Quote from: Finally Anna on Today at 01:46:06 AMJust venting a bit, ranting a bit. As far as I can tell, my wife is behaving much like she normally does so this is not a cry for help or a howling in pain.
How do you do, to just keep living your life? Not letting fear and thoughts take more energy than they should? To not wonder whether your SO is living her/his life without letting fear and thoughts take more energy than they should? To not wonder where the track is heading, which stations that the train stops at and which will just be passed? To embrace the things that make your life happier while not pursuing those that actually don't? To find the balance between the needs of self and those of SO/family/friends? To know what you really need to be true to yourself while not putting unnecessary strain and pain upon others or self? To not do things that hurt others and then later discover that you were wrong about it and you hurt them without cause?
I guess it is just a matter of one day at a time, tread with a bit of caution, and time will tell what needs to be told whether it is positive or negative.
Yes, I will bring this up at the next therapy session.
I want to address this because it is very common, not just for transgender people, but also for intersex people as well.
These questions are valid questions to consider, but they stem from a false premise. They assume that you chose this. That your transitioning is a choice that will inflict pain and suffering on our loved ones.
Will it be tough for people to accept? Of course. But remember that you did not choose this.
Scientific studies all point to one conclusion: We were born this way for whatever reason.
Read that again. We were BORN this way.
We did not choose this. Our bodies merely developed differently than our brains. Our bodies do not produce estrogen in the amounts our brain needs, and instead produce more testosterone than our brain needs to survive. That is a hormonal imbalance. And professional medical and mental health organizations all agree that the proper treatment is hormonal therapy.
That means we are not choosing to disrupt our lives, jeopardize our relationships, or fail to meet our obligations to loved ones. These things happen as a result of our medical condition. The problem is that not enough is known about what the causes are, and the misinformation all over the internet makes it appear as though we woke up one morning and decided we wanted boobs. As long as the cisgender population believes that, we will be discriminated against and viewed as deviants.
The answer is in education. We need to educate ourselves to understand what this really means. Then we need to educate others so they understand that it is not a choice, but a biological reality. Our choice is merely what we do about it.
We can ignore it and risk our mental health. We can try to manage it discreetly through cross-dressing or other behaviors. For me, the decision was simpler. If this is who I am, then so be it. If family and friends want information, I will do my best to help them understand. Most have too many prejudices to be bothered. That does not stop me from living the best life I can. That means I live as a woman full-time. HRT, electrolysis, surgeries, wearing women's clothing, makeup, and jewelry: the same things ciswomen do and wear.
Ciswomen get HRT for a variety of reasons, from hysterectomies to PCOS. Ciswomen get electrolysis for hirsutism. Ciswomen get surgeries, including cosmetic surgeries, so they look and feel better: facelifts, breast augmentation/reduction, lip lifts, tummy tucks, and Mommy Makeovers. They do it for the exact same reasons we do - to make ourselves look and feel better about ourselves.
Society doesn't blink when a cis woman does this. But transgender women are demonized for it. I had a woman ask me once if I was wearing a bra. I looked her in the eye and said, "Yes. So what? You are wearing one too. It's what women do."
Remember that your brain knows you were born a woman. Therefore, no one should criticize you for doing the same things that women do. If they don't understand why you are doing it now and not earlier, that is because you didn't know earlier. You may have suspected it, but you really didn't know for sure. Society has always prevented us from learning this and instead forced us into roles based on our appearances. It started when we were born and assigned a sex that does not define who we are.
Definitely talk to your therapist about this. My hope is that you and others reading this can come to the understanding that you did not choose this. It is no one's fault. It just is what it is.
