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Anna, finally but not yet final.

Started by Finally Anna, June 22, 2026, 07:05:35 AM

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tgirlamg

#220
August 05, 2026, 09:59:13 PM
Quote from: Finally Anna on August 05, 2026, 10:25:37 AMJust a small reflection about how things have changed, changed for the better and probably for good.

Life as a transfemme out to self and to wife isn't just a bed of roses but it does bring peace of mind when comparing to life before acceptance. Life is pretty serene even if it of course still has issues (life tends to have issues regardless of whom you ask).

Instead of psychological pains, real fears and things that should not be mentioned, the issues are now of a more worldly kind. How do I find my style? What is my sweetspot with femininity? Will I be dressing in skirts six months from now? How much change, how fast, do I need and how much can my wife embrace? Will I require hrt, later on? Do people notice that I am subtly femme in my appearance and do they attribute that to femininity, or do they just notice this old guy letting loose and assume it is because of age or retirement? How long will my hair get before I and my hardresser find it to be ok? What will the kids and their SO say about things, once it becomes more obvious? And a hundred other small and rather worldly things that will be solved by just living my life.
💕



As it so happens, the answers to all those questions lay straight ahead... you're already going the right direction!...

Onward Brave Sister!

A💕
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment" ... Ralph Waldo Emerson 🌸

"The individual has always had to struggle from being overwhelmed by the tribe... But, no price is too high for the privilege of owning yourself" ... Rudyard Kipling 🌸

Let go of the things that no longer serve you... Let go of the pretense of the false persona, it is not you... Let go of the armor that you have worn for a lifetime, to serve the expectations of others and, to protect the woman inside... She needs protection no longer.... She is tired of hiding and more courageous than you know... Let her prove that to you....Let her step out of the dark and feel the light upon her face.... amg🌸

Ashley's Corner: https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,247549.0.html 🌻

Finally Anna

#221
August 07, 2026, 04:45:44 AM
It could be that I read too much into it but on visiting one of the daughters she seemed to eye my clothing a bit but she didn't say a word about it. I was wearing black femme cargo pants that probably can pass for androgynous, sage green male polo and black femme sweatshirt hoodie.
I feel like I will wait for questions rather than initiating a conversation.
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
To thine own self be true.
Out to self since March 5, 2026. My wife knows it all since June 23.
Integration ongoing. I'll cross the transition bridge when I get to it.

KristaFairchild

#222
August 07, 2026, 07:33:09 AM
Quote from: Finally Anna on August 07, 2026, 04:45:44 AMIt could be that I read too much into it but on visiting one of the daughters she seemed to eye my clothing a bit but she didn't say a word about it. I was wearing black femme cargo pants that probably can pass for androgynous, sage green male polo and black femme sweatshirt hoodie.
I feel like I will wait for questions rather than initiating a conversation.
After wearing all women's clothes - but ones that could pretty much pass as men's - I added foundation. No one said nothing. 

Weeks later I added very light natural blush. No one said a thing. 

So I started doing my brows ever so lightly. Then brown eyeliner. Then...

And NO ONE COMMENTED!

Then I added my favorite wig and breast forms and people were like "About time you finished off the look properly"

Just for kicks, reread your journal entries on here. Hang on tight. I'm pretty sure...don't want to judge...could be wrong....

You're trans! 🤣 and furthermore - this is a BIG SECRET - you are TRANSitioning! 🤣❤️🥹



My most liberating moments were when I realized that people already knew. 

Finally Anna

#223
August 07, 2026, 11:29:09 AM
In a bit of a dysphoric mode. Not too heavy but creating a bit of a fuzz in my mind. It's the "damned if I do, damned if I don't" and a bit of imposter feeling.

This, too, shall pass. But it's a bit unpleasant while it lasts.
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
To thine own self be true.
Out to self since March 5, 2026. My wife knows it all since June 23.
Integration ongoing. I'll cross the transition bridge when I get to it.
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KristaFairchild

#224
August 07, 2026, 11:35:05 AM
Quote from: Finally Anna on August 07, 2026, 11:29:09 AMIn a bit of a dysphoric mode. Not too heavy but creating a bit of a fuzz in my mind. It's the "damned if I do, damned if I don't" and a bit of imposter feeling.

This, too, shall pass. But it's a bit unpleasant while it lasts.
Maybe do just one small affirming thing, even if only you know. When I felt like that I would apply a dab of perfume close to my nose or put on nude lipstick, which isn't visible on my lips. 

Finally Anna

#225
August 07, 2026, 11:39:21 AM
Right! I'll do that!
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
To thine own self be true.
Out to self since March 5, 2026. My wife knows it all since June 23.
Integration ongoing. I'll cross the transition bridge when I get to it.

Northern Star Girl ✅

#226
August 07, 2026, 11:58:38 AM
Quote from: Finally Anna on August 07, 2026, 11:39:21 AMRight! I'll do that!
@Finally Anna
Dear Anna:
Early on in my transition journey I used nude lip gloss and for nail polish I
found a gloss skin color polish that is not as noticeable like other colors.
I then started using very pale pink colors for my lips and my nails.

I had a lot of compliments from unsuspecting people.

Hugs, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

 
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Finally Anna

#227
August 07, 2026, 12:13:40 PM
It did help.
Filling out my brows with taupe pen.
Two small strokes with perfume oil. Thank you!
🥰
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
To thine own self be true.
Out to self since March 5, 2026. My wife knows it all since June 23.
Integration ongoing. I'll cross the transition bridge when I get to it.
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    The following users thanked this post: Lori Dee

Finally Anna

#228
August 08, 2026, 05:31:27 AM
The wagon is moving, it moves towards more femme and seems to be following a slowly meandering road through the woods, where the immediate direction is not always easy to see but it becomes obvious that the road is going femme-ward.

Hair is now hanging in a wave over the top of my ears, unless I style it to sit above ears. Also starting to get just the tiniest hint of curtain bang(s), with a soft-ish side-part. Not yet long enough to be real curtain(s) but I am getting a bit of the feeling. Six weeks until next appointement so almost two cm growth until then.

Maxi skirt and the only blouse that fits half-decently doesn't look too bad.

New marine slim stretch trousers are nice. Leggings also nice.

Gravitation, gravitation, ...
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
To thine own self be true.
Out to self since March 5, 2026. My wife knows it all since June 23.
Integration ongoing. I'll cross the transition bridge when I get to it.

Stottie Girl

#229
August 08, 2026, 06:30:20 AM
Quote from: Finally Anna on August 08, 2026, 05:31:27 AMThe wagon is moving, it moves towards more femme and seems to be following a slowly meandering road through the woods, where the immediate direction is not always easy to see but it becomes obvious that the road is going femme-ward.

Hair is now hanging in a wave over the top of my ears, unless I style it to sit above ears. Also starting to get just the tiniest hint of curtain bang(s), with a soft-ish side-part. Not yet long enough to be real curtain(s) but I am getting a bit of the feeling. Six weeks until next appointement so almost two cm growth until then.

Maxi skirt and the only blouse that fits half-decently doesn't look too bad.

New marine slim stretch trousers are nice. Leggings also nice.

Gravitation, gravitation, ...
The momentum is gathering Anna! I like your clothing choices there.

My hair at the sides has reached my lobes. I think it might be getting long enough to do something with it but I'm still trapped at the parents home. They keep telling me I need to get my hair cut but no way am I doing that until I get into my new place and try styling it properly!
A wise man once said don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes, that way when you judge him you're a mile away and you have his shoes!

Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on - Billy Connolley

Finally Anna

#230
August 08, 2026, 06:49:15 AM
Quote from: Stottie Girl on August 08, 2026, 06:30:20 AMMy hair at the sides has reached my lobes. I think it might be getting long enough to do something with it but I'm still trapped at the parents home. They keep telling me I need to get my hair cut but no way am I doing that until I get into my new place and try styling it properly!
Hang in there and when you're in your own house then just let your hair stylist do some magic. I look at pics on the net and then show a few to my hairdresser to show the feeling I'd like and we discuss a bit and then she is let loose to do some magic. I guess it is soon long enough to actually start shaping it a bit.
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
To thine own self be true.
Out to self since March 5, 2026. My wife knows it all since June 23.
Integration ongoing. I'll cross the transition bridge when I get to it.

KristaFairchild

#231
August 08, 2026, 08:23:51 AM
The slow meander...slightly longer hair, subtle but with potential. Marine slim trousers, kinda andro, the transition is there if you squint. 

MAXI SKIRT?! 

🤭 love it 

Finally Anna

#232
August 08, 2026, 08:46:16 AM
Krista!
The maxi skirt, the only blouse that is not ill-fitting and the wedge heels 😱 are so far for solo use only. Call it a kind of prototype testing. 😉

I haven't even used the slim trousers yet other than trying them on for myself, but they are comfortable. Those are definitely women's trousers, but can possibly pass for andro unless people look more closely.
Paradox, paradox: I am a little cowardice even though the logic says I don't have to be.

It's also likely that wifey gets a vote on the trousers before going public - I do want her to think that my clothing is actually ok or even nice.

My hair is a LOT longer than it used to be. I want it to be long enough to be styled androgynous or perhaps femme-ish if I feel like it. Not as long as in my avatar though, probably, ... but friends have asked if I am going for a ponytail or a low braid. 🙃

All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
To thine own self be true.
Out to self since March 5, 2026. My wife knows it all since June 23.
Integration ongoing. I'll cross the transition bridge when I get to it.

KristaFairchild

#233
August 08, 2026, 12:24:49 PM
Does that skirt call to you? Mine did and do. I finally went through all my old purchases so I could see my presentation timeline in detail. I created a timeline before but it was based on my memory. 

I had several dresses and skirts for private use. I dressed only when I was alone in the house. Later, I dressed up when out of town on business trips. 

Now I'm glad I purchased those outfits because I wear them in public. 

I found when I was going androgynous that I received more compliments on my SPI stance than ever before. Including from my wife. 

Skirts feel so good, don't they? The swish of the fabric against your bare legs? The light fabric. Air on your bare ankles. Oh and blouses! The coolness of parts of my chest that are never exposed in men's clothes. Different colors. Light fabric. 

I'm sure they aren't beckoning you, right? You can resist. You have a plan!

I know. I'm awful, aren't I? 🤣🤭
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Finally Anna

#234
August 09, 2026, 03:12:54 AM
Quote from: KristaFairchild on August 08, 2026, 12:24:49 PMI'm sure they aren't beckoning you, right? You can resist. You have a plan!
I know. I'm awful, aren't I? 🤣🤭
Oh, you're absolutely horrible!  🙃😉
(Ironically, since this is the net and many people will read this and writing only gets you so far: There's irony to be found in this post). 😉
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
To thine own self be true.
Out to self since March 5, 2026. My wife knows it all since June 23.
Integration ongoing. I'll cross the transition bridge when I get to it.
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    The following users thanked this post: Lori Dee

Maid Marion

#235
August 09, 2026, 03:46:10 AM
It was hot and humid yesterday so I wore my hot pink two piece bikini with Tevas flip flops in the privacy of my home.  I learned that I don't like walking around in flats!  I'll have to go through my collection of sandals and find something more appropriate to wear to the beach.

Marion
  •  

Finally Anna

#236
August 10, 2026, 05:15:52 AM
Slowly, softly, surely.

Time.
Time is what I need.
Time to slowly gravitate towards more femme.
Time to get used to the changing image of myself, in my own eyes.
Time for my surroundings to adapt without realizing.

A mirror.
A rear view mirror.
A rear view mirror to see that there has been a lot of change already, only five months in.

A rear view mirror and time, to fend off the impostor phenomenon that sometimes tickles my brain.
A rear view mirror and time, to put trust in the ongoing journey.

A rear view mirror, time and life's inevitable progress to accept that I don't have control over all things happening.

💕
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
To thine own self be true.
Out to self since March 5, 2026. My wife knows it all since June 23.
Integration ongoing. I'll cross the transition bridge when I get to it.
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    The following users thanked this post: Lori Dee

Finally Anna

#237
August 10, 2026, 10:14:02 PM Last Edit: August 10, 2026, 11:18:33 PM by Finally Anna
One of the worst nights of my life.
I said things yesterday evening, things that hurt my wife deeply (things not related to my transfemme)
Not much sleep for me this night, have cried my heart and eyes out.
I feel awful.
🥺

I despise myself
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
To thine own self be true.
Out to self since March 5, 2026. My wife knows it all since June 23.
Integration ongoing. I'll cross the transition bridge when I get to it.
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    The following users thanked this post: Lori Dee

Lori Dee ✅

#238
August 11, 2026, 12:43:55 AM
Quote from: Finally Anna on August 10, 2026, 10:14:02 PMOne of the worst nights of my life.
I said things yesterday evening, things that hurt my wife deeply (things not related to my transfemme)
Not much sleep for me this night, have cried my heart and eyes out.
I feel awful.
🥺

I despise myself

Sending you a BIG HUG!

If what you said was honest, your only regret should be how it was said. Poor choice of words, perhaps.
If what you said was out of emotion, perhaps an apology can smooth it over.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Let things cool down, then discuss it openly and honestly. There is no harm in admitting you were wrong if you were wrong.

I think it is more important to examine why and how it was said rather than the words themselves. Then go from there. You two know each other well enough to discuss things like adults. You know this.

Hang in there.
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Finally Anna

#239
August 11, 2026, 05:27:47 AM
Thanks Lori. 💕
It was out of bounds and unfair. That's why it hits me so hard. 💔
But things will be ok. My wife is fantastic in her love for me. I'm not a bad or mean person, I'm as soft as they come.
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
To thine own self be true.
Out to self since March 5, 2026. My wife knows it all since June 23.
Integration ongoing. I'll cross the transition bridge when I get to it.
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