Partial Penectomy

[Mybestlife]

Hi I'm new here but I just wanted to introduce myself as I have just been discussing having a partial Penectomy with my boyfriend who is very keen for me to go ahead. I've already had a quote from a surgeon based in Mexico and it seems pretty straightforward. The whole visible shaft of my penis would be amputated leaving me with a small opening for urination and ejaculation. I've been through the necessary counselling to ensure I'm mentally prepared for the changes but I'm assured by my boyfriend we will get through the post surgical trauma and difficulties. Fortunately my boyfriend is bisexual and has a regular girlfriend so he will still have his sexual demands satisfied by her in the short term but I know he's really keen to be having sex with me as soon as possible after the op and I need him too!
Just wondering if any other members have had a voluntary partial Penectomy?

[NancyDrew1930]

I haven't but just remember it is only you who can know whether it is right.  Don't let someone else push you into doing something you're not ready for.

[Mybestlife]

Actually you have a point there - but the pushing has come more from the medical profession when I've asked about this - many places I've approached have suggested I go for a zero depth vaginaplasty instead as this would enable retention of vital sensitivities from the penis and make orgasm much easier. I'm not really in favour of this option though as it would mean having a lot more surgery. Not to mention much greater cost which I am not sure Sam (my boyfriend) would be able to bear.

[KristaFairchild]

I'll add that although I often feel pressure to do things now, I can be patient. I wonder what cost is if you decide you want more surgery a few years from now Or does this surgery prevent those options?

[Lori Dee ✅]

Hello mybestlife,

I'm Lori Dee. Welcome to Susan's Place!

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@Mybestlife
@Sarah B
@Charlotte Kitty
@Northern Star Girl

[Stottie Girl]

Actually you have a point there - but the pushing has come more from the medical profession when I've asked about this - many places I've approached have suggested I go for a zero depth vaginaplasty instead as this would enable retention of vital sensitivities from the penis and make orgasm much easier. I'm not really in favour of this option though as it would mean having a lot more surgery. Not to mention much greater cost which I am not sure Sam (my boyfriend) would be able to bear.

Hello mybestlife, welcome to Susan's! I'm Sarah, a closeted 50 year old transwoman from the UK.

I think I might be coming to this late but what is your actual goal here? Are you currently living or want to live your life as a woman? If so, I do not believe that a penectomy is the right thing to do straight away. I know most of us cannot wait to be rid of the damn thing but this is an extreme early measure and once you do it, there can be no switching to a vaginoplasty I think. If you take a slightly slower path with hormones and let them work their magic, you may find you do not even want an operation at all. My penis is totally different to what it was. HRT makes it softer, smaller, it behaves differently, it becomes more sensitive in a good way.

Can I ask are you on HRT? What makes you think that you wouldn't be able to achieve orgasm after a vaginoplasty? I am pre op and I can truthfullly say, after an initial dip, my orgasms now are night and day better than what I had previously, they are mind blowing full body orgasms in fact. From what I understand the vast majority of women find that they are fully orgasmic after surgery. A lot of the scare stories I think come from days gone by compared to the modern surgical methods.

The surgery looks daunting at first but the more you actually read about it, the more you realise that it's only really bad for the first month or so and after that things just get steadily better and better. What is a few months of your life in the grand sceme of things? It sounds like you have a supportive partner to help you though any surgery. And a min depth vaginoplasty is a far easier recovery and with PPT it is possible to create a full depth vagina if you change your mind. A penectomy is still major surgery by the way, it's not like getting your tonsils out!

I'm not trying to talk you out of it perse, only you can know what is right for you but are you sure you have given it full thought? A penectomy limits your future options.

Sarah xx

[Charlotte Kitty ✅]

I've not had one, but from exploring options regarding GRS surgery I'm aware that our choice of surgery is a balance of a few things. What will meet our emotional needs, so affirmation and such? What will be our potential sexual requirements now and in the future? Complexity of the operation- simpler ops are cheaper and far more risk free.

I'd imagine Penectomy is at the much simpler, safer and cheaper end of affirming surgeries. You'd have to consider these benefits alongside your emotional requirements and sexual requirements. If these are satisfied and you feel totally comfortable, then its a good option. Of course the other options are do nothing or various  GRS  surgeries.  Its really down to you to assess what you really want and the risk/budgetary constraints which  also sometimes don't align with your own feelings. Feel free to put your thinking down here if you feel comfortable as can help work things through.

Charlotte 😻

[Mybestlife]

First of all many thanks to all who have taken the time to put forward their thoughts about my dilemma. So pleased to have found this community! To answer Sarah's question about HRT the answer is no I'm not at that stage and no I'm not living any part of my life as a woman apart from dressing up for my boyfriend before we have sex which he enjoys enormously. Or does that mean I do have leanings to being a woman? Again I'm confused quite a lot over all this! Any suggestions would be very welcome.

[Stottie Girl]

My honest thoughts are you might be trans, you might not be. One thing that is clear to me is that you need to take a breath and explore the possibility before rushing headlong into life changing surgeries. If it turns out you are trans and have done something irreversible to your body you will regret it for the rest of your life.

A good therapist who has experience of gender issues will be able to help you sort through your feelings. You do not need to be in such a rush. Once you have talked through your feelings and if the conclusion is that you want o explore your feminimity then HRT would be the next logical step. Once the changes start to happen you should know for sure whether you are on the right path and early on you can still reverse the changes if it is not for you.

I am currently pre op. I know that I do want GRS but HRT has meant that for me I am in no rush for surgery. Once I felt relief from the constant erections, morning wood, the testosterone urges, my mind totally calmed down and I was able to re-assess what I wanted. Back then I wanted the thing gone as soon as possible but now the main reason I want surgery is so I can wear tight active wear or swimsuits. To be able to be in womens changing spaces and look completely female.

It might not be for you of course, only you will know but before you jump in to surgery with both feet. Get somebody proffesional who can help you look at all the options and possibilities.

We are always available to help you talk this through if you need us but we aren't gender therapists at the end of the day.

I see you are in the UK so the NHS route, while free, is a joke in terms of waiting lists but there are private gender specailists in the UK, groups like Gendercare for example can help you all the way through your journey and bypass the NHS altogether or enter into a shared care agreement with your GP.

I hope some of that is useful to you. I'm not judging, I just think you owe it to yourself to stop and look at the possibilities.

Sarah xx

[Lori Dee ✅]

@Stottie Girl

I think you missed the part in her first post where she said that she has been through the necessary counseling to get the surgery. My understanding is that she is not wondering if she should get it, but has anyone here been through the experience who can provide some insight.

[KathyLauren]

I wonder what cost is if you decide you want more surgery a few years from now Or does this surgery prevent those options?

The surgery that @Mybestlife is suggesting would indeed preclude a normal zero-depth vaginoplasty at a later time.  Vaginoplasty (whether zero-depth or full-depth) uses skin from the penis and scrotum to form the vulva, and it uses part of the glans to form the clitoris.  If further surgery is a consideration, I would recommend against following this path.

[Lori Dee ✅]

I've already had a quote from a surgeon based in Mexico and it seems pretty straightforward... I've been through the necessary counselling to ensure I'm mentally prepared for the changes

Although our members are trying to be helpful by sharing their collective knowledge and experience, I think many are missing the point. Surely the counselor and surgeon have discussed all the options with @Mybestlife to help her make the decision.

Her question was

Just wondering if any other members have had a voluntary partial Penectomy?

Let's stay on topic for this forum and answer the question rather than discussing alternatives.

[Stottie Girl]

@Stottie Girl

I think you missed the part in her first post where she said that she has been through the necessary counseling to get the surgery. My understanding is that she is not wondering if she should get it, but has anyone here been through the experience who can provide some insight.

Perhaps I have Lori.

I'm not trying to be negative but she has expressed a doubt over whether she could be trans or not. I did ask has she thought through everything and I would have thought the question of whether she could be trans should have been thoroughly investigated by the counsellor but judging by the response it may not have been.

Maybe I should just shut up. I don't really know enough about the reasons why someone would want a penectomy without being trans.

Sorry if I've caused anyone any offense, as I said in my posts, I'm not trying to talk her out of it only trying to work out why she wanted it and whether she had thought through all her options. I am only trying to help if I can.

[Susan ✅]

Hi Mybestlife,

I'm Susan, I founded Susan's place. I want to welcome, and thank you for trusting us with something this personal on your very first day. That takes some nerve, and I'm glad you found us.

Before anything else, I want to be clear about one thing: whatever you decide, you are welcome here. Surgery or no surgery, trans or still figuring it out, fast or slow, none of that changes whether you belong with us. You already do.

I want to gently lay a couple of things on the table. Not to talk you out of anything, because what happens to your body is yours to decide, and I mean that completely, but because you said yourself, more than once, that you're confused about some of this. I'd rather you have the whole picture in front of you than a neat answer that skips past it.

The first is permanence. Removing the visible shaft also removes most of the tissue that carries sensation, and it closes the door on the options your surgeons raised with you. That's not anyone here saying you've picked wrong. It's just making sure you're holding the full weight of what's reversible and what isn't, because once it's done it's done.

The second is the part where you wrote that you're not sure whether you have leanings toward being a woman. That's not a small aside, and it's worth sitting with before any irreversible steps, not after. Counselling that clears you for a specific operation isn't always the same as the slower, open-ended work of sorting out who you are, and there's no clock on that work. You're allowed to take a breath.

Stottie — I want to say this plainly, where you can see it: you have nothing to apologize for, and please don't shut up. You were listening to her as a person rather than to the surgery, and that's exactly the kind of care this place is for. Everything you said was offered in good faith, and it showed.

Mybestlife, I'll end where I started. Whatever path you choose, you're welcome here through all of it: the questions, the changes of mind, the certainty if it comes. We're not gender therapists, as Sarah rightly said, but we're not going anywhere either.

With love and support,
— Susan💜

[Mybestlife]

I've spent some time over the last couple of days reflecting on what everyone has said and I've discussed it at length with my partner. My feeling is that although I do have definite leanings to feminine dressing (something which started when I was in my very early teens) and I feel my penis is just out of place on my body (if that makes sense) I can't get over the enormous step that I would need to take to have full GRS. For that reason I'm going to go ahead with my original plan as it minimizes surgical intervention, I can feel better about myself and I can still maintain my role in the relationship I currently am very happy with. I suppose it might seem like I'm backing out from where maybe I should be going someday but at the moment it seems like it's the "safest" thing for me. I do remember that one of the counsellors I discussed this with said I was probably quite unusual in what I'm going to do (and by the way she felt I was completely aware of all the downsides of this surgery, so had no hesitation in giving her approval), but that doesn't make it wrong for me - I'm just different. Of course I'd welcome any other input anyone on here may wish to offer - particularly regarding post surgical recovery, or indeed anything else I should be thinking about before going ahead.

[Stottie Girl]

I can't really help you with your specific questions relating to surgical recovery etc. But there should be similararities with some of the post GRS girls who might be able to help more generally.

On a personal note I was not trying to talk you out of your surgery previously and I am sorry if you got that impression, as it appears others have done. If you have weighed up all the options and this is the right choice for you then good on you and good luck. I hope all goes well for you. Best of British as we say!

Sarah xx