Editing: I realize that I am ranting but I got quite emotional when writing and thinking about this, so please bear with me...
In this site it is definitely preaching to the choir, but 50 years of denial and suppression does come with a considerable cost and the weight of denial has now been lifted. Without detailing things I can say that it came down to a very clear and very brutal realization about where things were heading for me, and the direction was really (really!) bad. This made me find the courage to finally dig deep inside of me and be brutally honest with myself and admit what I have always known/suspected/feared: That I am not wired like the average person, that I am trans. What an immense relief it was to really accept that for myself and what a feeling to discover that all those weird thoughts, sick behaviours and self-harm disappeared just like magic.
Now, my coming out is still a bit new, just a few months ago and so far only to my wife but her reaction was about as good as you can possibly hope for. I am not totally convinced that she has really understood/accepted that I am a woman but she definitely knows that I am at least partly woman and she is very supportive, even welcoming and encouraging, since she gets the benefits of me being a lot softer, a lot more emotional, so much more in tune with her wants and needs, physically closer, and the list goes on...
As she said: So, you are a girl that likes girls...but you are so much more like you were when we met, the soft and sensitive you that I fell for has come alive and I am in love again.
She loves that really soft me that I have always been deep down, but that had been buried under a ton of "life happened" and accompanying denial/suppression, but is now coming to life again.
Of course, now is now and later is later and I am not (yet) on the transition wagon so I don't make myself any illusions. There's lots of things yet to come, but I/we will cross those bridges when we get to them. So far, I am immensely grateful for her reception and for how super-good I feel.
💕
