Anna, finally but not yet final.

[Finally Anna]

Stumbled over a sentence to remember, today:
Instead of asking yourself, "Am I trans enough?" try asking, "Do I live authentically?"

[davina61]

You should just live with whatever makes you happy/comfortable.

[Finally Anna]

Yes, Davina!
I'm not doubting. I know what I am. To me that sentence means exactly what you wrote.
💕

[KristaFairchild]

. If you have narrow hips too you could try fit and flare or A-line dresses and skirts or maybe peplum tops? This might help balance the top vs the bottom half.

All three of these tricks are magic on my body. Love love love!

[Finally Anna]

I feel that the day of coming out (at least partly) to our children and their SO is creeping closer. No date will be set, but I need to at least tell them that I have a feminine part to my personality, that it has never really gotten any room until now, and that it now needs a bit of freedom of expression. Any questions will then be answered truthfully, but perhaps not telling the whole truth.
The purpose being that I and my wife can be a bit relaxed about it around our children and their SO and family. That it becomes "allowed" to express myself more freely and more laid-back about it, in those settings, and for them to at least be free to notice things and talk about it if they want to.

I know for certain that they have noticed the change(s) but so far they haven't really asked about it. Perhaps out of respect or perhaps because they just think it is a phase or dad getting older or something. But probably out of respect and to let me handle it my way and with my timing, regardless of why I'm changing. There are numerous tells, none of which is big enough by itself but in combination they do show a direction.

It will be interesting, possibly a little bit scary, and also liberating to tell them.
But on second thought, as I think of it while I write this, maybe it is not really scary? I am who I am, and I have landed in that reality. Maybe they'll react in a way that is less than positive? That could make it emotional in the wrong way, but it does not really make it scary. On the other hand, if they react positively or even neutral, then it is a step in the right direction for all of us.

I will not set a date and I will not definitely not make it a "reveal meeting". I will tell them, one by one or at the same time, when it feels like the right time. I just need to brief my wife about it beforehand, so that she knows it will happen. She will probably have some thoughts on how to handle it, she is very good with those kinds of things.

[Stottie Girl]

Well that is going to be a heavy conversation Anna, there's no sugar coating it but I think if they have started to notice changes then you probably do owe them an explanation at least otherwise they will resent you for withholding stuff from them.

I can't offer you any advice on this front but I hope it all goes well for you.

[Finally Anna]

Sarah, the funny thing is that right here and now it does not feel like an upcoming scary conversation. It could well be that it gets heavy and emotional in the wrong way, but it does not feel scary. It feels more like "Well, this is how I am wired and this is how I need to roll". A bit matter-of-factly.
To me that speaks volumes about my own acceptance for what and how I am. That I am now taking a step in a social transition.
Not to be misinterpreted as not caring. I care a lot about them and how they see me, but this is a step that is needed.

I do hope that they will be accepting and at least get to be half-comfy with things.
One of them is so much like my wife was in younger years (but not anymore) and one of them is very much like I am. So, I think that one of them will be more "What? Dad? Is this some phase or what?" but then probably realize that it will be ok. The other will be more like "Well, you are who you are and I'll be ok with things". It'll be interesting to see if my guesses are correct.

[tammy753]

Good luck! I never had children but I can assume you raised them to be accepting of people living with this secret so give them the benefit of the doubt. I bet they will be accepting even if it takes a little time.

Wow I am sounding positive and not pessimistic its not 8 am maybe that part slept in.

[Finally Anna]

Wow I am sounding positive and not pessimistic its not 8 am maybe that part slept in.

Your alter ego is taking its chances! 😆

[Stottie Girl]

I would agree with you, you do sound like you have really accepted and come to terms with being trans. THere is a notable change in you from when you first arrived.

Like Tammy, I have no children so I have no idea how to advise you really but the bond between parent and child is normally very strong. I have a feeling your intuition about them will turn out to be correct.

I'm rooting for you either way!

@tammy753 Where is the real Tammy? Who is this imposter? How dare she be all positive and cheery!

[Finally Anna]

I would agree with you, you do sound like you have really accepted and come to terms with being trans. THere is a notable change in you from when you first arrived.

Thank you, Sarah! That is affirming! Consider yourself a part of that change. 💕
As for the parent-->child bond, it is of course strong and if one of my children came out and said "I am trans" than I'd be more than welcoming. My love for my children is unconditional and limitless.
The child-->parent bond is also strong but it comes with other properties, as the child is supposed to break free and become adult, independent and perhaps also a parent.

But I wonder who has hijacked Tammy's account?

[Stottie Girl]

Ha! Dunno what I've done but thank you anyway lol!

[Finally Anna]

Ha! Dunno what I've done but thank you anyway lol!

Sarah, don't diminish yourself! 🥰

For me, Susan's is a place where I can be the real Anna and where she can meet other people with same or similar experiences. To then read about those experiences, relate to them and learn from them, is important to me. It makes me be seen, affirmed, commented on, perhaps corrected or guided, but without judgement. And you, and all other people here are part of that.

[Stottie Girl]

Sarah, don't diminish yourself! 🥰

For me, Susan's is a place where I can be the real Anna and where she can meet other people with same or similar experiences. To then read about those experiences, relate to them and learn from them, is important to me. It makes me be seen, affirmed, commented on, perhaps corrected or guided, but without judgement. And you, and all other people here are part of that.

Well thanks for saying that Anna. I sometimes feel like a bit of a fraud on here as I am still hiding in the closet while I watch so many other people boldly make strides into their new lives. I have never had a partner or kids so cannot relate to the issues some on here (like yourself) have which means I can't really offer useful help and advice no matter how much I want to. I sometimes think my life experience is irrelevant at times.

Doesn't stop me trying to stick my beak in from time to time though ha ha!

[Petunia]

Anna, I think the most important thing is your wife accepts you and you accept you.

That is a great starting point.

The younger generations generally don't have the same hangups the way our generations do. Sure the right wing of politics has stepped in and messed a lot of things up, but the kids and young adults are more likely to be live and let live.

Unless their parents have filled them full of hate and predjudice.

I'm sure you'll be fine.

[Petunia]

Well thanks for saying that Anna. I sometimes feel like a bit of a fraud on here as I am still hiding in the closet while I watch so many other people boldly make strides into their new lives. I have never had a partner or kids so cannot relate to the issues some on here (like yourself) have which means I can't really offer

A lot of us are using Susan's in part as therapy.
This is such a great place to come and find genuinely friendly helpful people.

No judgement, no hating, just acceptance, guidance or just understanding.

Everytime someone comes here and thinks they are whinging and burdening other people, what they don't realise is they are sharing your fears and doubts.

There is not one person here who doesn't have, or didn't have these same thoughts.

So in fact, your sharing is actually helping others.

I love coming here and reading about what everyone is doing. The good and bad and perhaps sometimes something I write helps someone, because I have taken so much from Susan's.

I keep thinking what am I doing? You are kidding yourself.

And then I read something and think "I could have written that. That's how I feel"

[Northern Star Girl ✅]

@Petunia  cc: @Stottie Girl  @Finally Anna

Dear Petunia:
Very well stated... yes indeed, the Forum provides our members easy access therapy.
Most of us tend to be like-minded about all of our life experiences.

Generally, if a member shares less than happy news we will gather around them and
offer our shoulders to lean on and our ears to listen,.
  HOWEVER, on the other hand
if success and happy events are shared we will all rejoice and offer our hugs
and congratulations.

Thank you Petunia for sharing your thoughts... they were "right-on"

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]
  Forum Administrator    Direct Email: alaskandanielle@yahoo.com