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Anna, finally but not yet final.

Started by Finally Anna, June 22, 2026, 07:05:35 AM

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Valerie.Val

Exactly! It was like living behind a thick glass or something, like watching a movie of your life.

About men, same same. It was weird going shopping groceries, I felt how proximity to men made me feel uncomfortable - at the same time I could sense that my proximity made women uncomfortable. Do you feel that too?

Finally Anna

For background: I don't present femme to the world. I live in the androgynous land, with various levels of femme-leaning. It is how I am comfortable, right now. It feels like me. Might change for more femme as time goes by, or might not. Time will tell.

So, most people auto-gender me as a man, and those who actually dwell for a few seconds (it happens, and it is noticeable) are likely to see a man that is a bit more more femme than you'd expect from an oldtimer. Hairstyle, clothing, manners, perfume are all a bit towards femme, on a scale.

I don't feel uncomfy around men in the sense that I get the creeps, but I find men's company less attractive than women's. I doubt that women become uncomfy in my presence, I see no such signs. If they see a slightly femme man, it does not provoke the "watch out" reaction, nor does it trigger any "impersonation" feelings.
Out to self since March 5, 2026. My wife knows it all since June 23.
Integration ongoing. I'll cross the transition bridge when I get to it.

Valerie.Val

I see yeah. Well I was presenting full dude back then, beard and all. And maybe I was being oversensitive with all this being super new to me. It was a new level of understanding I guess.

Fast forward 8 weeks and I'm also presenting andro. Tonight my spouse and I are going out for dinner, first time wearing a girl-cut tshirt and some light makeup in public. Exciting!

Finally Anna

Wife said to talk to our (grown up) children. So I did, with one of them just 10 minutes ago. Aiming to just do the "I have a softer style and I'm more true me" thing.

- I hear that you have wondered about my changed style?
- What are you talking about?
- I understood from mom that you have wondered about my changed style.
- No, I have not. Haven't even thought about it. What do you mean?
- Changed hairstyle etc.
- Ok, you have longer hair. And?
- No big deal, but this is more the real me. You know I am quite soft inside, just like you are, and now it comes shining through. This is much more the real me. As mom said: You are now much more how you were when we met.
- So, your retirement made you shed the office style and be more you. Nice.

And that was it. A total non-issue, so far. Femme-ish trousers, jeans and shorts and femme-ish/andro perfumes was not even mentioned, and was obviously not even worth noticing other than "Hey, dad, cool jeans!" some two weeks ago.
One down, one to go. A different one.
Out to self since March 5, 2026. My wife knows it all since June 23.
Integration ongoing. I'll cross the transition bridge when I get to it.
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Valerie.Val

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KristaFairchild

Quote from: Valerie.Val on Today at 03:46:52 AMI see yeah. Well I was presenting full dude back then, beard and all. And maybe I was being oversensitive with all this being super new to me. It was a new level of understanding I guess.

Fast forward 8 weeks and I'm also presenting andro. Tonight my spouse and I are going out for dinner, first time wearing a girl-cut tshirt and some light makeup in public. Exciting!
The word "exciting" says a lot. 
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KristaFairchild

Quote from: Finally Anna on Today at 06:46:01 AMWife said to talk to our (grown up) children. So I did, with one of them just 10 minutes ago. Aiming to just do the "I have a softer style and I'm more true me" thing.

- I hear that you have wondered about my changed style?
- What are you talking about?
- I understood from mom that you have wondered about my changed style.
- No, I have not. Haven't even thought about it. What do you mean?
- Changed hairstyle etc.
- Ok, you have longer hair. And?
- No big deal, but this is more the real me. You know I am quite soft inside, just like you are, and now it comes shining through. This is much more the real me. As mom said: You are now much more how you were when we met.
- So, your retirement made you shed the office style and be more you. Nice.

And that was it. A total non-issue, so far. Femme-ish trousers, jeans and shorts and femme-ish/andro perfumes was not even mentioned, and was obviously not even worth noticing other than "Hey, dad, cool jeans!" some two weeks ago.
One down, one to go. A different one.
I love this! It's reminder that the ways we present that feel huge to us aren't nearly as important or noticeable to others. 

In my talk with my adult daughters 19), I was expressing more femininely. Clearly wearing makeup, always women's clothes, but no skirts or dresses, no bold lipstick, no wig or forms.

They had been in orchestra in high school. It was a safe haven for LGBTQ students; I think half of them were. 

My daughters didn't care about my gender. They cared about my marriage to their mother. And they asked if they could still call me dad. 
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