open and I've got myself a beer gut lol I need to hit the gym 😉

[Jimbo01]

I can't say I have ever felt shame over who I am. You should never feel ashamed of who you are Tammy. If people are deliberately making you feel like that, then they are the wrong sort of people to be around and you should remove them from your life wherever possible.

Of course I am terrified of not being accepted, I look in the mirror sometimes and think "who am I kidding?", I'm scared of not being able to remotely pass at all, it's what has stopped and still does stop me from living the life I am meant to. I think nearly all of us have these feelings, but you should not feel shame. This is not a peversion, you were born this way and nobody has the right to make you feel small because of it.

This is a good mantra to live by if you ask me. If only I could pluck up the courage to act on it!

Guess what? Teenage girls go through that phase too. We all go through a gawky phase where we look embarrassingly bad but it takes time to find your style, your make up look, to achieve a feminine body. I believe I have got to a point where I might, visually at least, have a stab at passing but it has taken me years.

You will work through these feelings, You will find your inner woman and your style. It might seem like an impossible mountain to climb but you will get there, so many others before us have proven that.

Great post

I've suffered with low self esteem all my life - I just carry on and ignore it

This is going to sound so stupid but I have a supermarket opposite my place (Sainsbury's for anyone in the UK!) and I used to worry about going over in my usual daily, grotty t-shirts and shorts...I just started going over there anyway in my grotty t-shirts and shorts

Noone cared

The UK is so class obsessed but anyone that looked at me and would have criticised I didn't see and I didn't care anyway

The point is...just go for it. A couple of bad looks =  if you do small trips out then it will build up your confidence to the point where you don't care anyway

[Stottie Girl]

Great post

I've suffered with low self esteem all my life - I just carry on and ignore it

This is going to sound so stupid but I have a supermarket opposite my place (Sainsbury's for anyone in the UK!) and I used to worry about going over in my usual daily, grotty t-shirts and shorts...I just started going over there anyway in my grotty t-shirts and shorts

Noone cared

The UK is so class obsessed but anyone that looked at me and would have criticised I didn't see and I didn't care anyway

The point is...just go for it. A couple of bad looks =  if you do small trips out then it will build up your confidence to the point where you don't care anyway

It's having the courage to just not care what people think.

Something I do not have unfortunately.

I'm terrified of someone outing me in public, I'm paranoid of getting comments and abuse or worse. The climate in the UK feels like it has shifted. It feels like it has empowered those haters and the world seems a far less safe place. At least that is what is in my mind. In reality it is probably nothing of the sort. THere will be be those who do not like trans people but most British people aren't very likely to say anything to your face or be confrontational.

For me, I want to be able to pass so that I avoid these sorts of issues altogether. It may be possible it may not be but until I feel I am as convincingly female as I can be I think I will stay in the closet probably another year of voice training, electrolysis and hairline transplant and I will be unleashed onto an unsuspecting public!

[ChrissyRyan]

I do not experience any shame after I got clarity that I am honest about my thoughts, and that I was born with the wrong body.  My transitioning has had its uplifts and downs, its highs and lows, and its frustrating and super enjoyable times.

I do still question if maybe someday I might detransition but I sure do not wish to at this time.  I am finally happy that I can be myself almost all the time, and the other times when I must put on a facade it is because I choose to for what are good reasons in my mind.

Have a nice weekend!


Chrissy